I'm A Lit. Abuser?
LITERATURE ABUSE: OUR HIDDEN PROBLEM
SELF-TEST FOR LITERATURE ABUSERS
How many of these apply to you?
1. I have read fiction when I was depressed, or to cheer myself up.
Yup. Once, I was depressed, I read Romeo And Juliet. Didn't really help. Mwah.
2. I have gone on reading binges of an entire book or more in a day.
Yes. LIke, all the time. Constantly.
3. I read rapidly, often 'gulping' chapters.
Yes. I read the entire Harry Potter series (#s one-five) in a day.
4. I have sometimes read early in the morning or before work.
Often.
5. I have hidden books in different places to sneak a chapter without being seen.
Yeah... Once or twice....
6. I keep a book in my pocket to be sure I'm never without one.
My pocket rarely fit 'em... but I always have one in my backpack or purse.
7. Sometimes I avoid friends or family obligations in order to read novels.
..maybe....
8. Sometimes I re-write film or television dialog as the characters speak.
Once. ONCE!!
...and I do it often for a fanfiction.
9. I am unable to enjoy myself with others unless there is a book nearby.
No.
10. At a party, I will often slip off unnoticed to read.
NO. Parties are fun! Why would I avoid people like that? I have a friend who does that.. it's really irritating.
11. Reading has made me seek haunts and companions which I would otherwise avoid.
TORC... TST.... I wouldn't avoid those people or places, but I don't think that I would join them, as I dwasn't interested in those topics.
12. I have neglected personal hygiene or household chores until I have finished a novel.
Sleep? Who needs sleep? I’d rather read.
13. I have spent money meant for necessities on books instead.
.... yes. I almost was unable to pay my phone bill because a new Tamora Peirce book was out....
14. I have attempted to check out more library books than permitted.
Yup
15. Most of my friends are heavy fiction readers.
Yes.
16. I have sometimes passed out from a night of heavy reading.
Sometimes? Often!
17. I have suffered 'blackouts' or memory loss from a bout of reading.
No.....
18. I have wept, become angry, or very emotional because of something I read.
Yes. Oh, have I ever.
19. I have sometimes wished I did not read so much.
No, who in their right mind would want to wish that on me?
20. Sometimes I think my reading is out of control.
I've never thought that! It's wonderful!
If you answered 'yes' to three or more of these questions, you may be a literature abuser.
Abusers become withdrawn, uninterested in society or normal relationships. They fantasize, creating alternative worlds to occupy, to the neglect of friends and family.
In severe cases they develop bad posture from reading in awkward positions or carrying heavy book bags.
Excessive reading during pregnancy is perhaps the number one cause of moral deformity among the children of English professors, teachers of English and creative writing. Known as Fetal Fiction Syndrome, this disease also leaves its victims prone to a lifetime of nearsightedness, daydreaming and emotional instability.
Children should be encouraged to seek physical activity and to avoid isolation and morbid introspection.
Bwahahaha..... I have a severe case, but I don't want any healing!
SELF-TEST FOR LITERATURE ABUSERS
How many of these apply to you?
1. I have read fiction when I was depressed, or to cheer myself up.
Yup. Once, I was depressed, I read Romeo And Juliet. Didn't really help. Mwah.
2. I have gone on reading binges of an entire book or more in a day.
Yes. LIke, all the time. Constantly.
3. I read rapidly, often 'gulping' chapters.
Yes. I read the entire Harry Potter series (#s one-five) in a day.
4. I have sometimes read early in the morning or before work.
Often.
5. I have hidden books in different places to sneak a chapter without being seen.
Yeah... Once or twice....
6. I keep a book in my pocket to be sure I'm never without one.
My pocket rarely fit 'em... but I always have one in my backpack or purse.
7. Sometimes I avoid friends or family obligations in order to read novels.
..maybe....
8. Sometimes I re-write film or television dialog as the characters speak.
Once. ONCE!!
...and I do it often for a fanfiction.
9. I am unable to enjoy myself with others unless there is a book nearby.
No.
10. At a party, I will often slip off unnoticed to read.
NO. Parties are fun! Why would I avoid people like that? I have a friend who does that.. it's really irritating.
11. Reading has made me seek haunts and companions which I would otherwise avoid.
TORC... TST.... I wouldn't avoid those people or places, but I don't think that I would join them, as I dwasn't interested in those topics.
12. I have neglected personal hygiene or household chores until I have finished a novel.
Sleep? Who needs sleep? I’d rather read.
13. I have spent money meant for necessities on books instead.
.... yes. I almost was unable to pay my phone bill because a new Tamora Peirce book was out....
14. I have attempted to check out more library books than permitted.
Yup
15. Most of my friends are heavy fiction readers.
Yes.
16. I have sometimes passed out from a night of heavy reading.
Sometimes? Often!
17. I have suffered 'blackouts' or memory loss from a bout of reading.
No.....
18. I have wept, become angry, or very emotional because of something I read.
Yes. Oh, have I ever.
19. I have sometimes wished I did not read so much.
No, who in their right mind would want to wish that on me?
20. Sometimes I think my reading is out of control.
I've never thought that! It's wonderful!
If you answered 'yes' to three or more of these questions, you may be a literature abuser.
Abusers become withdrawn, uninterested in society or normal relationships. They fantasize, creating alternative worlds to occupy, to the neglect of friends and family.
In severe cases they develop bad posture from reading in awkward positions or carrying heavy book bags.
Excessive reading during pregnancy is perhaps the number one cause of moral deformity among the children of English professors, teachers of English and creative writing. Known as Fetal Fiction Syndrome, this disease also leaves its victims prone to a lifetime of nearsightedness, daydreaming and emotional instability.
Children should be encouraged to seek physical activity and to avoid isolation and morbid introspection.
Bwahahaha..... I have a severe case, but I don't want any healing!