Fic: Know Her 13/? (LoVe)
Title: Know Her 13/?
Author: lipstikstain
Pairing: LoVe, Ensemble
Word Count: 4,334
Rating: PG-13 for language and eventually some NC-17 LoVe
Spoilers: Nothing at all - but to be safe all of season 1 and season 2
Summary: Veronica was given the choice, Duncan or Logan?
Disclaimer: Not mine - all Rob's.
A/N: As usual, closing song can be DOWNLOADED HERE or at the end of the chapter. I used the same song on the Season 3 Soundtrack Challenge over at
VM_Boardwalk, but I changed the format to wma, instead of m4p.
A/N: I think I really need to apologize for all those who have been keeping up with this story. I am very sorry for not updating as long as I did. My summer school and part time job had taken over my life for almost two months that there have been some repercussions to my health so my free time has been consumed by my doctor’s demands for me to stay in the small proximity of my bedroom. So, I am so sorry. I promise that I am already working on the next chapter since I will be bed ridden the next couple of weeks until school starts again.
Logan’s unforeseen and crushing rebuff tampers Veronica’s short-lived excitement. She clears her throat but keeps her mouth shut tight during her ride home as she reflects on what has happened the past week and a half. She keeps her gaze focused on the dark road while tapping her finger to every ticking second she waits for the traffic light to turn green.
She had, for some reason, decided to see Logan that night. Just like last time, she had nothing prepared using only her gut instincts to guide her and tonight they had told her to talk to Logan. She didn’t know what she would have said. She was just going to allow her mouth to overflow with whatever it was developing in her brain.
The image of Logan’s face disappearing behind the door repeats itself until Veronica is ready to perform her own lobotomy. She knows she deserves it since she’s become the very definition of inconsistent and it just wasn’t fair to him anymore. She needed to make a final choice and it was made for her. She wants safety and security- two offerings that Duncan has repeatedly presented on that proverbial silver platter.
Veronica imagines the future Duncan has repeatedly painted for her but each time it would come to the moment where she turns to look at the image of her smiling husband, it’s Logan’s face staring back at her. She shakes the thought and resorts to evading the augmenting hollowness inside of her by telling herself she’s satisfied. Nowadays satisfactory seems to be more than one could hope for that it may seem exceptional to even encounter such a feeling for just a mere second, at least that’s what she thinks.
When she enters her dark apartment she apprehends the vast, empty space and senses loneliness closing in on her.
Why do I always end up alone, she asks herself, puffing her cheeks to release the breath she didn’t know she had been holding.
But loneliness is a choice that people make on their own and a lesson Veronica has inculpably and conveniently not yet learned. She doesn’t think she’s alone and quickly queues the list of people in her life: her father, Alicia, Wallace, Mac and so on, but the burden in her chest doesn’t lighten.
“Snap out of it Veronica,” she tells herself, covering her tired eyes with cold hands.
With the wedding only days away, she settles with herself that everything she will be doing from now until the rest of her life is to forget Logan Echolls came to town with grand sweeping gestures and false words of love…not false, but almost convincing promises.
The next day Veronica succeeds in keeping Logan vacant from her system. She meets with her editor at the Seattle Magazine to pitch story ideas she plans to work on when she returns from her honeymoon, she meets Mac and Cassidy for brunch, and even surprises Duncan at his office with Chinese take-out complete with bright smiles and overt and much needed affection for the sake of repairing the damage of the past week and a half.
Veronica watches as Duncan takes out one greasy box after another with the same intrigue and excitement of a little boy opening presents during a birthday or Christmas morning.
“I can’t believe you did this,” he looks up at her and leans in to kiss her. “Thank you - you are amazing!”
“And don’t you forget it!” she playfully taps his nose and he pauses to gather his thoughts.
“I’ve missed this…I’ve missed…you. I feel like ever since Lo - you just haven’t been yourself lately, but now you seeeeeeeem” he stretches the word and bites his inner cheek, “better.”
Veronica’s shoulders tense knowing that Duncan is tiptoeing around the issue of Logan, and completely dodging her bout with supposed cold feet.
She concedes in her head that it’s all for the best then gathers her things, kisses him on the cheek and formulates an excuse to leave but despite his disappointment, Duncan is satisfied.
****
Alicia and Keith are 10 minutes late for dinner with Veronica and Wallace. When they arrive at Veronica’s apartment, they can smell the aroma of Italian food, or more specifically, pizza. When Keith sees his daughter emerge from the kitchen with the familiar, large, square box, he tilts his head to the side and sighs heavily.
“Honey, when you said you were preparing dinner, I was thinking that it would actually require you to use your stove and for you to channel your inner Julia Child.”
“Oh Father, how you jest! Where’s Daryl?”
Veronica hugs her dad, and kisses Alicia on the cheek, the standard form of greeting since the added family members a couple of years ago, and thrills her to think about it.
“He wasn’t feeling well. This weather hasn’t been good for him, so he’ll be spending the rest of his night getting his energy up in time for the wedding,” answers Alicia.
Veronica quickly tucks her hands in her back pockets and leads her Dad and Alicia to the dining area to find a hungry Wallace already shoving a slice in his mouth. Veronica sits across from him without saying a word and grabs a piece for everyone else and then herself.
“Where’s Duncan?” asks Alicia.
“I actually didn’t mention the dinner to him. I just wanted our family for the night without…” Veronica seeks for the right words, “all that.”
Wallace almost chokes on his food, and he wipes his mouth from any melted cheese.
