Watch Me Stress!
I guess they say patience is a virtue because it's so damn hard. The past couple days have found me incredibly stressed out because of the uncontrollable urge I keep having to march right into the Whole Foods my green-haired darling works at, drag him from behind the cheese counter by the hair and say, 'We're talking this out like adults and fixing
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I guess to make this as short and unboring as possible......you're an awesome person and as a watcher and admirer I feel you are being treated unfairly. I won't even begin to try and understand everything based on what you've posted but....I mean if you're feeling better about it after your hospital stay then I am extremely happy that you are recovering. But I still hurt for you that you even had to make that hospital trip in the first place based on the emotional indecency of another human being....them being someone you care deeply for or not. Nobody should be treated that way to the extent of having to go to a hospital. If it were me I'd be doing exactly what you have stated you have refrained from doing. I'd be not only barging into their work place or blowing up a phone or going straight to their doorstep, but I'd be doing it angrily....and rightfully so. If somebody cares about you as much as you care for them....they should give you the time of day. It's a common courtesy really. Not talking to somebody for one...two...three weeks or more...whatever amount of time that is more than a 72 hour time frame is just rude and selfish (to me mind you) because issues can't just sit....they don't go anywhere and it would be just even a simple courtesy for this individual to at least, if not talk about things, to say "hi" be it in person or by phone or text....let you know they're okay and find out if you're doing okay....actually giving a shit (in so many words)......and I'm trying not to toe any lines here....but once again as I stated above you are a person that I deeply respect and admire albeit online from afar and I hate to see someone as awesome as you done such an injustice over such a personal thing, and as an admirer I worry about your wellbeing because I would hate to hear that you are not doing okay at all or worse.
If I ever get the chance to meet you in person in a convention AA, you are getting a plate of cookies and a hug because you rock.
And again, I am sorry if I crossed any sort of line or anything by commenting with this....but I wanted to say it because you deserve fair treatment just like the next person. You deserve an explanation and answers and the time of day.
I really hope things can mend between you two, I really do. And I hope that this person is smart and decent enough to come around sooner than later and give you the same love and respect and time and consideration that you have shown to them, because love is never a one sided affair. So I really wish you the best and you have my thoughts and well wishes.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
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But I appreciate your comment. I mean, there would be no point in posting if I didn't want to hear all the thoughts that are thought about it, lol. I have to admit to you that there was a brief period last week where I was just really upset and angry at my green-haired darling for the way everything was falling together, and a friend of mine had to deal with me just ranting and raving all those negative feelings so I could get rid of them. Once that was done with, though, I've found I've had a clearer head and I'm not really angry at all, but just frustrated with the whole thing. Because I know via various sources that he still cares, and honestly it was only just right now that I've realized that maybe unlike me, he needs to doom and gloom a bit over everything whereas I just like to purge it as fast as possible. When we had a break last time, I think he realized that his moody presence was upsetting me, which is perhaps what he was thinking when he said that he was going to hang back for a little bit. But I personally just don't see the sense in that, because then you just get stuck in that negative thinking. Like, I get that people process things differently, but how is he supposed to know what I've done to better myself if he's still in his little bubble of doom? Frankly, I kind of wonder if he has a similar disorder to the one I was diagnosed with at the hospital. It wouldn't surprise me.
So part of me feels like it's a good idea to just kick down the door with him, especially since I'm in therapy and feeling a lot better than I did... like in ways I didn't even know I could feel. I really want things to mend as well, and I understand good things come to those who wait and that things like this take time, but I also feel like you gotta take shit in your own hands, you know? I mean, maybe that's part of what makes us suited for each other. Some Duo Maxwell shit up in here: don't roll over and die that easily, you know?
PS
I'm taking a small break from conventions as doing like 6+ of them every year for the past ten years can leave you a bit burned out, but can I just tell you I nearly thought you meant Alcoholics Anonymous by that? I guess it's because I've started going to meetings that that's the first thing I see. And so we come right back around again: phooey on growing up, haha.
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