Ramblings while having an Extended Gassy Episode
So yeah, I get frequent gassy build up since having a kid. I didn't know this was a thing because my two much older sisters supposedly did not have this, neither did Mom, so they kinda look at me in bewilderment and pity, which I quietly loathe. From what I figured alongside the Chinese herbalist (yeah I had to see those and he was the most helpful from all the help I sought out), I had poor health and diet, plus lack of sleep for obvious reasons after giving birth. And the frequent food poisonings were not the sources, but triggers, making my digestive health deteriorate, thus tking a long time to recuperate. This is odd to me because pregnancy was practically a breeze if you remove the crippling lower back pain, random nose bleeds, and swollen AF itchy feet. I was pretty much healthy prior to all this crap. The symptoms were not immediate or obvious during the first few months, aside from constant mild food poisonings from Mom's cooking (she's old and hoards old food and mixes it with new :/). But it was 2018 that hit me pretty hard when I had to visit the ER 3 separate times, the first being dehydration, the 2nd and 3rd were more revolved around how I started feeling constantly nauseous and lightheaded enough to fear that I was going to faint, as well as slight pain and discomfort in my left arm and chest area.
Self-diagnosis googling also makes shit worse when you want to know wtf's wrong with you and the first result is YOU HAVE HEART ATTACK GO HOSPITAL
I originally tried to trial and error my way into figuring out the source, but discovered ER can't really do that, despite shelling out moneys on the spot. I've been told to consult my doctor, and I did, only to get omeprazole, which didn't really do much for me. I might try it again tomorrow since I am more stable than last year. I was also told I had viral infections in the throat and nose area which can last 1-2+ weeks. Plus the ER and some of the earlier tests ruled out normalcy with my gallbladder, liver, blood pressure and blood tests, and generally the surface areas. If I wanted more testing done specifically with digestive and throat, I'd have to see a specialist for those, including a possible endoscopy, which scares me half to death at the thought due to this irrational unrelenting fear of vomit. Now, it's not as severe as I put it ^_^;; It doesn't rule my life that I can't leave outdoors fearing vomit will rain from the sky (though the thought isn't very comforting for any sane person), bt it makes me quite squeamish since I was a kid and have a difficult time getting over. Anyway, the more hospital visits I took, the more toll it took on myself and my wallet. Driving is a no for me; uber really helped but some cars and their routes were either really windy and bumpy, or had the sickening car air freshners that make me feel awful. Plus the fees pile up when going there often. Also I was getting disheartened bit by bit when they couldn't find the cause. I got plenty of clueless wtf faces last year, so add that to my newly found anxieties.
I wanted to find the source asap because it affected my life. I couldn't care for my son as much as I wanted without feeling like I could faint at random. I couldn't go out due to sensitivity to sunlight, nausea episodes, and just feeling like garbage that can't leave the house. Yeah I can't work anymore either. I couldn't do light housework and cooking at first was impossible. I just wanted to crank up the home remedies until something worked and stay in bed. I lacked so much sleep from fear of puking in the middle of the night (never did, but it was always there or lingering). Changing diapers or hearing him crying made me nauseous, so I was forced to exit the room to calm down and wait enough to try again. Or if it was really bad, I needed Mom to help do it for me, which I felt bad for becase my sisters give snide remarks how lucky I am to have Mom with me. It's not the case when Mom also was getting over gallbladder surgery and having to adjust to a new lifestyle, so I felt bad that I asked Mom when she needs to recover too, but I really had no choice. Of course there's the husband, and he does offer help, but I have to pull teeth with this man to engage. I feel as if he treats having a kid like babysitting rather than raising a life.
As for family help, aside from Mom, NO. I don't trust the majority of my family except my oldest bro, but right now my son is scared of his relatives so that may have to be on the back burner until he gets used to him. Probably. I hope he warms up because they would make cute pics together.
