ahhh

[limesadness]

I don't care what you think about me. I'm a good friend where it counts.I didn't do anything to you. All this is in your head. No one thinks you're ugly. Maybe you do, but you may have a slightly jaded point of view. I think you want people to think ill thinks of you. I think it will justify how sorry for yourself you are. I simply don't know what

Comments

[alcingragaholic]

-You know what I think about you. I think that you're a friend of mine, even though you don't always show it.
-I don't know your definition of 'where it counts', but I'm guessing you're right about that.
-You didn't do anything to me. Sure. I do it all to myself, it's all in my head. But guess what... it's the only person/a I have that I can reliably talk to. The only voice that gives me insanity and reason at the same time.
-I think I'm ugly for a good reason, too. Jaded as it may be, I tend to believe the proof is in the pudding, and if life was measured in pudding, I'm still not in the oven yet. Whatever all that means.
-I don't want people to think ill of me, but when they don't tell me what they think of me, I have to assume the worst. It's a bad cycle, really.
-I don't feel sorry for myself. I simply hate myself. Subtle yet important difference.
-I already had the female perspective. I was now talking to a friend about my feelings, and just getting it off my chest. Sadly enough, the audience really wasn't all that receptive at the time. I agree, it was my fault, I shouldn't have come. I was stupid, but I was depressed and desperate and wanted someone I could go to talk to in person who didn't have as many problems as I did. You almost always make me feel better when I hang out with you. Regardless of how bad or stupid I feel. My parents are going through a nasty separation/divorce right now, and you still had me laughing. As opposed to the zombie I've been all week.
-Confidence is slow to cultivate. It's just hard to be confident when there's hardly any feedback from the source of confidence. As for respect, well. I've never commanded any respect from anyone, so what's the point of starting now? As a guy who has been pitied all his life, it's hard to expect someone to actually think of me as a peer and respect me.
-AS FOR THE "I'M UGLY, FAT, AND NO ONE LOVES ME" CRAP, IT'S TRUE. You've lived with rejection, but you had people who got you out of it. You've found your confidence and acceptance and self-worth and respect, because someone you loved who loved you back helped you reach there. Guess what? I'm gonna need a very similar experience to be able to believe in myself. I had 1 event that almost had it... and it ended up shoving me further down than I started. You know about it, I've probably told you a million and a half times.
-A nice guy with a lot to offer? Why doesn't anyone take it then? WHY?
-I'm glad to hear I'm your friend. It makes me happy in ways you cannot imagine. Well, you could, you have a good imagination.
-I'll be your friend until you tell me to not be your friend. And then I'll be your friend anyways.
-I was understanding. I understand people don't like talking to others sometimes. I understand that people don't like calling. What I don't understand is why it's the same way when we are hanging out in person at times.
-I have to take things personally... If I don't, I'd be killing myself due to the sheer amounts of apathy I have.

Call me sometime. You know, you don't even have to talk to me. Leave me a message, or even a text message. You have no idea how much of a lift it is to simply hear or see the words, "Hey Z, how are you? Just calling to check up on you. Well, I've got to go to work now, bye." I'd be happy just knowing that someone out there actually thinks and cares about me.

That's how I'll build my confidence, of believing that people might actually like me.

I'm sorry I went off the deep end with those messages. I'm a melodramatic Indian... I bleed cheesy music and melodrama.

Z