“So, sister of mine and best friend, could you please elaborate what ‘all that’ means.”
Veronica’s widened eyes shoot straight to Wallace’s evil grimace as he licks the sweet taste of victory from his lips. He successfully freezes her in place, her mouth moving in attempt to form words.
“Um…just…there’s been some slight derailment but all that is fixed now, obligatory step brother and presently ex-best friend.”
Her biting words hardly diffuse Wallace.
“Now, when you say, “derailment”, do you mean human derailment, possibly an ex-boyfriend?” he smiles then howls as he rubs the throbbing pain on his shin and he looks at Veronica who is giving him an innocent look.
“Okay…No need to resort to violence.”
And the subject is quickly dropped.
She doesn’t know what Wallace is up to. She knows that he sympathizes with Logan, but isn’t it friends first then fiends?
Silence trickles as questions focused on everything but the wedding, Duncan, and Logan becomes barren. When dinner is finished, Veronica lethargically gathers the empty plates, piling one dirty dish after another. Noticing her exhaustion, Alicia stands from her seat and offers to help.
She follows Veronica to the kitchen, carrying two empty pizza boxes in each hand. She eyes Veronica carefully placing the dishes in the metal sink and senses her distant thoughts.
“You okay Veronica?”
At first she doesn’t respond, her eyes fixated on the specks of cheese and red sauce staining the white porcelain. She jumps when she feels a warm touch on her back and arms flail, almost hitting Alicia on the face.
“You’ve got nice aim,” says Alicia sportingly.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were behind me.”
Veronica’s chest rises wildly and as she instinctively places a hand over it she feels every pulse vibrate underneath her palm.
She gives Alicia a convincing smile, an expression Veronica has made too often in her life that she has become the master of facades. Before Alicia could leave Veronica stops her.
“Alicia.”
She turns to look at Veronica.
“Did you get cold feet days before you married my dad? Like, did you think that maybe you’re not marrying the right person?”
She crosses her arms, and leans against the counter.
“No, not really because I knew that it doesn’t get better than Keith.”
Veronica straightens in pride. Her father is the best - she’s always known it, but he is also full of faults despite the image of perfection.
“Even after he snuck behind your back to investigate your past?...I mean, betrayed your trust.”
Biting her bottom lip, she her eyes travel throughout the kitchen as she nods in final understanding.
“What do you really want to know Veronica?”
She shrugs her shoulders to deflect Alicia from seeing the true subject at hand.
“Nothing in particular. I just think it’s odd that people can quickly forget mistakes and supply trust as if it’s ample and trivial.”
Veronica is no longer in front of the sink, but has made her way to stand adjacent to her stepmother - the mother she didn’t know she could have.
“I didn’t talk to your dad for over a year, remember? But I missed him and when he showed up at my door with flowers and that stupid grin, I knew that I had to give us another chance.”
The calm visage of Alicia’s face is that of nostalgia, and a wonderful reminder of how much she loved her husband.
“But what about the trust?” a question that surprises Alicia.
She’s known Veronica for what feels like forever to her. She has watched her grow up and save people’s lives which quickly she credits to her bold, and intelligent personality and she’s also aware of the recent ordeal Veronica has been unable to avoid the past couple of days. But this question has an innocent and almost ignorant tone to it that it conflicts with the Veronica she knows.
“That comes with the territory Veronica. It wasn’t easy at first - it never is, but I wanted to be with him.”
Veronica is curbed as every question of “how” inundate her already throbbing head.
“Don’t be afraid to trust someone Veronica, especially if that someone is who you really want.”
Alicia affectionately rubs Veronica’s crossed arms and leaves her in the kitchen, allowing her time to collect her thoughts and herself before joining the rest of the family in the living room.
****
Duncan impatiently checks his watch as he waits for the wooden, double doors to open and reveal his bride-to-be.
“My god, does Veronica think she’s some sort of diva making us all wait? She hasn’t married our money yet and already she thinks she’s too good to be on time.”
Celeste flicks an errant hair and reapplies her blood red lipstick, then puckers her lips at the aging image presented to her on her compact.
“Calm down Celeste, it’s only the rehearsal,” defends Jake Kane, and shakes his head at Duncan who can only shrug his shoulders.
Wallace rubs his hands nervously as he watches the restless crowd through the windows from the vestibule. He walks towards a dark hall in the corner and knocks on the door.
“Hey V, you okay? You’ve been in there for a while now.”
Wallace presses his ear against the door, but all he hears is the water running full blast. On the other side, Veronica doesn’t answer him and continues to moisten a paper towel under the cold water. The metal knobs of the faucet squeak as she turns the water off and she presses the cold and drenched material on the back of her neck. She feels drops of water rolling down from her neck to the concave path down her back and she shudders at the sensation.
Wallace is still leaning against the door when it suddenly opens and Veronica finally emerges.
“What were you doing in there?”
His forehead crinkles in concern when she doesn’t answer immediately. She is about to answer when his phone rings.
“It’s okay Wallace, just answer it. I’m going to go in there.”
Veronica opens the double doors and Wallace immediately hears the recognizable and sonorous voice of an irritated Celeste.
“It’s about time!”
“Why - are you starting to burn surrounded by all these crucifixes and holy water?”
It wasn’t a trip to Disneyland, but it did make Veronica smile for a moment.
