.
Was doing the dishes before and I caught my fingers under the hot water. Then I basically screamed at the top of my lungs and swore - a way over the top response. And I wasn‘t even annoyed just before I did it. Left the job half finished and went to hide in my room because I kind-of just had a meltdown. I‘m so sore right now,and I loathe taking pills, but I‘d been having then all the week because I hurt my neck... as I lied down. So strenuous. That‘s better, but now my back‘s acting up for some reason and I can‘t eat because my stomach hurts. Not that I‘ve been eating much anyway.
Made a complete fool of myself in front of Hamish‘s parents just because I‘m a shy twit, then had one creep of a cab driver, and the courteousy bus driver on the way home was borderline creep - quite nice all the same. Work‘s been great, and I work again tonight, which is good otherwise that would be another thing to hate. Christmas presents, birthday presents, unpacking, getting around town, studying, hating myself beause of my spectacular performance in Chemistry (so I‘m taking an external supplementary test soon for it - $180. I threw out most of what I own leaving college ans still had 6 bags of shit that hasn‘t been unpacked. I‘ve been home two weeks and I‘ve never used “the f word“ more times in my life. Or ever, really. Father‘s a selfish dick and Mum‘s tempermental swinging from happy to intensely annoyed at the drop if a hat has me on tenderhooks. I‘ve ben using a lot of colloquialisms and expressions as well, much to my chagrin.
Can‘t study until I go buy more internet, which is INSANWLY expensive for a connection that takes 20 minutes to load one page and is used up in a week, but my father won‘t hear the word “internet“ without a ten minute screaming match.
I don‘t want to talk to him, I don‘t want to be here, I don‘t want to talk to my mother unless strictly necessary, and I don‘t want the nest of baby huntsman spiders that apparently hatched last night in Mum‘s room to get into my room. Or leave her room. I‘m not scared of spiders; I find it intensely interesting just watching them, but I don‘t want however many hundred little ones there are now making a nest under my bedhead!
God, I‘ve been such a bitch to everyone the past two months,and being home “resting“ has made it worse rather than better. I just want a real holiday where I‘m not anywhere near my family. Then maybe I could be happy again instead in constant bitch mode. I hate it, and I wish I could be nicer but the slightest sound from my father sets me off so.much I.just have to leave the house. Soon I‘ll manage to walk back to Brisbane from being outside so much.