[fic] Things change - Reita/Ruki/Reita - 4/?
Title: Things change
Chapters: 4/?
Author: limaccia_san
Genre: angst, romance, fluff
Warnings: none
Rating: PG-13
Band: the GazettE
Pairing: Reita/Ruki/Reita, Mao (Sadie)/Ruki
Disclaimer: Dun own them, blah blah blah..
Synopsis:”He felt simply, masochistically stupid..”
Comments: at the bottom
Ruki spent almost the whole week end vegetating in his apartment.
He’d not believe that it was over. He’d give everything to go back to a month ago, before Reita left and beg him not to leave, that he ‘d deal to be his toy, because this.. being without him.. was far worse than being used.
The conversation they had the previous night felt so definitive.. Reita said that he wanted to fix things but he was positive that it’ll be a torture to start all over again: being rejected, trying to be content with just a friendship.. he was really tired of it all..
When his phone began to ring he simply turned his gaze to stare at it, from his spot on the carpet, a cuddly Koron by his side. He looked at it motionless, wishing it’d just stop to make all that noise.
Luckily it did after several rings and he’d go back to his sulking.
He didn’t know what happened, if he cried himself to exhaustion and felt asleep or he just was very deep in thoughts, anyway there was someone apparently very worried or very angry outside his door who was banging impatiently on the wood, calling his name.
Without even thinking about it, like a robot, he walked to the door and opened it, fixing his dazed eyes on his bassist’s worried face:
“Taka what the hell!!! You made me sick worried, I thought something happened to you”he yelled in his face.
“What?” asked Ruki who hadn’t focused yet.
“Why aren’t you answering to your phones?” Reita asked a bit calmer.
“I.. I was busy” lame excuse.
Reita raised an eyebrow: “Busy at snoring?”
“…”
Ruki’d not help the sad expression on his face and Reita actually looked at him for the first time, worry replacing again his annoyance:
“Are you ok? You look terrible”
Ruki snorted: “Well, that’s much more gentle than Aoi’s choice of words.. what are you doing here anyway” he asked taking few steps inside his home, motioning for the other to enter.
“Oh, right, Takashima invited me over and I called you to ask if you wanted to come, but you didn’t pick up the damn phone, I went into hysterics and rushed here to check if everything was ok.. and it was a good idea cause you don’t look all that fine”
“I’m just tired, and.. I kinda had a bad day” Ruki rubbed his eyes.
Reita hesitated a moment before asking: “Something happened?”
“Oh no, everything is fucking perfect!!” snapped the other.
The bassist flinched at the harsh tone: “…”
Ruki regretted it immediately: “I-I’m sorry, I just didn’t expect you to come here.. again” he tried to apologize.
“I didn’t mean to bother, really I was just worried” Reita said, almost shyly.
Ruki gave a small smile: “It’s ok, I believe you and thanks for the offer, but I don’t feel like going out today”
“You sure? Maybe it’ll make you feel better” tried Reita, with an hopeful smile.
Before Ruki’d think about it, the words felt from his lips: “How could being in the same room with you make me feel any better?”
Reita looked doen, mortified: “Ok, just forget it then”
He turned to leave but Ruki’d hands grabbing his own made him stop.
“Akira, wait.. I-I’m very sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.. I feel like..” he sighed not really sure how to explain how he was truly feeling.
Reita looked at him, his heart cracking a bit in guilt and despair.
This was so fucked up. He wanted nothing more that tell the other how much he missed him and how he wanted them to take a step farther, but he knew Ruki’d not believe him.
He wanted to give the other what he desired the most but he couldn’t.
When he saw fat tears quickly run down Ruki’s cheeks though, he’d not think anymore: “Taka..”
The vocalist chuckled, wiping them away: “Ah, I’m sorry”
He was sure that the thing he was about to do was such a bad idea, but he’d not help himself. He stepped forward and took a wide eyes Ruki in his arms, squeezing him tightly. He closed his eyes, praying that he’d not pull away and Ruki didn’t, probably cause he was way too shocked to do anything.
The vocalist’d feel his own heartbeat in his ears, beating at a mad pace. Something inside his body was screaming to push the other back, but how could he? Despite everything Reita’s hug felt so warm, so reassuring.. he didn’t want to step back, he wanted to bury his nose in the other’s locks and wound his arms around his shoulder and keep him there, close to him. He wanted to cry his heart out to his love, tell him not to leave, to hold him like this as long as he’d, to protect him from all the sorrow he was going through.
He felt more tears running down his face and Reita must have noticed too cause he squeezed him even more. Ruki closed his eyes and smiled bitterly, lifting a hand he buried his fingers in the other’s golden locks. He turned his head to give a kiss on top of them and then, with all the strength left in his body, he pushed the other’s shoulders gently.