****
The morning after he had rejected Veronica, Logan expected Veronica to come back sometime that day to demand to speak to him, but she didn’t. Wallace had advised him to give it time…and although he needs to play hard to get, he wants to run to Veronica and kiss her madly but then he would just be traveling that circle again and she would undoubtedly be running back to Duncan once a moment of clarity hit her. He had stayed in his hotel room the whole day, hoping that she’d knock on his door, but the only sound in his hotel room was the television and voices of people passing in the hallway.
It’s been two days with the wedding day closing in and Veronica still hasn’t shown up or called. Logan tried reverse psychology on her - and he is quickly and hesitantly realizing it isn’t working.
He dials Wallace’s number in a panic while he paces around his room.
“Hello?”
“Wallace!”
Logan didn’t mean to yell, but he doesn’t really know if it’s because he’s excited to be actually talking to someone after two days of solitude or if he’s angry at him for stunting any chance of progression he could have made with Veronica.
“Hey man, I can’t really talk right now. I’m here at the church for the rehearsal,” his voice is a whisper, but the edge of the truth cuts Logan.
“Oh…so she’s really going through with it huh?”
“Yeah, sorry man…I tried to talk to her about it but she got…violent.”
Logan hears Alicia’s voice in the background instructing Wallace to get off the phone and stand next to Duncan at the altar, and his head drops.
Wallace covers the phone and tells his mother that he just needs to finish his call and he’ll be out there with them.
“It’s all right Wallace. Go ahead…I need to start packing anyway,” Logan’s low voice is barely audible.
“You’re going to leave before the wedding?”
“Yeah dude, I can’t be here for THAT day. I have to go as far as I can…It’s done. She really wants marry him, that’s fine.”
“So where are gonna go now?”
“Well, I’ll pack up, leave today and drive back down to Neptune, return the rental car at the airport and just…” Logan trails off.
“Why go back to Neptune?”
“Visit Lily’s grave, maybe catch a good wave or two then I’ll go where the wind takes me…or plane.”
They are silent for a moment until Alicia asks Wallace once again to finish his phone call.
“I better go…take care of yourself Logan and keep in touch.”
“I will man. Bye.”
Logan hears the phone click and his head drops. This is defeat, unequivocally obliterating the vestige of hope he had of winning Veronica back. He should be fully habituated to crushing blows…his life, since he can remember, has been one misfortune after another that it’s actually optimistic for him to think that things in his life can’t actually get worse. With this kind of defensive attitude and lowering his standards to the core of the earth, he’s sure to always be vigilant about his surroundings and never endure another moment of “whammy”.
He’s never really considered losing Veronica because despite being apart from her for so long, he never stopped thinking that she was his - that she belonged to him and that in the end love will conquer all - she would be with him and all that jazz.
The thought of them rehearsing the wedding at the moment he is seeing a future that no longer contained Veronica Mars is enough to make him feel claustrophobic in his very spacious hotel suite. He unzips his bags and begins to gather his things while he considers quenching his failure with tiny liquor bottles neatly placed in the mini bar but resigns the desire, deciding that he can no longer be as destructive as he used to be.
Logan takes one more good look around his room, and sees a green material hanging on a chair. He keeps the door ajar by place his bag in front of it and approaches the chair and when he holds up the green shirt, he remembers what it is and who it came from: the shirt that Veronica had found in the motel he stayed at 6 years ago and returned to him the night she had made frivolous promises to him. He throws it over his shoulder, but he doesn’t move his hand away from it. He realizes that he will never wear it, and wouldn’t want to see it because of what it reminds him. Logan slides it off his shoulders, examining it one more time before throwing it on the chair and heading towards the door.
****
Duncan had offered to make Veronica dinner after the exhausting afternoon at the church. Celeste had proven to be a true witch by criticizing everything and anything that involved Veronica that Alicia had to almost be handcuffed to a bench to keep from clawing Celeste, who would run behind Jake each time Alicia had looked her way.
“I can already tell you that Thanksgiving and Christmas are each going to have nine rounds, complete with referees and a whistle! What do you think Veronica?”
Veronica didn’t hear a word Duncan had said. Her mind, as it has been these almost two weeks, has been wrapped around Logan. She hasn’t heard from him since that night. She admits to herself that she was hoping that he would call her and tell her that he had made a mistake turning her away, but no apologetic phone calls ever made her phone ring.
Duncan snaps a finger in front of Veronica’s face.
“What?” she asks, her look vacant and lost.
“I said, is the spaghetti too salty?”
She looks down at her plate then back at Duncan and shakes her head.
“Where are you at Mars?” asks Duncan, his rosy cheeks and blue eyes failing to charm a distracted Veronica.
“Logan…I mean, you know that something happened between us, right?”
This time, Veronica’s attention is centered and at Duncan. She wants to hear every word he has to say.
“Veronica - I know that you were confused about the wedding and that he manipulated your emotions to win you back, but you resiliently removed yourself from that distraction and I couldn’t be prouder of you.”
Duncan hopes that that would be the end of it, but she continues to prod into to the sore subject.
“But you don’t care? He had his hands and his lips all over me and you still want to marry me? I mean, how will you know that it won’t happen again? How can you still trust me?”
He is losing patience, but keeps his voice controlled and calm.
“Veronica, I love you. I want to be with you and I have faith that you and I can work to build that trust again.”
Duncan finds Veronica’s hands and keeps them tucked in his. She looks at the window and catches the soft reflection of her and Duncan sitting at the table which makes her feel out of place.
“This is wrong,” she whispers.
“What?”
She looks at him, perplexed at the words she had just uttered but she repeats them.
