Watch Me Stress!
I guess they say patience is a virtue because it's so damn hard. The past couple days have found me incredibly stressed out because of the uncontrollable urge I keep having to march right into the Whole Foods my green-haired darling works at, drag him from behind the cheese counter by the hair and say, 'We're talking this out like adults and fixing this shit. Because this is ridiculous.' My roommate, my friend who spoke to him and another friend who not only thinks just like me, but pretty much went through the same thing with her boyfriend, who is, incidentally, just an Italian version of my idiot... they all stressed the importance of taking space not just for him, but also for myself. I guess I'm just super impatient to show my green-haired idiot that I can take control of my own shit and help myself all on my own. I mean, I know I still have a long way to go, and I know half of what he wants to see out of me is that I can manage without having to lean on him, but my hospital stay and the therapy I've started since I got out have made such a difference since before, it's a little crazy. Like, it's almost infuriating that I hadn't done this sooner.
But my friends say that the time isn't all about me, and I guess I have to remember that. They were explaining to me that he needs some time to work out his own shit and get his own head in a good place before he can worry about my shit. That makes sense, but I keep wondering if it's possible for him to properly think about the whole situation if he doesn't know at least the basics of what I learned about myself in the hospital, what was happening with me before, and what is happening to put that stuff on a shelf. I was told that if he's felt emotionally drained by the whole situation, he just needs time to get back on his feet before he can look back at the whole thing, and unfortunately, he's just a lot slower at all that then I am. Yet I don't see the use in wallowing like that, and I feel like all he needs are some kicks in the pants to get out of his own head. I'm not saying we have to get back together, like... today or something. Honestly, I'm not sure I'm quite that ready.... But I do miss having him around to talk to, and I feel like communication is a big part of what will heal us. But that's just me. Am I wrong?
My roommate says my life is practically like that movie The Silver Lining Playbook that's getting so much attention for Oscar season. I just hate feeling like no matter how hard I work, it's not going to matter to anybody but me. And it's not that I'm exactly doing all this shit for other people, as making myself happy should be the first aim, but at the same time, I'm doing it for other people. You know, so they can feel better about being around me, which ends up helping me in the end anyway. If you know what I mean :|
But my friends say that the time isn't all about me, and I guess I have to remember that. They were explaining to me that he needs some time to work out his own shit and get his own head in a good place before he can worry about my shit. That makes sense, but I keep wondering if it's possible for him to properly think about the whole situation if he doesn't know at least the basics of what I learned about myself in the hospital, what was happening with me before, and what is happening to put that stuff on a shelf. I was told that if he's felt emotionally drained by the whole situation, he just needs time to get back on his feet before he can look back at the whole thing, and unfortunately, he's just a lot slower at all that then I am. Yet I don't see the use in wallowing like that, and I feel like all he needs are some kicks in the pants to get out of his own head. I'm not saying we have to get back together, like... today or something. Honestly, I'm not sure I'm quite that ready.... But I do miss having him around to talk to, and I feel like communication is a big part of what will heal us. But that's just me. Am I wrong?
My roommate says my life is practically like that movie The Silver Lining Playbook that's getting so much attention for Oscar season. I just hate feeling like no matter how hard I work, it's not going to matter to anybody but me. And it's not that I'm exactly doing all this shit for other people, as making myself happy should be the first aim, but at the same time, I'm doing it for other people. You know, so they can feel better about being around me, which ends up helping me in the end anyway. If you know what I mean :|