for starters
Something I'm reluctant to admit is that I first found CollarMe through a comedy forum I read, SomethingAwful. There was a little mention of how it was brimming with lunatics and interesting looking transvestites and for some reason, this captivated me and I registered an account for pure hilarity (and only hilarity. nothing else). So, for a month or so I enjoyed the torrent of strange requests that arrived in my mailbox.
Hidden among these was a gem, looking hardly noticeable until I so cleverly noticed the username; Calm. I opened it and found that it exuded it. Calm... If it could have been alive it would have been oozing and bleeding and vomiting calmness, and being the nervous creature I am, much of my life has been spent in the pursuit of calmness and now it seemed, it found me.
This was how I met my former Master. Upon getting to know him, I learned that he lived in a fairly worthless and unknown part of Minnesota. Miserable. Minnesota. And I also learned he had a submissive, named Dawn, who had strange and chronic health problems, that he was always attending to, and most importantly I learned he had one big rule: Never ever, ever come without permission. Not without asking, because sure you could ask, and he could just as easily say no. Never without explicit permission.
While this may have been a challenge for other women, it certainly was not for me. But I'll explain that in a moment.
Master was someone who played WOW, Dungeons and Dragons, was fast approaching thirty and had honey brown hair to his hips. His habits would have made him irritating, grating on my nerves, but horribly, unfortunately he produced the most alluring calm. I couldn't stand the thought of myself liking him so I told my brain that trying to become his was just an exciting experiment that would obviously, cause hilarious things to happen and that would be my main motive. It would be funny, right?
It really never was funny. However, I was not dissuaded because phone sex was a rewarding and small step I felt comfortable taking. It fulfilled me, talking to him. It slowed me down, it filled me up. It did something indescribably good to me, like creating some kind of block between my logical brain and my body. It was like they just couldn't talk to each other anymore, because they wouldn't even know what to say to each other. And that's to say, I couldn't understand it.
What I mentioned earlier about orgasms is actually a very important quirk that I have. I like to blame my frequent inability to come on my anti-depressants, but honestly. I think it's just me. Its almost never worth the time and effort I put in to orgasm. I've never had anything that has been so heartstoppingly good that I was hooked. I just don't seem to get much of a rush or a release from it. Only a bit of relief that it's over and that whoever was making me do it will probably stop soon. Something that seems to add to this disinterest is that I seem to have trouble staying in the moment; it's like my mind wanders off to imagine a shape I'm seeing in the ceiling because I just can't give a shit about coming.
I played with my master for about a year and then things started to strangely intersect. That was about the time I found Club X.
Now, finally, I'm at the point of this entry. I decided to start seriously looking for playmates because I was finding myself entranced, engrossed in this dimly lit world of naked housewives and bland trance music. I wanted what they had. So I posted an ad on CollarMe. To that ad, I received a triumphant and thunderous response, and many of the mails sounded to me like a key turning in a lock and and it was like I could feel doors opening. Again, everything in front of me was awash with warm colored lights and had such a fine sparkling quality that it enticed me like I was a little magpie.
Hidden among these was a gem, looking hardly noticeable until I so cleverly noticed the username; Calm. I opened it and found that it exuded it. Calm... If it could have been alive it would have been oozing and bleeding and vomiting calmness, and being the nervous creature I am, much of my life has been spent in the pursuit of calmness and now it seemed, it found me.
This was how I met my former Master. Upon getting to know him, I learned that he lived in a fairly worthless and unknown part of Minnesota. Miserable. Minnesota. And I also learned he had a submissive, named Dawn, who had strange and chronic health problems, that he was always attending to, and most importantly I learned he had one big rule: Never ever, ever come without permission. Not without asking, because sure you could ask, and he could just as easily say no. Never without explicit permission.
While this may have been a challenge for other women, it certainly was not for me. But I'll explain that in a moment.
Master was someone who played WOW, Dungeons and Dragons, was fast approaching thirty and had honey brown hair to his hips. His habits would have made him irritating, grating on my nerves, but horribly, unfortunately he produced the most alluring calm. I couldn't stand the thought of myself liking him so I told my brain that trying to become his was just an exciting experiment that would obviously, cause hilarious things to happen and that would be my main motive. It would be funny, right?
It really never was funny. However, I was not dissuaded because phone sex was a rewarding and small step I felt comfortable taking. It fulfilled me, talking to him. It slowed me down, it filled me up. It did something indescribably good to me, like creating some kind of block between my logical brain and my body. It was like they just couldn't talk to each other anymore, because they wouldn't even know what to say to each other. And that's to say, I couldn't understand it.
What I mentioned earlier about orgasms is actually a very important quirk that I have. I like to blame my frequent inability to come on my anti-depressants, but honestly. I think it's just me. Its almost never worth the time and effort I put in to orgasm. I've never had anything that has been so heartstoppingly good that I was hooked. I just don't seem to get much of a rush or a release from it. Only a bit of relief that it's over and that whoever was making me do it will probably stop soon. Something that seems to add to this disinterest is that I seem to have trouble staying in the moment; it's like my mind wanders off to imagine a shape I'm seeing in the ceiling because I just can't give a shit about coming.
I played with my master for about a year and then things started to strangely intersect. That was about the time I found Club X.
Now, finally, I'm at the point of this entry. I decided to start seriously looking for playmates because I was finding myself entranced, engrossed in this dimly lit world of naked housewives and bland trance music. I wanted what they had. So I posted an ad on CollarMe. To that ad, I received a triumphant and thunderous response, and many of the mails sounded to me like a key turning in a lock and and it was like I could feel doors opening. Again, everything in front of me was awash with warm colored lights and had such a fine sparkling quality that it enticed me like I was a little magpie.