“This is wrong. I…”
Veronica swallows the rock in her throat and feels it land at the bottom of her stomach.
“I can’t marry you Duncan…I…I’m sorry.”
She removes her hand from his tightening grip and moves to the door, but he grabs her arm.
“You’re going to go to him? After everything…”
Veronica turns to him her mind trying to fight the urge to cry - not because of the impending seconds of their break up, but because she feels like she finally knows what she can do to be happy.
“Duncan…you said that you could forgive me and build that trust with me after what I’ve done because you want to be with me,” she licks her dry lips before continuing.
“I want to be with Logan, and yeah it’s going to take some time, but we can work on that trust. The thing is, I see myself with him, and you…you need to let me go.”
They stand staring at each other and she’s unsure of what his next move will be since he’s been unpredictable from day one of Logan’s reappearance. These past two weeks, Duncan had shown her sides of himself she didn’t know he was capable of having, and it only made her realize more that he is not who she wants for better or for worse.
His face is stoic as his hand lands on his side. She breathes in relief and runs out the door, leaving Duncan staring after her and he feels his future crumble as he hears the elevator doors shut echo in the empty, marble hallway.
****
Veronica speeds through the highway, her mind jumbled at what she’s just done and emotions bursting out of her as she laughs uncontrollably. She couldn’t drive fast enough to the Fairmont Olympic Hotel and it killed her to think that she still had to park her car, and run in and take the elevator to the top floor so she can bang on Logan’s door and tell him she’s sorry and that’s she’s made a mistake.
Veronica is filled with excitement that she almost jumps out of her running car when she arrived at the hotel. She is pushing the button for the elevator as if the machinery would really sense her urgency. When she reaches the top floor, she races out of the barely opened doors and sprints through the familiar hallway and was preparing to knock on his door when it opens before her.
Her fist is suspended in the air as the smile that has been plastered on her face dissipates when a tiny woman dressed in uniform stands in front of her. Veronica’s voice is hopeful.
“Um, excuse me…is Logan Echolls in there somewhere?”
“Sorry miss. The person who was in this room checked out a couple of hours ago. Excuse me.”
Veronica moves aside, leaning against the wall for support as the hotel maid pushed her cart in front of her.
“Oh, miss…he did leave this behind.”
She hands Veronica a green shirt then continues pushing her cart down the hallway.
With his green shirt in one hand, and her phone on the other, she expertly dials Wallace’s number, and when he picks up she barely allows him time to greet her.
“Wallace, where’s Logan?”
“Uh-uh V. I love you, but leave the guy alone. He’s hurting really bad right now - just marry Duncan and let him go. You need to ju-“
Veronica’s frustration builds and as she pinches the bridge of her nose to alleviate her annoyance.
“Wallace…Wallace - shut up! I’m not getting married. I need to find Logan.”
The muted background expands the seconds to what feels like hours, then Wallace speaks.
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to change your mind or anything.”
“I’m sure.”
Her words are firm and convincing, but Wallace asks once more.
“Are you sure?”
“YES!!! Now tell me!”
“He’s driving back to Neptune.”
“Driving? Why’s he driving and why Neptune?”
“He said that he needs to something about visiting Lily and returning his rental car…”
**CLOSING MUSIC STARTS**
She ends the call as swiftly as she had started it, leaving Wallace talking to no one on the other line.
As she drives to her apartment to pack, she is calling the airport to inquire about any flight leaving as soon as possible to Neptune. Unfortunately there are no flights scheduled till the next day, but Veronica buys a ticket anyway, seeing no chance of ever catching up to him by driving down there herself since the trip takes almost two days, and Logan is already a day ahead of her.
****
12: 45 p.m.
Veronica hasn’t set foot in Neptune for years, and moment she feels its familiar warmth the ghosts of her past immediately rise. She follows the signs to the car rental, keeping her eyes open and moving, scanning for anyone that may resemble Logan.
She speaks to the manager and the receptionist at the desk, showing them a picture of Logan and asking if he had already come by and to her relief she had beat him to Neptune. She plants herself in the waiting room, her knuckles turning white as she clenches on her phone nervously, while her other hand wipes moisture on her skirt.
1:47 p.m.
Veronica guzzles down her bottled water, bouncing her boot clad legs in rhythm with her nerves.
“Patience is virtue Veronica, patience is virtue,” she tells herself, her eyes watching every figure that passes through the window.
3:59 p.m.
What was a jumping body had simmered down and Veronica is now slowly slumping into her seat. Her eyes are starting to feel heavy and her stomach screamed for more nourishment than a Snickers bar and a piece of spearmint gum. She rests her elbow on the armrest and yawns loudly.
Where the hell is Logan, she wonders.
6:18 p.m.
Veronica voraciously chomps on the sandwich the receptionist had bought for her, and in exchange, Veronica shares with her the purpose of her campout at their office.
“So you’re going to sit here till her comes?”
“Yup…I just hope it’s not too late,”
“Everyone’s a sucker for grand gestures.”
She smiles at Veronica before returning to her place behind the desk.
8:31 p.m .
Veronica has been battling with bodily forces all day. Boredom, hunger, fatigue and now they were all cornering her. Her head slowly lolls back, as her tired eyes gradually find relief behind her lids, but she immediately sits up and rubs her eyes till they are once again wide, but only for a second.
“C’mon Veronica…stay up,” she chants to herself as she surrenders to her exhaustion.
“Veronica?” his voice penetrates her debility and forces her pupils to peek between the tiny slits of her eyes.
“Logan.”
