(no subject)
I let my sanity pills run out without getting them refilled. I have been without for four or five days and it hasn't gone over too well. I find myself irritable, easily slipping into much deeper depression than usual. I get overly pissed off at the smallest trifles then I feel severely guilty for reacting so inappropriately. Depressions follows hot on the heels and with that comes critical thinking. By this I mean something like, "what the f@#* is the matter with me? I'm such a stupid piece of scheidt and it's only a matter of time before people see through my facade and she's doing that wrong she should be doing it this way damn she's even dumber than I am oh god what an asshole I am for thinking negative thoughts about anyone else it's me it's all MY fault...." It goes on and on and on and on in my mind. The constant drone of negativity makes it so damned difficult to do anything but keep it in check, not to let it spill too much out into the world. I keep thinking about what an awful person I am but I suppose if I truly was as bad as I sometimes think I am... I wouldn't care about letting my pain and anger flood the earth. So irritable, quick to anger because I phucking hurt because for some reason I didn't refill my meds even though I knew what would happen if I went off them cold turkey. You know, I don't make sense to myself sometimes. Boo hoo hoo. Woe is me. My woyld is ending. Eh. It doesn't feel good but I'll slog through it. I just got my meds refilled earlier today so they should kick back in soon. I am off to bed (spelled backwards deb I wonder what that means...) because I am wiped wiped wiped and I need to get up for work in the AM. Oyasumi Nasai!!! A lady with much the same feline energy as I just shuddered. Mwaaahahahahaaaa!