Reita really didn’t want to. He just wanted to make the other understand that they were in the same boat, that their feelings were the same now, but he had to step back and look in Ruki’s tears filled eyes. It made his stomach clench painfully again. If he just knew what he could do to make the other understand..
More tears were unconsciously spilled when Reita’s warmth drifted away from his body. He forced a small smile and looked up at him:
“You’d go now, Takashima is waiting for you”
“Taka.. I can’t leave you like this”
He didn’t want to leave, not now, not ever..
“I’ll be fine, I just need time Akira. I’m sorry that you’ve seen me like this.. I was resolute not to show you any weakness” Ruki chuckled “but it’s to late for plays, isn’t it? Beside, I think you’d know that this’s going to be hell for me.. and.. and your gentleness, your sincere care makes everything more difficult. I wish I’d just hate you..”
“Taka..”
Reita went silent when Ruki took a step toward him and cupped his cheek. He smiled a bit and stroked his lips gently with his thumb: “Please, go now..”
---------------------------
Weeks passed from that moment and none of them were feeling any better.
Reita was still trying to find a way to get closer to the other, but he didn’t have a clue how to do it and he didn’t even have all the time in the world, cause if Ruki succeeded in pushing those feelings away for good it’d be even more difficult for him to win him back.
He cursed his stupidity for the nth time.
On the other hand Ruki was doing all he’d not to think about the other. Thing that revealed itself obviously hard. He wanted to avoid him but at the same time he cherished the moments they were together. Reita was really doing his best to make him feel comfortable, he was even gentler than usual and Ruki was just falling even more for him.
He felt simply, masochistically stupid..
---------------------------
“Mastumoto!!”
Ruki froze.
He wasn’t doing anything bad, really, just taking a walk on his own, but the second he heard that voice he knew he was in troubles. He took heart and turned around to face the other:
“… ok, before you say anything I’m sorry! And I’ve very good reasons, I swear!”
“I can’t wait to see you struggle to make up some good excuses to justify that you’re neglecting me again” said Mao crossing his arms.
“Naw don’t be like this, I’ll feel guilty” pouted Ruki.
“That’s exactly what I want you to feel like, this way I’m sure you can’t refuse a cup of coffee” said the other with an evil grin.
Ruki rolled his eyes, amused: “I won’t, but not because you’re morally blackmailing me”
Mao laughed and gave a big hug to the little vocalist: “Man, it’s nice to see you again”
They walked in a coffee shop nearby and ordered something to drink. They chose a place to sit and silently sipped from their cups for few moments.
“So, why don’t you tell me about those good reasons?” asked Mao after a while “And don’t give me that “work has been hell” bullshit”
Ruki chuckled: “You know, I’ve had troubles with a friend and I’m feeling kinda down lately” he half lied.
“Oh but you’d have celled me, you know I’m awesome at distracting you” that cocky smile again.
“You just want to have fun with me” he pouted again.
“Don’t act like you don’t love it” he waved his hand boredly.
“You’re so full of yourself” Ruki laughed “But you’re right, I liked our affair” he added with a solemn nod.
“Why are you talking in the past tense? I was kinda hoping that you’d like to see me again” Mao’s tone was gentle now.
But Ruki sighed: “Mao don’t lose your time with me, I’m sure I can’t give you what you want right now”
“I can wait” he said resolutely, looking straight at him.
Ruki shook his head, smiling bitterly: “No, you don’t, trust me. I’ve been into this and I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did. I like you, really, but if serious feelings are going to be involved, then.. I can’t do this to you”
“Why are you being so dramatic now?” Mao burst out.
“Because I know how it feels like to be rejected and used from the person you love” Ruki replied looking him in the eyes.
Mao looked taken aback for a moment, but he didn’t give up: “But.. if this person disappointed and hurt you so much what’s the problem in going on with your life?”
Ruki hesitated, but then: “I’m still in love with him Mao, how can I just go on?”
“I don’t understand, he made you suffer and you still can’t stop thinking about him?”
“You know, it’s not that simple.. I can’t just say to my heart to stop wishing that he’d come back” he admitted a bit shamefully.
“But this is stupid, you know he won’t come back”
Why did he have to say that out loud?
“I.. I know, I can’t help it though” Ruki looked away, sadness hitting him at full force.
“Have you talked to this person? Are you sure he won’t come back? Or are you sure that there isn’t a possibility that he still feel something for you?” Mao urged on.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about” Ruki’s voice raised a bit, in frustration.
“Ruki, listen, if you don’t want this to finish for good then do something about it, and if there isn’t something to do then go on with you life” he almost ordered.
“You make it sound so simple” sighed the vocalist.
Mao chuckled and gave him the deathblow: “Were you planning to act like a heartbroken teen for the rest of your life? Either talk to this jerk or go out with me”
Notes♪ :
We're getting yo the point! Wooho! And yay for Mao that's helping to unfreeze the situation!