Closing Music: Annie Stela: It's You
Author: lipstikstain
Pairing: LoVe, Ensemble
Word Count: 4,334
Rating: PG-13 for language and eventually some NC-17 LoVe
Spoilers: Nothing at all - but to be safe all of season 1 and season 2
Summary: Veronica was given the choice, Duncan or Logan?
Disclaimer: Not mine - all Rob's.
A/N: As usual, closing song can be DOWNLOADED HERE or at the end of the chapter. I used the same song on the Season 3 Soundtrack Challenge over at
VM_Boardwalk, but I changed the format to wma, instead of m4p.
A/N: I think I really need to apologize for all those who have been keeping up with this story. I am very sorry for not updating as long as I did. My summer school and part time job had taken over my life for almost two months that there have been some repercussions to my health so my free time has been consumed by my doctor’s demands for me to stay in the small proximity of my bedroom. So, I am so sorry. I promise that I am already working on the next chapter since I will be bed ridden the next couple of weeks until school starts again.
Logan’s unforeseen and crushing rebuff tampers Veronica’s short-lived excitement. She clears her throat but keeps her mouth shut tight during her ride home as she reflects on what has happened the past week and a half. She keeps her gaze focused on the dark road while tapping her finger to every ticking second she waits for the traffic light to turn green.
She had, for some reason, decided to see Logan that night. Just like last time, she had nothing prepared using only her gut instincts to guide her and tonight they had told her to talk to Logan. She didn’t know what she would have said. She was just going to allow her mouth to overflow with whatever it was developing in her brain.
The image of Logan’s face disappearing behind the door repeats itself until Veronica is ready to perform her own lobotomy. She knows she deserves it since she’s become the very definition of inconsistent and it just wasn’t fair to him anymore. She needed to make a final choice and it was made for her. She wants safety and security- two offerings that Duncan has repeatedly presented on that proverbial silver platter.
Veronica imagines the future Duncan has repeatedly painted for her but each time it would come to the moment where she turns to look at the image of her smiling husband, it’s Logan’s face staring back at her. She shakes the thought and resorts to evading the augmenting hollowness inside of her by telling herself she’s satisfied. Nowadays satisfactory seems to be more than one could hope for that it may seem exceptional to even encounter such a feeling for just a mere second, at least that’s what she thinks.
When she enters her dark apartment she apprehends the vast, empty space and senses loneliness closing in on her.
Why do I always end up alone, she asks herself, puffing her cheeks to release the breath she didn’t know she had been holding.
But loneliness is a choice that people make on their own and a lesson Veronica has inculpably and conveniently not yet learned. She doesn’t think she’s alone and quickly queues the list of people in her life: her father, Alicia, Wallace, Mac and so on, but the burden in her chest doesn’t lighten.
“Snap out of it Veronica,” she tells herself, covering her tired eyes with cold hands.
With the wedding only days away, she settles with herself that everything she will be doing from now until the rest of her life is to forget Logan Echolls came to town with grand sweeping gestures and false words of love…not false, but almost convincing promises.
The next day Veronica succeeds in keeping Logan vacant from her system. She meets with her editor at the Seattle Magazine to pitch story ideas she plans to work on when she returns from her honeymoon, she meets Mac and Cassidy for brunch, and even surprises Duncan at his office with Chinese take-out complete with bright smiles and overt and much needed affection for the sake of repairing the damage of the past week and a half.
Veronica watches as Duncan takes out one greasy box after another with the same intrigue and excitement of a little boy opening presents during a birthday or Christmas morning.
“I can’t believe you did this,” he looks up at her and leans in to kiss her. “Thank you - you are amazing!”
“And don’t you forget it!” she playfully taps his nose and he pauses to gather his thoughts.
“I’ve missed this…I’ve missed…you. I feel like ever since Lo - you just haven’t been yourself lately, but now you seeeeeeeem” he stretches the word and bites his inner cheek, “better.”
Veronica’s shoulders tense knowing that Duncan is tiptoeing around the issue of Logan, and completely dodging her bout with supposed cold feet.
She concedes in her head that it’s all for the best then gathers her things, kisses him on the cheek and formulates an excuse to leave but despite his disappointment, Duncan is satisfied.
****
Alicia and Keith are 10 minutes late for dinner with Veronica and Wallace. When they arrive at Veronica’s apartment, they can smell the aroma of Italian food, or more specifically, pizza. When Keith sees his daughter emerge from the kitchen with the familiar, large, square box, he tilts his head to the side and sighs heavily.
“Honey, when you said you were preparing dinner, I was thinking that it would actually require you to use your stove and for you to channel your inner Julia Child.”
“Oh Father, how you jest! Where’s Daryl?”
Veronica hugs her dad, and kisses Alicia on the cheek, the standard form of greeting since the added family members a couple of years ago, and thrills her to think about it.
“He wasn’t feeling well. This weather hasn’t been good for him, so he’ll be spending the rest of his night getting his energy up in time for the wedding,” answers Alicia.
Veronica quickly tucks her hands in her back pockets and leads her Dad and Alicia to the dining area to find a hungry Wallace already shoving a slice in his mouth. Veronica sits across from him without saying a word and grabs a piece for everyone else and then herself.
“Where’s Duncan?” asks Alicia.
“I actually didn’t mention the dinner to him. I just wanted our family for the night without…” Veronica seeks for the right words, “all that.”
Wallace almost chokes on his food, and he wipes his mouth from any melted cheese.
