In which I start a journey
Last Wednesday evening went well. It was not what I had planned in my head (and boy, you sooo don't want to get inside of that), but it was quite pleasant.
My immediate reaction after the dinner ended was, "Ugh. Not good. I mean, it was okay, but I didn't ask the questions that I needed to ask, and I'm still confused about whether I should pursue this or not. Why can't I just get a clear sign? ... No one ever likes me. Emo, emo, emo."
I ended up falling asleep that night around 9PM out of sheer exhaustion from overanalzying my neuroses.
The next day, I began to analyze the previous night in an objective unbiased-noncrazy-Dallas light. No, it was not what I had planned, but since I haven't conquered the ability to make others say what I want them to say yet, what I planned was never going to happen anyway. Also because Fate likes to mess with my crazy controlling urges, everything did not go as peachy-keen as it could have.
The day was kind of miserable, as I did not want to answer anymore asinine calls from people who felt like I personally owed them something. Also, I had timed out my commute perfectly in order to meet The Boy at the correct time, but of course, someone decided to call one minute before I jumped out of my chair to leave. So I was late, and then he was late, and ugh.
After we ordered our drinks, I asked if he was okay because he looked a bit worn down. What I found out was that we both had bad days and were emotionally drained. I processed this as being awful because the last thing you want on a Maybe-Date/Please-Let-This-Be-A-Maybe-Date(TM) is to feel like shit while you are there. Or worse, have the person you're trying to make "see the way" feeling like he/she just got run over by a bus.
I thought it was going to be extra hard to show him that I am the awesome and see how compatible we are (which is difficult in the first place since I'm insecure as fuck). However, I always admit this after the fact, but Fate knows more than I do. Because of the fact that we were both worn from the day, it was like we had no strength to keep up our defenses or walls to keep our topics on the surface or on non-consequential matters. By hearing about each other's bad day, deeper parts of ourselves were laid out for the other to see - like insecurities and personal motivations. It was nice. My recon mission ended up gathering a lot more info than I first perceived.
He stayed later than he should have (he had to get across town for work) which is always a good sign. I sent him a text the next day saying how I liked that we met up on a hellish day because it made me realize how happy seeing him makes me. A slightly heavy text, but I am so that girl that needs you to know how I feel about you, especially when you make me happy.
So, I was quite content with the way things went down. I have been telling my bestest that I am being forced on this Journey of Patience that makes me want to gnaw my hand off at times, but after coming to my senses on Thursday, I did not mind it so much. I began to realize that he needs to see that I can be supportive and the right type of girl before I tell him anything. So with this Journey, I do not like it, but I am beginning to understand its merits.
I hadn't corresponded with him since I received an appropriate and polite response to the "heavy" text on Thursday and thought that was a great way to let it lay for awhile. Patience, remember? Yesterday evening, a series of texts were sent to me (while I was letting a tennis rant loose to one of my friends) that stole my breath and words away for a bit. He apologized for his abrupt and possibly rude response (which it was neither). He stated that he wanted me to know how much he "cherished" me as a friend, and that he truly enjoyed our dinner together, and he cannot wait to hang out with me again.
To say that I was verklempt is an understatement. First of all, those messages meant that I was on his mind for the entire weekend. *BLUSH* Secondly, it is usually me who uses language like that. "Cherish". No guy that I have talked to has ever used that word to explain anything let alone when they are using it in relation to me.
I don't know what is going to happen while we travel down this road. I know that he is an extremely busy guy with the work that he does, and I truly do support his ambition. In the coming hangouts, I want him to see that I am not looking to detract from his goals. I am looking for someone to complement and who can complement me, not complete me. I am my own woman, with my own way of doing things who is just looking to enjoy the ride with someone.
A true romantic is not synonymous with neediness. I know what love is, and I want it. For what is life without that force?
Remember to love.
My immediate reaction after the dinner ended was, "Ugh. Not good. I mean, it was okay, but I didn't ask the questions that I needed to ask, and I'm still confused about whether I should pursue this or not. Why can't I just get a clear sign? ... No one ever likes me. Emo, emo, emo."
I ended up falling asleep that night around 9PM out of sheer exhaustion from overanalzying my neuroses.
The next day, I began to analyze the previous night in an objective unbiased-noncrazy-Dallas light. No, it was not what I had planned, but since I haven't conquered the ability to make others say what I want them to say yet, what I planned was never going to happen anyway. Also because Fate likes to mess with my crazy controlling urges, everything did not go as peachy-keen as it could have.
The day was kind of miserable, as I did not want to answer anymore asinine calls from people who felt like I personally owed them something. Also, I had timed out my commute perfectly in order to meet The Boy at the correct time, but of course, someone decided to call one minute before I jumped out of my chair to leave. So I was late, and then he was late, and ugh.
After we ordered our drinks, I asked if he was okay because he looked a bit worn down. What I found out was that we both had bad days and were emotionally drained. I processed this as being awful because the last thing you want on a Maybe-Date/Please-Let-This-Be-A-Maybe-Date(TM) is to feel like shit while you are there. Or worse, have the person you're trying to make "see the way" feeling like he/she just got run over by a bus.
I thought it was going to be extra hard to show him that I am the awesome and see how compatible we are (which is difficult in the first place since I'm insecure as fuck). However, I always admit this after the fact, but Fate knows more than I do. Because of the fact that we were both worn from the day, it was like we had no strength to keep up our defenses or walls to keep our topics on the surface or on non-consequential matters. By hearing about each other's bad day, deeper parts of ourselves were laid out for the other to see - like insecurities and personal motivations. It was nice. My recon mission ended up gathering a lot more info than I first perceived.
He stayed later than he should have (he had to get across town for work) which is always a good sign. I sent him a text the next day saying how I liked that we met up on a hellish day because it made me realize how happy seeing him makes me. A slightly heavy text, but I am so that girl that needs you to know how I feel about you, especially when you make me happy.
So, I was quite content with the way things went down. I have been telling my bestest that I am being forced on this Journey of Patience that makes me want to gnaw my hand off at times, but after coming to my senses on Thursday, I did not mind it so much. I began to realize that he needs to see that I can be supportive and the right type of girl before I tell him anything. So with this Journey, I do not like it, but I am beginning to understand its merits.
I hadn't corresponded with him since I received an appropriate and polite response to the "heavy" text on Thursday and thought that was a great way to let it lay for awhile. Patience, remember? Yesterday evening, a series of texts were sent to me (while I was letting a tennis rant loose to one of my friends) that stole my breath and words away for a bit. He apologized for his abrupt and possibly rude response (which it was neither). He stated that he wanted me to know how much he "cherished" me as a friend, and that he truly enjoyed our dinner together, and he cannot wait to hang out with me again.
To say that I was verklempt is an understatement. First of all, those messages meant that I was on his mind for the entire weekend. *BLUSH* Secondly, it is usually me who uses language like that. "Cherish". No guy that I have talked to has ever used that word to explain anything let alone when they are using it in relation to me.
I don't know what is going to happen while we travel down this road. I know that he is an extremely busy guy with the work that he does, and I truly do support his ambition. In the coming hangouts, I want him to see that I am not looking to detract from his goals. I am looking for someone to complement and who can complement me, not complete me. I am my own woman, with my own way of doing things who is just looking to enjoy the ride with someone.
A true romantic is not synonymous with neediness. I know what love is, and I want it. For what is life without that force?
Remember to love.