Let's Evolve
I can't get the theory of evolution out of my head. It's been bothering me for months. No matter what I read or what I try to decipher, it never once comes back positive.
I don't exactly know all of it, but regardless if it was from one single celled organism or multiple single celled organisms, it's irrelevant. Regardless what the beginning was supposed to come from, it's irrelevant.
So the beginning happens and now there are ... eh. whatever.. one, two, a hundred, doesn't matter, little tiny things floatin around (I guess in the water cause they'd dry up otherwise). So they all started in the ocean and there they are. One-celling away happily. Then they somehow see they just aren't getting enough food? The food is too far away? I'm not quite sure what the reason is for it. One organism is eating the other? I don't know.
So then they somehow gain more cells and begin to turn into something else. Now they still suck really bad, but they're a little better at whatever it is they're trying to do. I'm guessing they still don't have a brain, because that would require many cells, but that will magically appear later in their incredible lifetimes. I guess they just eventually evolve some brains, or some of the organisms just evolve into brains themselves and then dwell inside of another organism. Well whatever , that's later on.
They're still floating around stupidly, cause that's all they can do until they eventually get some fins. This is working out perfectly! Now let's move on a little further into this cycle. All these inner body parts are grown. They never needed them before, but now they need them because they evolved poop. Now they need to poop, because they're eating stuff and it makes them poop. But this is good! Because they have to grow more stuff! So that they can do other things! Now they need some teeth, because some of these things are beginning to taste REALLY good to other things. This is a must. So now they get some teeth and gums and a tongue (can't taste without a tongue, which is very important because they needed to taste things all this time).
Now, for some reason, the vegatables REALLY looked good to one of those swimming things. I guess a carrot (which must have evolved or something because why else would food be on the land if nothing can eat it and nobody was there to plant it? Because God didn't create it?) was sitting there and this swimming thing smelled it or saw it? I don't know. And it REALLY needed that carrot. Whatever it was, it doesn't matter because it was on the LAND. So, it needed it really bad to grow. The other stuff in the water just wasn't cutting it.
So it eventually grew some legs and learned how to survive on the land by eating this vegetation that evolved somehow into vegetation. Maybe one of the organisms evolved into a root and scurried through the ground and turned into a tree. Can I say "rofl," yet?
Now somehow in all this confusion, the whale totally missed the land bus. It was sleeping or something when all the other mammals or whatever they were then decided they would drown if they lived in the water from whence they came. THEY all got legs, but this poor guy forgot what day it was and didn't get that opportunity. But because of this error, it grew to be tons and tons and tons so that it would be that much more difficult. It totally didn't get to evolve correctly and it's paying the price today.
Now I guess I missed something somewhere because there's those little mosquitos and bees and ants. I guess they were first? I don't know. But I'm assuming for the ants, it got too crowded underground for some of them, so they grew pincers so that they could live in the trees. Whatever. I know those other ants sure could use pincers like that, but hey, they missed out. And then the beetles and the crickets and the whatevers that needed to evolve into whatever they were so that they could... what? WHY WOULD YOU TURN INTO ONE OF THOSE THINGS AND NEVER EVOLVE INTO SOMETHING BETTER?
Anyway, so then we got these beetles and they're doing their thing, but out of allllllllllll the beetles ONLY ONE OF THEM [learned how to?] shoot thousands of explosive chemical reactions out of its ass and burn predators at over 200 degrees farenheit. Smart little guy. The other beetles just didn't do their evolution homework.
Oh we're not done yet! We got those awesome little leaf and stick bugs. You know what I'm talking about. The ones that look exactly like leaves and sticks. It was a clear summer day and the stick bug (wasn't a stick then, of course) was walking along the tree (if it was a tree at that time, we don't know). And it was very angry at its predators and said, "IF YOU GUYS KEEP EATING US THEN WE'RE GOING TO TURN INTO STICKS SO YOU CAN'T FIND US ANY MORE!" and THAT was their brilliant plan! They didn't evolve any protection! Why WOULD they? They just decided to BLEND INTO THE ENVIRONMENT, but man do they still taste as yummy as they did before. I'm guessing they couldn't control that feature.
The chameleon, however, said "Forget you guys, I'm putting my evolution prowess into full gear and I'm going to just blend into anything I want."
Needless to say, all the other creatures seemed to have lucked out on this procedure. Even we, the intelligent and dominant humans, never figured out how to do that without actually wearing some kind of camoflauge. BRILLIANT!
So we have these sea creatures that evolved into land animals and the other ones didn't. Others evolved protective shells and the poor little goldfish (who probably have been fish food since the beginning) never did. They just keep on going without any protection, because they have only seconds of memory and then they forget, so they just forgot to evolve any further.