“So, sister of mine and best friend, could you please elaborate what ‘all that’ means.”
Veronica’s widened eyes shoot straight to Wallace’s evil grimace as he licks the sweet taste of victory from his lips. He successfully freezes her in place, her mouth moving in attempt to form words.
“Um…just…there’s been some slight derailment but all that is fixed now, obligatory step brother and presently ex-best friend.”
Her biting words hardly diffuse Wallace.
“Now, when you say, “derailment”, do you mean human derailment, possibly an ex-boyfriend?” he smiles then howls as he rubs the throbbing pain on his shin and he looks at Veronica who is giving him an innocent look.
“Okay…No need to resort to violence.”
And the subject is quickly dropped.
She doesn’t know what Wallace is up to. She knows that he sympathizes with Logan, but isn’t it friends first then fiends?
Silence trickles as questions focused on everything but the wedding, Duncan, and Logan becomes barren. When dinner is finished, Veronica lethargically gathers the empty plates, piling one dirty dish after another. Noticing her exhaustion, Alicia stands from her seat and offers to help.
She follows Veronica to the kitchen, carrying two empty pizza boxes in each hand. She eyes Veronica carefully placing the dishes in the metal sink and senses her distant thoughts.
“You okay Veronica?”
At first she doesn’t respond, her eyes fixated on the specks of cheese and red sauce staining the white porcelain. She jumps when she feels a warm touch on her back and arms flail, almost hitting Alicia on the face.
“You’ve got nice aim,” says Alicia sportingly.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were behind me.”
Veronica’s chest rises wildly and as she instinctively places a hand over it she feels every pulse vibrate underneath her palm.
She gives Alicia a convincing smile, an expression Veronica has made too often in her life that she has become the master of facades. Before Alicia could leave Veronica stops her.
“Alicia.”
She turns to look at Veronica.
“Did you get cold feet days before you married my dad? Like, did you think that maybe you’re not marrying the right person?”
She crosses her arms, and leans against the counter.
“No, not really because I knew that it doesn’t get better than Keith.”
Veronica straightens in pride. Her father is the best - she’s always known it, but he is also full of faults despite the image of perfection.
“Even after he snuck behind your back to investigate your past?...I mean, betrayed your trust.”
Biting her bottom lip, she her eyes travel throughout the kitchen as she nods in final understanding.
“What do you really want to know Veronica?”
She shrugs her shoulders to deflect Alicia from seeing the true subject at hand.
“Nothing in particular. I just think it’s odd that people can quickly forget mistakes and supply trust as if it’s ample and trivial.”
Veronica is no longer in front of the sink, but has made her way to stand adjacent to her stepmother - the mother she didn’t know she could have.
“I didn’t talk to your dad for over a year, remember? But I missed him and when he showed up at my door with flowers and that stupid grin, I knew that I had to give us another chance.”
The calm visage of Alicia’s face is that of nostalgia, and a wonderful reminder of how much she loved her husband.
“But what about the trust?” a question that surprises Alicia.
She’s known Veronica for what feels like forever to her. She has watched her grow up and save people’s lives which quickly she credits to her bold, and intelligent personality and she’s also aware of the recent ordeal Veronica has been unable to avoid the past couple of days. But this question has an innocent and almost ignorant tone to it that it conflicts with the Veronica she knows.
“That comes with the territory Veronica. It wasn’t easy at first - it never is, but I wanted to be with him.”
Veronica is curbed as every question of “how” inundate her already throbbing head.
“Don’t be afraid to trust someone Veronica, especially if that someone is who you really want.”
Alicia affectionately rubs Veronica’s crossed arms and leaves her in the kitchen, allowing her time to collect her thoughts and herself before joining the rest of the family in the living room.
****
Duncan impatiently checks his watch as he waits for the wooden, double doors to open and reveal his bride-to-be.
“My god, does Veronica think she’s some sort of diva making us all wait? She hasn’t married our money yet and already she thinks she’s too good to be on time.”
Celeste flicks an errant hair and reapplies her blood red lipstick, then puckers her lips at the aging image presented to her on her compact.
“Calm down Celeste, it’s only the rehearsal,” defends Jake Kane, and shakes his head at Duncan who can only shrug his shoulders.
Wallace rubs his hands nervously as he watches the restless crowd through the windows from the vestibule. He walks towards a dark hall in the corner and knocks on the door.
“Hey V, you okay? You’ve been in there for a while now.”
Wallace presses his ear against the door, but all he hears is the water running full blast. On the other side, Veronica doesn’t answer him and continues to moisten a paper towel under the cold water. The metal knobs of the faucet squeak as she turns the water off and she presses the cold and drenched material on the back of her neck. She feels drops of water rolling down from her neck to the concave path down her back and she shudders at the sensation.
Wallace is still leaning against the door when it suddenly opens and Veronica finally emerges.
“What were you doing in there?”
His forehead crinkles in concern when she doesn’t answer immediately. She is about to answer when his phone rings.
“It’s okay Wallace, just answer it. I’m going to go in there.”
Veronica opens the double doors and Wallace immediately hears the recognizable and sonorous voice of an irritated Celeste.
“It’s about time!”
“Why - are you starting to burn surrounded by all these crucifixes and holy water?”
It wasn’t a trip to Disneyland, but it did make Veronica smile for a moment.