Chapters: 4/?
Author: limaccia_san
Genre: angst, romance, fluff
Warnings: none
Rating: PG-13
Band: the GazettE
Pairing: Reita/Ruki/Reita, Mao (Sadie)/Ruki
Disclaimer: Dun own them, blah blah blah..
Synopsis:”He felt simply, masochistically stupid..”
Comments: at the bottom
Ruki spent almost the whole week end vegetating in his apartment.
He’d not believe that it was over. He’d give everything to go back to a month ago, before Reita left and beg him not to leave, that he ‘d deal to be his toy, because this.. being without him.. was far worse than being used.
The conversation they had the previous night felt so definitive.. Reita said that he wanted to fix things but he was positive that it’ll be a torture to start all over again: being rejected, trying to be content with just a friendship.. he was really tired of it all..
When his phone began to ring he simply turned his gaze to stare at it, from his spot on the carpet, a cuddly Koron by his side. He looked at it motionless, wishing it’d just stop to make all that noise.
Luckily it did after several rings and he’d go back to his sulking.
He didn’t know what happened, if he cried himself to exhaustion and felt asleep or he just was very deep in thoughts, anyway there was someone apparently very worried or very angry outside his door who was banging impatiently on the wood, calling his name.
Without even thinking about it, like a robot, he walked to the door and opened it, fixing his dazed eyes on his bassist’s worried face:
“Taka what the hell!!! You made me sick worried, I thought something happened to you”he yelled in his face.
“What?” asked Ruki who hadn’t focused yet.
“Why aren’t you answering to your phones?” Reita asked a bit calmer.
“I.. I was busy” lame excuse.
Reita raised an eyebrow: “Busy at snoring?”
“…”
Ruki’d not help the sad expression on his face and Reita actually looked at him for the first time, worry replacing again his annoyance:
“Are you ok? You look terrible”
Ruki snorted: “Well, that’s much more gentle than Aoi’s choice of words.. what are you doing here anyway” he asked taking few steps inside his home, motioning for the other to enter.
“Oh, right, Takashima invited me over and I called you to ask if you wanted to come, but you didn’t pick up the damn phone, I went into hysterics and rushed here to check if everything was ok.. and it was a good idea cause you don’t look all that fine”
“I’m just tired, and.. I kinda had a bad day” Ruki rubbed his eyes.
Reita hesitated a moment before asking: “Something happened?”
“Oh no, everything is fucking perfect!!” snapped the other.
The bassist flinched at the harsh tone: “…”
Ruki regretted it immediately: “I-I’m sorry, I just didn’t expect you to come here.. again” he tried to apologize.
“I didn’t mean to bother, really I was just worried” Reita said, almost shyly.
Ruki gave a small smile: “It’s ok, I believe you and thanks for the offer, but I don’t feel like going out today”
“You sure? Maybe it’ll make you feel better” tried Reita, with an hopeful smile.
Before Ruki’d think about it, the words felt from his lips: “How could being in the same room with you make me feel any better?”
Reita looked doen, mortified: “Ok, just forget it then”
He turned to leave but Ruki’d hands grabbing his own made him stop.
“Akira, wait.. I-I’m very sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.. I feel like..” he sighed not really sure how to explain how he was truly feeling.
Reita looked at him, his heart cracking a bit in guilt and despair.
This was so fucked up. He wanted nothing more that tell the other how much he missed him and how he wanted them to take a step farther, but he knew Ruki’d not believe him.
He wanted to give the other what he desired the most but he couldn’t.
When he saw fat tears quickly run down Ruki’s cheeks though, he’d not think anymore: “Taka..”
The vocalist chuckled, wiping them away: “Ah, I’m sorry”
He was sure that the thing he was about to do was such a bad idea, but he’d not help himself. He stepped forward and took a wide eyes Ruki in his arms, squeezing him tightly. He closed his eyes, praying that he’d not pull away and Ruki didn’t, probably cause he was way too shocked to do anything.
The vocalist’d feel his own heartbeat in his ears, beating at a mad pace. Something inside his body was screaming to push the other back, but how could he? Despite everything Reita’s hug felt so warm, so reassuring.. he didn’t want to step back, he wanted to bury his nose in the other’s locks and wound his arms around his shoulder and keep him there, close to him. He wanted to cry his heart out to his love, tell him not to leave, to hold him like this as long as he’d, to protect him from all the sorrow he was going through.
He felt more tears running down his face and Reita must have noticed too cause he squeezed him even more. Ruki closed his eyes and smiled bitterly, lifting a hand he buried his fingers in the other’s golden locks. He turned his head to give a kiss on top of them and then, with all the strength left in his body, he pushed the other’s shoulders gently.
