[Musical Composition; Measure 5]
BREAKING NEWS!
Last week in the Cullen Family Times, our undercover reporter, one Mr. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, revealed that one, Mr. Jasper Whitlock Hale, had deceived one, Mr. Emmett McCarty Cullen, about one plastic horse, Mr. Rodrigo "Thunderbolt" Lopez. Undercover reporter, Mr. Masen-Cullen, risked life, limb, and sanity to divulge the true secrets hidden in the mind of Mr. Whitlock-Hale and shocked Mr. McCarty-Cullen about the dastardly plan at work-- Mr. Whitlock-Hale had, in fact, stolen Mr. Rodrigo "Thunderbolt" Lopez earlier from Mr. McCarty-Cullen and never given him back, hiding him, instead, under his pillow.
Although Mr. McCarty-Cullen was not in the right state of mind to give a statement at the time, the shock and horror on his face was evident.
But the story, dear readers, does not stop there.
Unfortunately, Mr. Edward Anthony Cullen, has more news to divulge on the whereabouts and fate of one, Mr. Rodrigo "Thunderbolt" Lopez.
Oh such a tragedy in the making. Why, Mr. Whitlock-Hale? Why? That is something that may never be answered by the culprit himself, but thankfully, one, Dr. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, MD, graduate Johns Hopkins University as well as Standford University, BS in Psychology, provides us with insight into the dark and treacherous mind of Mr. Whitlock-Hale so that we may uncover just what was going on in his head at the time of the horrific crime.
As you can see from this highly accurate and user-friendly diagram of Mr. Whitlock-Hale's brain, courtesy of Dr. Edward Anthony Cullen himself, it would seem as though Mr. Whitlock-Hale's is compartmentalized into various activities and interests. Dr. Masen-Cullen's diagnosed that Mr. Whitlock-Hale's emo lobe became a bit too overactive on large doses of My Chemical Romance and Simple Plan and, combined with a distinct lack of rodeos and a traumatic memory of Mr. McCarty-Cullen and a palamino, enabled the usually dormant Repressed Emotions & Plans of Vengeance cortex to become active.
And thus, poor Mr. Rodrigo "Thunderbolt" Lopez never had a chance.
Will this tragedy occur again? Will Mr. McCarty-Cullen ever recover? What will Mr. Whitlock-Hale's punishment be? And where do plastic horses go after death?
These are, perhaps, questions for another edition of the Cullen Family Times.
But until then, for the love of life, liberty, and plastic horses everywhere, please, dear readers-- please-- keep oranges away from Mr. Whitlock-Hale.
Yours truly,
Mr./Dr. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.
---
...
I will be spending the next few weeks in Alaska, should anyone need me. Care to join, Bella?
Last week in the Cullen Family Times, our undercover reporter, one Mr. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, revealed that one, Mr. Jasper Whitlock Hale, had deceived one, Mr. Emmett McCarty Cullen, about one plastic horse, Mr. Rodrigo "Thunderbolt" Lopez. Undercover reporter, Mr. Masen-Cullen, risked life, limb, and sanity to divulge the true secrets hidden in the mind of Mr. Whitlock-Hale and shocked Mr. McCarty-Cullen about the dastardly plan at work-- Mr. Whitlock-Hale had, in fact, stolen Mr. Rodrigo "Thunderbolt" Lopez earlier from Mr. McCarty-Cullen and never given him back, hiding him, instead, under his pillow.
Although Mr. McCarty-Cullen was not in the right state of mind to give a statement at the time, the shock and horror on his face was evident.
But the story, dear readers, does not stop there.
Unfortunately, Mr. Edward Anthony Cullen, has more news to divulge on the whereabouts and fate of one, Mr. Rodrigo "Thunderbolt" Lopez.
Oh such a tragedy in the making. Why, Mr. Whitlock-Hale? Why? That is something that may never be answered by the culprit himself, but thankfully, one, Dr. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, MD, graduate Johns Hopkins University as well as Standford University, BS in Psychology, provides us with insight into the dark and treacherous mind of Mr. Whitlock-Hale so that we may uncover just what was going on in his head at the time of the horrific crime.
As you can see from this highly accurate and user-friendly diagram of Mr. Whitlock-Hale's brain, courtesy of Dr. Edward Anthony Cullen himself, it would seem as though Mr. Whitlock-Hale's is compartmentalized into various activities and interests. Dr. Masen-Cullen's diagnosed that Mr. Whitlock-Hale's emo lobe became a bit too overactive on large doses of My Chemical Romance and Simple Plan and, combined with a distinct lack of rodeos and a traumatic memory of Mr. McCarty-Cullen and a palamino, enabled the usually dormant Repressed Emotions & Plans of Vengeance cortex to become active.
And thus, poor Mr. Rodrigo "Thunderbolt" Lopez never had a chance.
Will this tragedy occur again? Will Mr. McCarty-Cullen ever recover? What will Mr. Whitlock-Hale's punishment be? And where do plastic horses go after death?
These are, perhaps, questions for another edition of the Cullen Family Times.
But until then, for the love of life, liberty, and plastic horses everywhere, please, dear readers-- please-- keep oranges away from Mr. Whitlock-Hale.
Yours truly,
Mr./Dr. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.
---
...
I will be spending the next few weeks in Alaska, should anyone need me. Care to join, Bella?