****
The morning after he had rejected Veronica, Logan expected Veronica to come back sometime that day to demand to speak to him, but she didn’t. Wallace had advised him to give it time…and although he needs to play hard to get, he wants to run to Veronica and kiss her madly but then he would just be traveling that circle again and she would undoubtedly be running back to Duncan once a moment of clarity hit her. He had stayed in his hotel room the whole day, hoping that she’d knock on his door, but the only sound in his hotel room was the television and voices of people passing in the hallway.
It’s been two days with the wedding day closing in and Veronica still hasn’t shown up or called. Logan tried reverse psychology on her - and he is quickly and hesitantly realizing it isn’t working.
He dials Wallace’s number in a panic while he paces around his room.
“Hello?”
“Wallace!”
Logan didn’t mean to yell, but he doesn’t really know if it’s because he’s excited to be actually talking to someone after two days of solitude or if he’s angry at him for stunting any chance of progression he could have made with Veronica.
“Hey man, I can’t really talk right now. I’m here at the church for the rehearsal,” his voice is a whisper, but the edge of the truth cuts Logan.
“Oh…so she’s really going through with it huh?”
“Yeah, sorry man…I tried to talk to her about it but she got…violent.”
Logan hears Alicia’s voice in the background instructing Wallace to get off the phone and stand next to Duncan at the altar, and his head drops.
Wallace covers the phone and tells his mother that he just needs to finish his call and he’ll be out there with them.
“It’s all right Wallace. Go ahead…I need to start packing anyway,” Logan’s low voice is barely audible.
“You’re going to leave before the wedding?”
“Yeah dude, I can’t be here for THAT day. I have to go as far as I can…It’s done. She really wants marry him, that’s fine.”
“So where are gonna go now?”
“Well, I’ll pack up, leave today and drive back down to Neptune, return the rental car at the airport and just…” Logan trails off.
“Why go back to Neptune?”
“Visit Lily’s grave, maybe catch a good wave or two then I’ll go where the wind takes me…or plane.”
They are silent for a moment until Alicia asks Wallace once again to finish his phone call.
“I better go…take care of yourself Logan and keep in touch.”
“I will man. Bye.”
Logan hears the phone click and his head drops. This is defeat, unequivocally obliterating the vestige of hope he had of winning Veronica back. He should be fully habituated to crushing blows…his life, since he can remember, has been one misfortune after another that it’s actually optimistic for him to think that things in his life can’t actually get worse. With this kind of defensive attitude and lowering his standards to the core of the earth, he’s sure to always be vigilant about his surroundings and never endure another moment of “whammy”.
He’s never really considered losing Veronica because despite being apart from her for so long, he never stopped thinking that she was his - that she belonged to him and that in the end love will conquer all - she would be with him and all that jazz.
The thought of them rehearsing the wedding at the moment he is seeing a future that no longer contained Veronica Mars is enough to make him feel claustrophobic in his very spacious hotel suite. He unzips his bags and begins to gather his things while he considers quenching his failure with tiny liquor bottles neatly placed in the mini bar but resigns the desire, deciding that he can no longer be as destructive as he used to be.
Logan takes one more good look around his room, and sees a green material hanging on a chair. He keeps the door ajar by place his bag in front of it and approaches the chair and when he holds up the green shirt, he remembers what it is and who it came from: the shirt that Veronica had found in the motel he stayed at 6 years ago and returned to him the night she had made frivolous promises to him. He throws it over his shoulder, but he doesn’t move his hand away from it. He realizes that he will never wear it, and wouldn’t want to see it because of what it reminds him. Logan slides it off his shoulders, examining it one more time before throwing it on the chair and heading towards the door.
****
Duncan had offered to make Veronica dinner after the exhausting afternoon at the church. Celeste had proven to be a true witch by criticizing everything and anything that involved Veronica that Alicia had to almost be handcuffed to a bench to keep from clawing Celeste, who would run behind Jake each time Alicia had looked her way.
“I can already tell you that Thanksgiving and Christmas are each going to have nine rounds, complete with referees and a whistle! What do you think Veronica?”
Veronica didn’t hear a word Duncan had said. Her mind, as it has been these almost two weeks, has been wrapped around Logan. She hasn’t heard from him since that night. She admits to herself that she was hoping that he would call her and tell her that he had made a mistake turning her away, but no apologetic phone calls ever made her phone ring.
Duncan snaps a finger in front of Veronica’s face.
“What?” she asks, her look vacant and lost.
“I said, is the spaghetti too salty?”
She looks down at her plate then back at Duncan and shakes her head.
“Where are you at Mars?” asks Duncan, his rosy cheeks and blue eyes failing to charm a distracted Veronica.
“Logan…I mean, you know that something happened between us, right?”
This time, Veronica’s attention is centered and at Duncan. She wants to hear every word he has to say.
“Veronica - I know that you were confused about the wedding and that he manipulated your emotions to win you back, but you resiliently removed yourself from that distraction and I couldn’t be prouder of you.”
Duncan hopes that that would be the end of it, but she continues to prod into to the sore subject.
“But you don’t care? He had his hands and his lips all over me and you still want to marry me? I mean, how will you know that it won’t happen again? How can you still trust me?”
He is losing patience, but keeps his voice controlled and calm.
“Veronica, I love you. I want to be with you and I have faith that you and I can work to build that trust again.”
Duncan finds Veronica’s hands and keeps them tucked in his. She looks at the window and catches the soft reflection of her and Duncan sitting at the table which makes her feel out of place.
“This is wrong,” she whispers.
“What?”
She looks at him, perplexed at the words she had just uttered but she repeats them.
“This is wrong. I…”
Veronica swallows the rock in her throat and feels it land at the bottom of her stomach.