Reita really didn’t want to. He just wanted to make the other understand that they were in the same boat, that their feelings were the same now, but he had to step back and look in Ruki’s tears filled eyes. It made his stomach clench painfully again. If he just knew what he could do to make the other understand..
More tears were unconsciously spilled when Reita’s warmth drifted away from his body. He forced a small smile and looked up at him:
“You’d go now, Takashima is waiting for you”
“Taka.. I can’t leave you like this”
He didn’t want to leave, not now, not ever..
“I’ll be fine, I just need time Akira. I’m sorry that you’ve seen me like this.. I was resolute not to show you any weakness” Ruki chuckled “but it’s to late for plays, isn’t it? Beside, I think you’d know that this’s going to be hell for me.. and.. and your gentleness, your sincere care makes everything more difficult. I wish I’d just hate you..”
“Taka..”
Reita went silent when Ruki took a step toward him and cupped his cheek. He smiled a bit and stroked his lips gently with his thumb: “Please, go now..”
---------------------------
Weeks passed from that moment and none of them were feeling any better.
Reita was still trying to find a way to get closer to the other, but he didn’t have a clue how to do it and he didn’t even have all the time in the world, cause if Ruki succeeded in pushing those feelings away for good it’d be even more difficult for him to win him back.
He cursed his stupidity for the nth time.
On the other hand Ruki was doing all he’d not to think about the other. Thing that revealed itself obviously hard. He wanted to avoid him but at the same time he cherished the moments they were together. Reita was really doing his best to make him feel comfortable, he was even gentler than usual and Ruki was just falling even more for him.
He felt simply, masochistically stupid..
---------------------------
“Mastumoto!!”
Ruki froze.
He wasn’t doing anything bad, really, just taking a walk on his own, but the second he heard that voice he knew he was in troubles. He took heart and turned around to face the other:
“… ok, before you say anything I’m sorry! And I’ve very good reasons, I swear!”
“I can’t wait to see you struggle to make up some good excuses to justify that you’re neglecting me again” said Mao crossing his arms.
“Naw don’t be like this, I’ll feel guilty” pouted Ruki.
“That’s exactly what I want you to feel like, this way I’m sure you can’t refuse a cup of coffee” said the other with an evil grin.
Ruki rolled his eyes, amused: “I won’t, but not because you’re morally blackmailing me”
Mao laughed and gave a big hug to the little vocalist: “Man, it’s nice to see you again”
They walked in a coffee shop nearby and ordered something to drink. They chose a place to sit and silently sipped from their cups for few moments.
“So, why don’t you tell me about those good reasons?” asked Mao after a while “And don’t give me that “work has been hell” bullshit”
Ruki chuckled: “You know, I’ve had troubles with a friend and I’m feeling kinda down lately” he half lied.
“Oh but you’d have celled me, you know I’m awesome at distracting you” that cocky smile again.
“You just want to have fun with me” he pouted again.
“Don’t act like you don’t love it” he waved his hand boredly.
“You’re so full of yourself” Ruki laughed “But you’re right, I liked our affair” he added with a solemn nod.
“Why are you talking in the past tense? I was kinda hoping that you’d like to see me again” Mao’s tone was gentle now.
But Ruki sighed: “Mao don’t lose your time with me, I’m sure I can’t give you what you want right now”
“I can wait” he said resolutely, looking straight at him.
Ruki shook his head, smiling bitterly: “No, you don’t, trust me. I’ve been into this and I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did. I like you, really, but if serious feelings are going to be involved, then.. I can’t do this to you”
“Why are you being so dramatic now?” Mao burst out.
“Because I know how it feels like to be rejected and used from the person you love” Ruki replied looking him in the eyes.
Mao looked taken aback for a moment, but he didn’t give up: “But.. if this person disappointed and hurt you so much what’s the problem in going on with your life?”
Ruki hesitated, but then: “I’m still in love with him Mao, how can I just go on?”
“I don’t understand, he made you suffer and you still can’t stop thinking about him?”
“You know, it’s not that simple.. I can’t just say to my heart to stop wishing that he’d come back” he admitted a bit shamefully.
“But this is stupid, you know he won’t come back”
Why did he have to say that out loud?
“I.. I know, I can’t help it though” Ruki looked away, sadness hitting him at full force.
“Have you talked to this person? Are you sure he won’t come back? Or are you sure that there isn’t a possibility that he still feel something for you?” Mao urged on.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about” Ruki’s voice raised a bit, in frustration.
“Ruki, listen, if you don’t want this to finish for good then do something about it, and if there isn’t something to do then go on with you life” he almost ordered.
“You make it sound so simple” sighed the vocalist.
Mao chuckled and gave him the deathblow: “Were you planning to act like a heartbroken teen for the rest of your life? Either talk to this jerk or go out with me”
Notes♪ :
We're getting yo the point! Wooho! And yay for Mao that's helping to unfreeze the situation!