Blugh, so yeah, I was desperate to solve this issue, even if it was a slow process, as long as it's some kind of improvement to a normal life again, I will take it. My hubs' previous manager suggested a nearby local Chinese herbalist, and I figured "what else have I got to lose?" The hubs was against the idea, trying to put off the consultation, in fear of it being a cheap scam. But compared to several weeks of not finding the source and my condition not improving a bit, I focred him to go with me, in case of extra translating. After some email exchanges, we met up with the translator, and the herbalist, who only did a wrist reading and looked at my tongue while jotting down the ingredients as the translator explained my predicament. This was a complete opposite of Western medicine, and not as invasive. It seemed like a light parlor trick, but they said I had too much gas, thus the pressure felt in my chest. And that I had a weak heart and overall health due to not leading a healthy lifestyle, from what I figured. And after getting the medicine, bags of herbs, and following their instructions, my health took a turn for the better. I was not always consistent with their dosage, and I burnt a few expensive ass bags ~___~ but I definitely see much improvement I'm forever grateful for. I have some of my fucking life back, but it's still a sloooow process to heal and change, so I get these espisodes of nausea and gas still. But it's due to eating something that didn't agree with me, or old food. At least I can rationalize if possible that it's gas, however vomiting and regurgitation can happen too. Hasn't happened to me yet, but still. Urp.
This was quite a dilemma that I was constantly bashing my brains about daily. Surprisingly, I don't think I'm depressed as it sounds, since I like doing my art stuff, enjoy my son's milestones and his good points, and feel like moving forward, but I'm at a point where I try to reevaluate my current situation without totally beating myself up for it, which is kinda hard since I'm quite negative lmao. I did come up with a few things that could help me out, but won't happen any time soon because shit:
-I probably should look into therapy, or even couple's therapy, but our insurance coverage is limited and the reviewed for the ones covered were really... terrible. ~______~ I may seek outside the coverage, but I do hear how expensive they can get.
-I need mom friends. ~_~ Or at least friends not so spiteful when marriage and children enter the picture. My current friends are very few, and most of them are online. And all of them are really... really... anti-marriage and/or anti-children, all of them are in their early or mid 30s and are still set in their ways, and can very very blunt about their beliefs without thought or consideration. I dunno where to begin since my kid isn't in daycare yet, and I tried online but I get too excited and type too much. lol One lady seemed really cool though. I had to stop due to some shit and gas probs developing.
-I need to voice out my problems to the hubs, and stand my ground, but not get super defensive or sensitive, which is hard. ^_^; This part is like my mom which I can't stand: I tend to not ask for help in fear of looking stupid or bothering others, but it's not like I haven't asked for help before. Then bitch about them to others, which I hate about myself. I will try to fix that, thus me not really speaking to my online friends as much due to me ranting too much about my home life. The thing is, he acts like a clueless dumbass (he can do his job and cook, but housework, English emails, and childcare? Forget it) and English isn't his first language so I have to explain several times, which gets grating after so and so years. Our communication recently hasn't been so hot because he holes himself with his computer games, overtime work, and movie websites. He always looks busy, so I try to leave him be, but he gets made that I don't ask for help. I HAVE asked to just watch him while I do night chores, but when I return to the room several times in a row, he is asleep or watching intensely a movie or game while or son is wrecking havoc behind him. So you can't say I don't try, I'm working with 2 spoiled brats.
-I need a fucking break from everyone. Even a half day of light window shopping once a month would suffice. I'm not much of a people person anyway because I'm from such a massive family, so a breather away from everything and everyone I know sounds amazing right about now.
-Improve my health and overall lifestyle for a longer, healthier, and happier life. This one is tough because everyone around me eats garbage lmao fuuuuuuuu... jk, I have cut down lots of rich, creamy, heavy, oily and fried foods (ugh my heart...!) and have been eating freshly cooked meals or rice porridge with eggs and vegetables (carrots, broccoli, ginger, celery, sweet potatoes), but I need to eat more variety, which is really difficult when trial and error also ends up with more gas or upset stomach. But the main culprits lately have been old frozen foods. Processed sugars and salty snacks are... a work in progress ~_~ but for sure the intake has gone down significantly. I also need to consider light exercise routines and cleaning/organizing the rooms for a less chaotic atomsphere.