Then we get to apes or monkeys or whichever one you want to believe we came from. We'll just say monkeys cause it really doesn't matter one way or the other and it's cuter to say monkey. It rolls off of my evolved tongue ever so nicely. The primitive beings. Pretty intelligent for what they are, but nonetheless primitive. They live in trees. We don't, but they do. Somehow we got smarter and they just stayed stupid. The fact they we evolved from monkeys and they're still around baffles me, but hey, what do I know? I didn't come up with this brilliant conclusion. You'd think they would have learned by now how to build houses and cars. Maybe a male and a female monkey didn't realise what was going on and all the other monkeys evolved without them and by the time they knew what happened they were left out in the rain. So they just kept on mating and making more monkeys and that's why they still exist.
And here we are, all this time later. Still swatting mosquitoes and flies and other useless beings that just didn't seem to catch on to the evolution process quite as quickly as the other beings that came from a single cell as well. But, Micke, they are a part of the circle of life! They are food for other creatures! WHY? Why did the stick bugs turn into sticks and these other bugs just kind of fly around without a care in the world? Wouldn't they have evolved into something a little less prey-worthy? No, of course not. They might actually SURVIVE if they did that. I guess it wouldn't matter anyway because whatever eats them would just evolve into something that can still find them and eat them.
Okay, now can I say "rofl," yet?
No! I can't! Of course not! The plants! Oh my goodness let's not forget the plants! They are alive! Surely they must have evolved as well! Omg let's not forget that! Something evolved into a leaf or something. A swimming leaf. Maybe a sponge just couldn't handle the neighbors and drifted to land. And it worked its way to the land and decided to bury itself into the ground and STAY THERE. Because that was such an important step! And for some reason they couldn't live unless they breathed the exact opposite of what we breathe! How bizarre that out of every single living thing that's on this planet there are only two types which breathe what they breathe. Plants and animals. No.. it would be downright RIDICULOUS for this one certain group of things to go off into this section of the world breathing each other's breath while this other group of things went into another section breathing off of each other as well. Nope. Instead it's just two types out of this incredibly large array of living things. It makes PERFECT sense!
And then we can extend this further into space. Surely we're not the first planet to circle a star. And out of the ones that we know of (via actual exploration), we're the only ones with such a massive living whatever. I guess Mars might have some life in it, but you know.. they don't know how to evolve. Only we do. Venus is quite perty! But it's just not good enough for such a great mass of life. Not yet anyway. Maybe some day something will float around there, turn into a fish, turn into a land animal, turn into a monkey, and turn into a human, blend in with a leaf, whatever.
Rofl.
I don't exactly know all of it, but regardless if it was from one single celled organism or multiple single celled organisms, it's irrelevant. Regardless what the beginning was supposed to come from, it's irrelevant.
So the beginning happens and now there are ... eh. whatever.. one, two, a hundred, doesn't matter, little tiny things floatin around (I guess in the water cause they'd dry up otherwise). So they all started in the ocean and there they are. One-celling away happily. Then they somehow see they just aren't getting enough food? The food is too far away? I'm not quite sure what the reason is for it. One organism is eating the other? I don't know.
So then they somehow gain more cells and begin to turn into something else. Now they still suck really bad, but they're a little better at whatever it is they're trying to do. I'm guessing they still don't have a brain, because that would require many cells, but that will magically appear later in their incredible lifetimes. I guess they just eventually evolve some brains, or some of the organisms just evolve into brains themselves and then dwell inside of another organism. Well whatever , that's later on.
They're still floating around stupidly, cause that's all they can do until they eventually get some fins. This is working out perfectly! Now let's move on a little further into this cycle. All these inner body parts are grown. They never needed them before, but now they need them because they evolved poop. Now they need to poop, because they're eating stuff and it makes them poop. But this is good! Because they have to grow more stuff! So that they can do other things! Now they need some teeth, because some of these things are beginning to taste REALLY good to other things. This is a must. So now they get some teeth and gums and a tongue (can't taste without a tongue, which is very important because they needed to taste things all this time).
Now, for some reason, the vegatables REALLY looked good to one of those swimming things. I guess a carrot (which must have evolved or something because why else would food be on the land if nothing can eat it and nobody was there to plant it? Because God didn't create it?) was sitting there and this swimming thing smelled it or saw it? I don't know. And it REALLY needed that carrot. Whatever it was, it doesn't matter because it was on the LAND. So, it needed it really bad to grow. The other stuff in the water just wasn't cutting it.
So it eventually grew some legs and learned how to survive on the land by eating this vegetation that evolved somehow into vegetation. Maybe one of the organisms evolved into a root and scurried through the ground and turned into a tree. Can I say "rofl," yet?
Now somehow in all this confusion, the whale totally missed the land bus. It was sleeping or something when all the other mammals or whatever they were then decided they would drown if they lived in the water from whence they came. THEY all got legs, but this poor guy forgot what day it was and didn't get that opportunity. But because of this error, it grew to be tons and tons and tons so that it would be that much more difficult. It totally didn't get to evolve correctly and it's paying the price today.