“I can’t marry you Duncan…I…I’m sorry.”
She removes her hand from his tightening grip and moves to the door, but he grabs her arm.
“You’re going to go to him? After everything…”
Veronica turns to him her mind trying to fight the urge to cry - not because of the impending seconds of their break up, but because she feels like she finally knows what she can do to be happy.
“Duncan…you said that you could forgive me and build that trust with me after what I’ve done because you want to be with me,” she licks her dry lips before continuing.
“I want to be with Logan, and yeah it’s going to take some time, but we can work on that trust. The thing is, I see myself with him, and you…you need to let me go.”
They stand staring at each other and she’s unsure of what his next move will be since he’s been unpredictable from day one of Logan’s reappearance. These past two weeks, Duncan had shown her sides of himself she didn’t know he was capable of having, and it only made her realize more that he is not who she wants for better or for worse.
His face is stoic as his hand lands on his side. She breathes in relief and runs out the door, leaving Duncan staring after her and he feels his future crumble as he hears the elevator doors shut echo in the empty, marble hallway.
****
Veronica speeds through the highway, her mind jumbled at what she’s just done and emotions bursting out of her as she laughs uncontrollably. She couldn’t drive fast enough to the Fairmont Olympic Hotel and it killed her to think that she still had to park her car, and run in and take the elevator to the top floor so she can bang on Logan’s door and tell him she’s sorry and that’s she’s made a mistake.
Veronica is filled with excitement that she almost jumps out of her running car when she arrived at the hotel. She is pushing the button for the elevator as if the machinery would really sense her urgency. When she reaches the top floor, she races out of the barely opened doors and sprints through the familiar hallway and was preparing to knock on his door when it opens before her.
Her fist is suspended in the air as the smile that has been plastered on her face dissipates when a tiny woman dressed in uniform stands in front of her. Veronica’s voice is hopeful.
“Um, excuse me…is Logan Echolls in there somewhere?”
“Sorry miss. The person who was in this room checked out a couple of hours ago. Excuse me.”
Veronica moves aside, leaning against the wall for support as the hotel maid pushed her cart in front of her.
“Oh, miss…he did leave this behind.”
She hands Veronica a green shirt then continues pushing her cart down the hallway.
With his green shirt in one hand, and her phone on the other, she expertly dials Wallace’s number, and when he picks up she barely allows him time to greet her.
“Wallace, where’s Logan?”
“Uh-uh V. I love you, but leave the guy alone. He’s hurting really bad right now - just marry Duncan and let him go. You need to ju-“
Veronica’s frustration builds and as she pinches the bridge of her nose to alleviate her annoyance.
“Wallace…Wallace - shut up! I’m not getting married. I need to find Logan.”
The muted background expands the seconds to what feels like hours, then Wallace speaks.
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to change your mind or anything.”
“I’m sure.”
Her words are firm and convincing, but Wallace asks once more.
“Are you sure?”
“YES!!! Now tell me!”
“He’s driving back to Neptune.”
“Driving? Why’s he driving and why Neptune?”
“He said that he needs to something about visiting Lily and returning his rental car…”
**CLOSING MUSIC STARTS**
She ends the call as swiftly as she had started it, leaving Wallace talking to no one on the other line.
As she drives to her apartment to pack, she is calling the airport to inquire about any flight leaving as soon as possible to Neptune. Unfortunately there are no flights scheduled till the next day, but Veronica buys a ticket anyway, seeing no chance of ever catching up to him by driving down there herself since the trip takes almost two days, and Logan is already a day ahead of her.
****
12: 45 p.m.
Veronica hasn’t set foot in Neptune for years, and moment she feels its familiar warmth the ghosts of her past immediately rise. She follows the signs to the car rental, keeping her eyes open and moving, scanning for anyone that may resemble Logan.
She speaks to the manager and the receptionist at the desk, showing them a picture of Logan and asking if he had already come by and to her relief she had beat him to Neptune. She plants herself in the waiting room, her knuckles turning white as she clenches on her phone nervously, while her other hand wipes moisture on her skirt.
1:47 p.m.
Veronica guzzles down her bottled water, bouncing her boot clad legs in rhythm with her nerves.
“Patience is virtue Veronica, patience is virtue,” she tells herself, her eyes watching every figure that passes through the window.
3:59 p.m.
What was a jumping body had simmered down and Veronica is now slowly slumping into her seat. Her eyes are starting to feel heavy and her stomach screamed for more nourishment than a Snickers bar and a piece of spearmint gum. She rests her elbow on the armrest and yawns loudly.
Where the hell is Logan, she wonders.
6:18 p.m.
Veronica voraciously chomps on the sandwich the receptionist had bought for her, and in exchange, Veronica shares with her the purpose of her campout at their office.
“So you’re going to sit here till her comes?”
“Yup…I just hope it’s not too late,”
“Everyone’s a sucker for grand gestures.”
She smiles at Veronica before returning to her place behind the desk.
8:31 p.m .
Veronica has been battling with bodily forces all day. Boredom, hunger, fatigue and now they were all cornering her. Her head slowly lolls back, as her tired eyes gradually find relief behind her lids, but she immediately sits up and rubs her eyes till they are once again wide, but only for a second.
“C’mon Veronica…stay up,” she chants to herself as she surrenders to her exhaustion.
“Veronica?” his voice penetrates her debility and forces her pupils to peek between the tiny slits of her eyes.
“Logan.”
Closing Music: Annie Stela: It's You