(no subject)
So I'm in a really confusing situation. I was right about Daniel, to the very last detail. He slept with one girl, and then with another, whom he is now going out with. The problem is, he won't leave it be now. I told him, honestly, to not drag this situation with me on any more. I've been hurt enough, and these most recent events have hurt me the most. He has a girlfriend now, he doesn't need me anymore. Yet when I yelled and screamed at Daniel last Wednesday after finding out how he'd basically dumped me, and lied to me, he did nothing but plead how much I mean to him and how much he'd give up for me.
I've had time to think about it. I have never felt so betrayed in my life. But for some fucked up reason I can't help but want to give it another chance. I guess it's because I know that what I have with Daniel, the connection between us, is really rare and I don't want to lose it. But I'm so sceptical that it makes the situation almost depressing. I'm trying to be friends with my ex-boyfriend, who up until a month ago was still with me, until a "break" between us turned into him getting another girlfriend. Now whenever I'm with him all I can think of is how rejeceted I feel. I feel so upset I just want to cry. Especially when he tells me much he cares.. because he's said that before and just hurt me again. I don't if I can ever trust him. And I'm so sick of being screwed around. Now that he has a girlfriend, what does he want from me? Why is he persuing my friendship, which can never be anything more. What can he get out of it? All I get out of it is hearing about how he goes home to some other girl, and feeling sick with jealousy.
So I've been crying nearly every day. Even after spending an amazing four hours with him on Sunday, just being with eachother. We sat in his car at the beach, and just talked. It proved to him that we do have a special friendship.. usually you'd just get bored with someone like that. I don't know if I can handle this friendship with Daniel though. Every day, I realise more and more how much he means to me. It's strange how love can grow, even when theres no obvious reason for it. As time goes by it just grows stronger. And now I'm really scared.
This morning at 4:30am, while slightly drunk still, I sent him a message. "I'm sorry, I can't be friends with you, it's too hard." See, even when I'm out having fun, I'm still thinking about him. It's what makes everything so difficult. He replied: "Why is it too hard? What have I done?" "It's everything, just being with you is hard and you know why. And I don't think I can handle any conflict between us anymore, it basically breaks my heart." "Please don't be heartbroken over me, I'm nothing special. I just truly want to be friends with you." That made me start to cry. Nothing special? *sigh* The problem is that I love him, and I can't trust him not to hurt me. It's the most horrible situation and I don't know what to do. Do I say goodbye? Heal? Or do I take the chance? And the fact that he has a girlfriend.. fuck. Just hugging him makes me feel guilty. It's all fucked up, and I can't stop crying about it all.
I've had time to think about it. I have never felt so betrayed in my life. But for some fucked up reason I can't help but want to give it another chance. I guess it's because I know that what I have with Daniel, the connection between us, is really rare and I don't want to lose it. But I'm so sceptical that it makes the situation almost depressing. I'm trying to be friends with my ex-boyfriend, who up until a month ago was still with me, until a "break" between us turned into him getting another girlfriend. Now whenever I'm with him all I can think of is how rejeceted I feel. I feel so upset I just want to cry. Especially when he tells me much he cares.. because he's said that before and just hurt me again. I don't if I can ever trust him. And I'm so sick of being screwed around. Now that he has a girlfriend, what does he want from me? Why is he persuing my friendship, which can never be anything more. What can he get out of it? All I get out of it is hearing about how he goes home to some other girl, and feeling sick with jealousy.
So I've been crying nearly every day. Even after spending an amazing four hours with him on Sunday, just being with eachother. We sat in his car at the beach, and just talked. It proved to him that we do have a special friendship.. usually you'd just get bored with someone like that. I don't know if I can handle this friendship with Daniel though. Every day, I realise more and more how much he means to me. It's strange how love can grow, even when theres no obvious reason for it. As time goes by it just grows stronger. And now I'm really scared.
This morning at 4:30am, while slightly drunk still, I sent him a message. "I'm sorry, I can't be friends with you, it's too hard." See, even when I'm out having fun, I'm still thinking about him. It's what makes everything so difficult. He replied: "Why is it too hard? What have I done?" "It's everything, just being with you is hard and you know why. And I don't think I can handle any conflict between us anymore, it basically breaks my heart." "Please don't be heartbroken over me, I'm nothing special. I just truly want to be friends with you." That made me start to cry. Nothing special? *sigh* The problem is that I love him, and I can't trust him not to hurt me. It's the most horrible situation and I don't know what to do. Do I say goodbye? Heal? Or do I take the chance? And the fact that he has a girlfriend.. fuck. Just hugging him makes me feel guilty. It's all fucked up, and I can't stop crying about it all.