FF and LJ SUCK tonight
I feel so sad right now. First because I read something that really depressed me, I don't deal well with sadness sometimes. I think I do, but not all the time, and I think this is one of the days where anything will make me sad and cry. I had written a whole text here and LJ was stupid enough to erase everything, I can't even use this thing right, ugh. I just feel so depressed about everything now, gosh, sometimes I just wanna sit and cry and that's actually what I'm doing now cause I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand my two jobs. I know I should be happy for having two jobs when so many people don't even have one, but the truth is I'm not happy at all. I can't stand teaching anymore. I hate it, really, I don't even properly prepare my lessons anymore, I don't care about whatever I'm doing at school anymore, I could care less about whether people are learning or not, if they wanna listen to me and try to learn something, I'm glad, if they don't, then I could care less, I don't give a damn. I HATE this notion that people have that it's the teachers who have to motivate the students and make them want to learn. I'm sorry, but motivation is something you either have or you don't. If one is not interested in what the teacher is saying, it doesn't matter what the hell you do, they still won't want anything to do with it, how hard is for schools and parents to understand that?? Nobody gives a damn whether teachers are motivated or not, whether they're having personal problems or not, whether they're sick or not, whether they're being respected or not, so why the hell must we care SO much about all this regarding the students? Why are they more important than us when they can't even bother LOOKING at us when we speak? FUCK them. Yeah, I know that probably makes me sound like a terrible teacher, and maybe I really am, but there's gotta be some place in the world where I can be honest about how I feel about these stupid little nothings who think they're too good but don't know fuck about life, to hell with them. I'm sick of them. I'm tired of talking to the walls, I'm tired of knowing no one cares about what I'm doing, I'm tired of knowing that as soon as I walk out the classroom no one even knows what I was talking about, I'm sick of ridiculous students and their ridiculous parents and their hipocrisy, complaining and demanding things when they aren't even able to do what they're fucking supposed to. I'm done with this. I'm over teaching. I'm counting the days, the HOURS to get out of this.