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[linaix]

Ok. This is starting to suck. I realize people grow apart, but seriously? I just don't care anymore. I was considering just stopping the posting on LJ but ya know, it's my venting spot. Hardly anyone checks it out so I can say almost anything I want here. So on to my actual concerns. (i'm sure I'll feel better after all this is over and done with

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[dani_in_japan]

I replied to all of your texts today. I'm sorry that it took a while, but it was my graduation party today and I had to talk to family and family friends that I have not seen in a very long time. I had to help my family clean and make enough food for more than 60 people.

And you're right. I didn't say anything while you were talking, because you were trying to say how you felt. And I didn't want to say that to me it sounded like you were spending the whole 45 minutes calling me a bitch and Lanz an idiot.

Because I knew that when I did, I would get into the things that you have done to me that I have spent years complaining to Lanz about. I'm glad you think I'm kindhearted and caring, because I really try to be, but a lot of the time, I feel like everything that goes wrong in your life is somehow my fault. I shouldn't have to worry about getting hung up on. For the past few years, I've felt like our conversations have been a few hours of you talking about all the gossip from work and all your problems. I would actually spend entire conversations wondering if you would ever ask how my day was. And you didn't. I really felt for a long time that you didn't care. And I would start to talk about what I did, and get cut off, so I don't know if you noticed that I just started saying that nothing happened. (and this was loooooong before I met any of these people) When I did tell you what I was going to be doing, you'd forget about it anyway. When I did hang out with people, I felt like some kind of bad guy for making plans with other people, even though I always made sure I told you in advance. Usually, you'd go out and maybe text me a few hours later.

And no, I never told you any of this, because anytime you heard something you didn't like, you'd hang up on me. And you were my only friend, really. Why would I want to piss off my only friend so they wouldn't talk to me?

I want things to be the same between us, because I miss talking to you every night. (it is a lot easier to do on the computer though, I'll admit. I'm doing a lot now, including continuously studying - as always - and phone communications are getting harder and harder to concentrate on with so much in the background) You've always been my older sister, and I'll never think differently of you. I hope you'll still see me the same.