In with and Within
I didn't get much done today in the department. Sometimes I wonder if I would get more done during the week if I didn't go in during the weekend. But I did do some small stuff that needed to get done and every bit helps. Maybe Saturdays are my days to work poorly so I work good during the week. I fought with Illustrator and photoshop too. I have a panoramic picture of my field area and I added red lines and symbols to it for my poster forever ago. I couldn't find the original picture file, so I tried to move the pic from the poster in illustrator to photoshop so I could remove the symbols. No. I think photoshop hates me a little bit. It's never worked right for me. But i wasn't sure what the problem was, so I went back to my desk, picked out two new pictures that were different shades of brightness, and put them together in illustrator, and tried to move that over to photoshop. No. I was completely and utterly ignored by photoshop. I spent about an hour on this before I gave up and went home. The frustrating part is that illustrator is only on a computer with a stupid broken desk in another locked room that is tiny. It's actually in a room that is within a room in a completely different hall than the grad room.
The illustrator computer room key is a key that is wired to a plastic jellyfish so that the key is one of its tentacles. The other tentacles get in the way making it extremely difficult to unlock the door.
Kimmy did proof read my thesis. She did a good job of catching a lot of things I definitely would not have. Every time she read the word "we" she asked in parenthesis behind it "who is we?" Which I thought was hilarious! i ask myself that every time I read it and shudder at what Z and Ms. T and Mr. Blake would think if they knew I was using "we". But Calvin...he notices when I try to sneak them out of the paper and makes me put them back. Its very important that I say who did what...which technically "we" doesn't answer that at all. Though I guess in the scientific world and to the 10 people who will ever read this for a scientific reason, will assume "we" is the research group I worked with.
Anyways, Kimmy added a lot of amusing comments and I could tell when she found something absurd and would highlight it. It made me feels tons better about everything to have someone to look at this and point out the funny parts and then laugh with them about it. Even if it was actually alone and across the country. I could still hear her saying the things out loud.
My favorite is that she pointed out that I used the words "in with and within". Hilarious. And that is exactly what I mean...the enclaves were mixed in with the pumice and found within the pumice too! I think for now that's my favorite part of my thesis.
The other night I couldn't sleep because of stress (it was the day I freaked out...Thursday). I think I did sleep but I think my dreams was really me still just thinking. I remember I had all these amazing revelations about life and my life and why things are the way they are. I can't remember them now any more though and I wish I could. The only thing I do remember is that I was incredibly frustrated because all the books I own and have read are for teenage girls. I love them, I read them over and over, and then this last year I read a few of them, and they all lost their magic. The writing isn't at thourough as I would like. I see through it all too easily. I think to that day or the day before I finished a book with one of my all time favorite love scenes/story in it, the one that inspired me to like boys with long blond curly hair, the one where I was in love the guy in the book. I read it, and nothing. It's like waking up one morning and realizing you no longer have any sort of feeling for the person next to you. I also realized that the book was sort of poorly written, and I knew all the parts that were frustrating and why. I no longer can just gloss over them. I was betrayed by a book.
So back to the point of that dream. I think my whole life is like that...all around me I have things from college/high school for a younger less mature person (now I'm not calling me mature or anything!), but for a different person I guess. I dont' want to give it up, but I really want to move on. To explore more things. So I went to the library with Josh and picked out new books from the adult section. Not the teens section. Though I did look for Twilight. It reminded me of when I was in high school and younger going to the library and picking out tons of books. Books I have never read before, books that weren't necessarily fantasy. It turned out okay then, and so maybe it will now too. I had more trust in books then. I don't now. Adult books deal with adult topics like rape and violence in graphic ways that I don't really want to read or intimately picture in my head.
Did you guys know that I defined myself by my books in high school? They were my life and I loved it and my books. I would carry my books in plastic bags in my schoolbag so that they wouldn't get damaged. I was a nerd but I didn't know it then. I wish I didn't know it now. Vanderbilt opened my eyes, or made me less naive, about the way I am perceived by the world. People no longer say "Lindy, you never care about what others think about you. You just do what you want". I wouldn't even say that about me. That used to be me too.
But now I like that I do take time to put on earings and a necklace and to get an "outfit" together just to go to the grocery store or to school on a Saturday. I like that I take the time to care. I just wish I was always happy with the result. I wish I could put together an outfit that was me, and not what was expected of me. But I'm working on it. It helps I think that I can no longer afford clothes, so I can't even wish I had them. I am forced to do with what I have, and there for I have to like what I have. That's a lot more like high school too. :) I got two new outfits a year, once in the summer and once in the winter. And I would always pick out a shirt that was too low to wear to school. I could never and still can't figure out why my mom would let me buy if she wasn't going to let me wear it any where.