-Future goals. I need to research and plan out stuff better, which I have started a bit. Something better than nothing! I have been looking into grade schools and preschools for my kid since 3 may be a good year for him to enter part time, or even a little dance class would be too cute. He loves dancing and making new moves, it's feverishly cute I just can't
Huh, I feel a bit better after clamping down on the home remedies, so gonna go out for a walk with the kiddie.
Edits because my keyboard sucks and incomplete stuff.
Self-diagnosis googling also makes shit worse when you want to know wtf's wrong with you and the first result is YOU HAVE HEART ATTACK GO HOSPITAL
I originally tried to trial and error my way into figuring out the source, but discovered ER can't really do that, despite shelling out moneys on the spot. I've been told to consult my doctor, and I did, only to get omeprazole, which didn't really do much for me. I might try it again tomorrow since I am more stable than last year. I was also told I had viral infections in the throat and nose area which can last 1-2+ weeks. Plus the ER and some of the earlier tests ruled out normalcy with my gallbladder, liver, blood pressure and blood tests, and generally the surface areas. If I wanted more testing done specifically with digestive and throat, I'd have to see a specialist for those, including a possible endoscopy, which scares me half to death at the thought due to this irrational unrelenting fear of vomit. Now, it's not as severe as I put it ^_^;; It doesn't rule my life that I can't leave outdoors fearing vomit will rain from the sky (though the thought isn't very comforting for any sane person), bt it makes me quite squeamish since I was a kid and have a difficult time getting over. Anyway, the more hospital visits I took, the more toll it took on myself and my wallet. Driving is a no for me; uber really helped but some cars and their routes were either really windy and bumpy, or had the sickening car air freshners that make me feel awful. Plus the fees pile up when going there often. Also I was getting disheartened bit by bit when they couldn't find the cause. I got plenty of clueless wtf faces last year, so add that to my newly found anxieties.
I wanted to find the source asap because it affected my life. I couldn't care for my son as much as I wanted without feeling like I could faint at random. I couldn't go out due to sensitivity to sunlight, nausea episodes, and just feeling like garbage that can't leave the house. Yeah I can't work anymore either. I couldn't do light housework and cooking at first was impossible. I just wanted to crank up the home remedies until something worked and stay in bed. I lacked so much sleep from fear of puking in the middle of the night (never did, but it was always there or lingering). Changing diapers or hearing him crying made me nauseous, so I was forced to exit the room to calm down and wait enough to try again. Or if it was really bad, I needed Mom to help do it for me, which I felt bad for becase my sisters give snide remarks how lucky I am to have Mom with me. It's not the case when Mom also was getting over gallbladder surgery and having to adjust to a new lifestyle, so I felt bad that I asked Mom when she needs to recover too, but I really had no choice. Of course there's the husband, and he does offer help, but I have to pull teeth with this man to engage. I feel as if he treats having a kid like babysitting rather than raising a life.
As for family help, aside from Mom, NO. I don't trust the majority of my family except my oldest bro, but right now my son is scared of his relatives so that may have to be on the back burner until he gets used to him. Probably. I hope he warms up because they would make cute pics together.
Blugh, so yeah, I was desperate to solve this issue, even if it was a slow process, as long as it's some kind of improvement to a normal life again, I will take it. My hubs' previous manager suggested a nearby local Chinese herbalist, and I figured "what else have I got to lose?" The hubs was against the idea, trying to put off the consultation, in fear of it being a cheap scam. But compared to several weeks of not finding the source and my condition not improving a bit, I focred him to go with me, in case of extra translating. After some email exchanges, we met up with the translator, and the herbalist, who only did a wrist reading and looked at my tongue while jotting down the ingredients as the translator explained my predicament. This was a complete opposite of Western medicine, and not as invasive. It seemed like a light parlor trick, but they said I had too much gas, thus the pressure felt in my chest. And that I had a weak heart and overall health due to not leading a healthy lifestyle, from what I figured. And after getting the medicine, bags of herbs, and following their instructions, my health took a turn for the better. I was not always consistent with their dosage, and I burnt a few expensive ass bags ~___~ but I definitely see much improvement I'm forever grateful for. I have some of my fucking life back, but it's still a sloooow process to heal and change, so I get these espisodes of nausea and gas still. But it's due to eating something that didn't agree with me, or old food. At least I can rationalize if possible that it's gas, however vomiting and regurgitation can happen too. Hasn't happened to me yet, but still. Urp.