Now I guess I missed something somewhere because there's those little mosquitos and bees and ants. I guess they were first? I don't know. But I'm assuming for the ants, it got too crowded underground for some of them, so they grew pincers so that they could live in the trees. Whatever. I know those other ants sure could use pincers like that, but hey, they missed out. And then the beetles and the crickets and the whatevers that needed to evolve into whatever they were so that they could... what? WHY WOULD YOU TURN INTO ONE OF THOSE THINGS AND NEVER EVOLVE INTO SOMETHING BETTER?
Anyway, so then we got these beetles and they're doing their thing, but out of allllllllllll the beetles ONLY ONE OF THEM [learned how to?] shoot thousands of explosive chemical reactions out of its ass and burn predators at over 200 degrees farenheit. Smart little guy. The other beetles just didn't do their evolution homework.
Oh we're not done yet! We got those awesome little leaf and stick bugs. You know what I'm talking about. The ones that look exactly like leaves and sticks. It was a clear summer day and the stick bug (wasn't a stick then, of course) was walking along the tree (if it was a tree at that time, we don't know). And it was very angry at its predators and said, "IF YOU GUYS KEEP EATING US THEN WE'RE GOING TO TURN INTO STICKS SO YOU CAN'T FIND US ANY MORE!" and THAT was their brilliant plan! They didn't evolve any protection! Why WOULD they? They just decided to BLEND INTO THE ENVIRONMENT, but man do they still taste as yummy as they did before. I'm guessing they couldn't control that feature.
The chameleon, however, said "Forget you guys, I'm putting my evolution prowess into full gear and I'm going to just blend into anything I want."
Needless to say, all the other creatures seemed to have lucked out on this procedure. Even we, the intelligent and dominant humans, never figured out how to do that without actually wearing some kind of camoflauge. BRILLIANT!
So we have these sea creatures that evolved into land animals and the other ones didn't. Others evolved protective shells and the poor little goldfish (who probably have been fish food since the beginning) never did. They just keep on going without any protection, because they have only seconds of memory and then they forget, so they just forgot to evolve any further.
Then we get to apes or monkeys or whichever one you want to believe we came from. We'll just say monkeys cause it really doesn't matter one way or the other and it's cuter to say monkey. It rolls off of my evolved tongue ever so nicely. The primitive beings. Pretty intelligent for what they are, but nonetheless primitive. They live in trees. We don't, but they do. Somehow we got smarter and they just stayed stupid. The fact they we evolved from monkeys and they're still around baffles me, but hey, what do I know? I didn't come up with this brilliant conclusion. You'd think they would have learned by now how to build houses and cars. Maybe a male and a female monkey didn't realise what was going on and all the other monkeys evolved without them and by the time they knew what happened they were left out in the rain. So they just kept on mating and making more monkeys and that's why they still exist.
And here we are, all this time later. Still swatting mosquitoes and flies and other useless beings that just didn't seem to catch on to the evolution process quite as quickly as the other beings that came from a single cell as well. But, Micke, they are a part of the circle of life! They are food for other creatures! WHY? Why did the stick bugs turn into sticks and these other bugs just kind of fly around without a care in the world? Wouldn't they have evolved into something a little less prey-worthy? No, of course not. They might actually SURVIVE if they did that. I guess it wouldn't matter anyway because whatever eats them would just evolve into something that can still find them and eat them.
Okay, now can I say "rofl," yet?
No! I can't! Of course not! The plants! Oh my goodness let's not forget the plants! They are alive! Surely they must have evolved as well! Omg let's not forget that! Something evolved into a leaf or something. A swimming leaf. Maybe a sponge just couldn't handle the neighbors and drifted to land. And it worked its way to the land and decided to bury itself into the ground and STAY THERE. Because that was such an important step! And for some reason they couldn't live unless they breathed the exact opposite of what we breathe! How bizarre that out of every single living thing that's on this planet there are only two types which breathe what they breathe. Plants and animals. No.. it would be downright RIDICULOUS for this one certain group of things to go off into this section of the world breathing each other's breath while this other group of things went into another section breathing off of each other as well. Nope. Instead it's just two types out of this incredibly large array of living things. It makes PERFECT sense!
And then we can extend this further into space. Surely we're not the first planet to circle a star. And out of the ones that we know of (via actual exploration), we're the only ones with such a massive living whatever. I guess Mars might have some life in it, but you know.. they don't know how to evolve. Only we do. Venus is quite perty! But it's just not good enough for such a great mass of life. Not yet anyway. Maybe some day something will float around there, turn into a fish, turn into a land animal, turn into a monkey, and turn into a human, blend in with a leaf, whatever.
Rofl.