Also. My apartment is too small. How can I explore who I am if I can't even fit in my apartment. I feel that the library books are the straw that broke the camels back. Do you know how many piles of books we have just laying about? At least 4, and half of them are books we own. We can't stack them any higher on the top of the book shelves. The books are in two rows on the book shelves and then there are books stacked on top of them, and there still isn't enough room for them all. Josh and I even went through and picked out ones we don't need any more. And I don't even have all my books down here with me! I still trade them out at home when I go back for new ones. AND I took some books and put them in storage too. Though, really, I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't need less books, I definitely need a bigger apartment!
I am in with and within my books!
The illustrator computer room key is a key that is wired to a plastic jellyfish so that the key is one of its tentacles. The other tentacles get in the way making it extremely difficult to unlock the door.
Kimmy did proof read my thesis. She did a good job of catching a lot of things I definitely would not have. Every time she read the word "we" she asked in parenthesis behind it "who is we?" Which I thought was hilarious! i ask myself that every time I read it and shudder at what Z and Ms. T and Mr. Blake would think if they knew I was using "we". But Calvin...he notices when I try to sneak them out of the paper and makes me put them back. Its very important that I say who did what...which technically "we" doesn't answer that at all. Though I guess in the scientific world and to the 10 people who will ever read this for a scientific reason, will assume "we" is the research group I worked with.
Anyways, Kimmy added a lot of amusing comments and I could tell when she found something absurd and would highlight it. It made me feels tons better about everything to have someone to look at this and point out the funny parts and then laugh with them about it. Even if it was actually alone and across the country. I could still hear her saying the things out loud.
My favorite is that she pointed out that I used the words "in with and within". Hilarious. And that is exactly what I mean...the enclaves were mixed in with the pumice and found within the pumice too! I think for now that's my favorite part of my thesis.
The other night I couldn't sleep because of stress (it was the day I freaked out...Thursday). I think I did sleep but I think my dreams was really me still just thinking. I remember I had all these amazing revelations about life and my life and why things are the way they are. I can't remember them now any more though and I wish I could. The only thing I do remember is that I was incredibly frustrated because all the books I own and have read are for teenage girls. I love them, I read them over and over, and then this last year I read a few of them, and they all lost their magic. The writing isn't at thourough as I would like. I see through it all too easily. I think to that day or the day before I finished a book with one of my all time favorite love scenes/story in it, the one that inspired me to like boys with long blond curly hair, the one where I was in love the guy in the book. I read it, and nothing. It's like waking up one morning and realizing you no longer have any sort of feeling for the person next to you. I also realized that the book was sort of poorly written, and I knew all the parts that were frustrating and why. I no longer can just gloss over them. I was betrayed by a book.
So back to the point of that dream. I think my whole life is like that...all around me I have things from college/high school for a younger less mature person (now I'm not calling me mature or anything!), but for a different person I guess. I dont' want to give it up, but I really want to move on. To explore more things. So I went to the library with Josh and picked out new books from the adult section. Not the teens section. Though I did look for Twilight. It reminded me of when I was in high school and younger going to the library and picking out tons of books. Books I have never read before, books that weren't necessarily fantasy. It turned out okay then, and so maybe it will now too. I had more trust in books then. I don't now. Adult books deal with adult topics like rape and violence in graphic ways that I don't really want to read or intimately picture in my head.
Did you guys know that I defined myself by my books in high school? They were my life and I loved it and my books. I would carry my books in plastic bags in my schoolbag so that they wouldn't get damaged. I was a nerd but I didn't know it then. I wish I didn't know it now. Vanderbilt opened my eyes, or made me less naive, about the way I am perceived by the world. People no longer say "Lindy, you never care about what others think about you. You just do what you want". I wouldn't even say that about me. That used to be me too.
But now I like that I do take time to put on earings and a necklace and to get an "outfit" together just to go to the grocery store or to school on a Saturday. I like that I take the time to care. I just wish I was always happy with the result. I wish I could put together an outfit that was me, and not what was expected of me. But I'm working on it. It helps I think that I can no longer afford clothes, so I can't even wish I had them. I am forced to do with what I have, and there for I have to like what I have. That's a lot more like high school too. :) I got two new outfits a year, once in the summer and once in the winter. And I would always pick out a shirt that was too low to wear to school. I could never and still can't figure out why my mom would let me buy if she wasn't going to let me wear it any where.
Also. My apartment is too small. How can I explore who I am if I can't even fit in my apartment. I feel that the library books are the straw that broke the camels back. Do you know how many piles of books we have just laying about? At least 4, and half of them are books we own. We can't stack them any higher on the top of the book shelves. The books are in two rows on the book shelves and then there are books stacked on top of them, and there still isn't enough room for them all. Josh and I even went through and picked out ones we don't need any more. And I don't even have all my books down here with me! I still trade them out at home when I go back for new ones. AND I took some books and put them in storage too. Though, really, I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't need less books, I definitely need a bigger apartment!
I am in with and within my books!