This was quite a dilemma that I was constantly bashing my brains about daily. Surprisingly, I don't think I'm depressed as it sounds, since I like doing my art stuff, enjoy my son's milestones and his good points, and feel like moving forward, but I'm at a point where I try to reevaluate my current situation without totally beating myself up for it, which is kinda hard since I'm quite negative lmao. I did come up with a few things that could help me out, but won't happen any time soon because shit:
-I probably should look into therapy, or even couple's therapy, but our insurance coverage is limited and the reviewed for the ones covered were really... terrible. ~______~ I may seek outside the coverage, but I do hear how expensive they can get.
-I need mom friends. ~_~ Or at least friends not so spiteful when marriage and children enter the picture. My current friends are very few, and most of them are online. And all of them are really... really... anti-marriage and/or anti-children, all of them are in their early or mid 30s and are still set in their ways, and can very very blunt about their beliefs without thought or consideration. I dunno where to begin since my kid isn't in daycare yet, and I tried online but I get too excited and type too much. lol One lady seemed really cool though. I had to stop due to some shit and gas probs developing.
-I need to voice out my problems to the hubs, and stand my ground, but not get super defensive or sensitive, which is hard. ^_^; This part is like my mom which I can't stand: I tend to not ask for help in fear of looking stupid or bothering others, but it's not like I haven't asked for help before. Then bitch about them to others, which I hate about myself. I will try to fix that, thus me not really speaking to my online friends as much due to me ranting too much about my home life. The thing is, he acts like a clueless dumbass (he can do his job and cook, but housework, English emails, and childcare? Forget it) and English isn't his first language so I have to explain several times, which gets grating after so and so years. Our communication recently hasn't been so hot because he holes himself with his computer games, overtime work, and movie websites. He always looks busy, so I try to leave him be, but he gets made that I don't ask for help. I HAVE asked to just watch him while I do night chores, but when I return to the room several times in a row, he is asleep or watching intensely a movie or game while or son is wrecking havoc behind him. So you can't say I don't try, I'm working with 2 spoiled brats.
-I need a fucking break from everyone. Even a half day of light window shopping once a month would suffice. I'm not much of a people person anyway because I'm from such a massive family, so a breather away from everything and everyone I know sounds amazing right about now.
-Improve my health and overall lifestyle for a longer, healthier, and happier life. This one is tough because everyone around me eats garbage lmao fuuuuuuuu... jk, I have cut down lots of rich, creamy, heavy, oily and fried foods (ugh my heart...!) and have been eating freshly cooked meals or rice porridge with eggs and vegetables (carrots, broccoli, ginger, celery, sweet potatoes), but I need to eat more variety, which is really difficult when trial and error also ends up with more gas or upset stomach. But the main culprits lately have been old frozen foods. Processed sugars and salty snacks are... a work in progress ~_~ but for sure the intake has gone down significantly. I also need to consider light exercise routines and cleaning/organizing the rooms for a less chaotic atomsphere.
-Future goals. I need to research and plan out stuff better, which I have started a bit. Something better than nothing! I have been looking into grade schools and preschools for my kid since 3 may be a good year for him to enter part time, or even a little dance class would be too cute. He loves dancing and making new moves, it's feverishly cute I just can't
Huh, I feel a bit better after clamping down on the home remedies, so gonna go out for a walk with the kiddie.
Edits because my keyboard sucks and incomplete stuff.