Super Agent news.
So, the original super agent that I wanted just replied to my latest query and said she'd love to read the full manuscript. So, I spent the past couple hours re-reading it quickly to make sure it was extra perfect, tweaked some minor things, and sent it off to her. And now.... I'm all jittery. I feel like if she rejects me again, I'll be a huge fat failure. Because this will have been the third manuscript she rejected (fourth, if you count the fact that I queried her once and then resubmitted the same story with revisions). I knew the second story was just a fluff piece that I wrote because my friend wanted it, so I kind of didn't really expect that one to go very far and she was the only agent I sent it to. I just thought I'd throw it out there and see what she thought of it. She preferred the first one, which I totally agree with. But at least the second story was a good writing experiment. I proved to myself that I could write a whole novel in first person.
But now... with RI... It's the sixth novel I've actually completed, with a half a dozen partials floating around my hard drive, and it's the third novel I'm actually querying people with. The first was obviously WoS, followed by D/E, and now RI.
If Super Agent rejects RI and no other agents bite at it, I am going to feel like a huge failure. They always say "Three times a charm," and I'm REALLY hoping that's true this time around.
That being said... I'm already re-working D/E to be completely historical. I thought of a brand new opening for it. So, now I have to roll up my sleeves and finish researching and then string together a new storyline, filling in the gaps from the first version. Since I already have a rough outline of historical points, it shouldn't be too terribly bad. It's just a matter of sitting down and making the story a cohesive plot line with dual points of view.
....
And then it's times like this that I wonder how I could ever quit trying to get published. Even when the fear of getting rejected left and right stares me in the face every time I open my damn email, I turn around and think of a new story or plot point or character or setting or description or WHATEVER. And I think, "I can do this. I"ll show 'en. I can be a published author." Maybe one of these days it'll actually come true. That, I think, would give me the greatest sense of accomplishment.