Comments | lilyjames_fest: Games2011 ♥ FIC: Here Comes The Sun [PG-13+]

lilyjames_mod in lilyjames_fest

Games2011 ♥ FIC: Here Comes The Sun [PG-13+]

May 23, 2011 19:25

Title: Here Comes the Sun
Author: firstbreaths
Team: DOE
Rating: PG13+
Wordcount: ~5800
Warnings: Minor coarse language
Prompt: Quidditch
Summary: You’ve always imagined your relationship with Lily Evans to be rather like Quidditch
Author's Note: A big thanks to the mods for running such a fantastic fest - I can’t wait to see all the fabulous fic and artwork ( Read more... )

!2011 fic, !2011, submission: fic

Comments 29

liebedance May 23 2011, 14:14:35 UTC

What I liked best about this piece was how brilliantly and uniquely you used the prompt. You really wove Quidditch and James' love for Lily together in a way I would have never expected. The repetitive nature of this piece was good, not redundant. You managed to keep the theme going the entire time without it getting boring or dull. So excellent work with that! I also really like how you brought the whole fest's theme of seasons together in this fic to show the passage of time. Seasons really played a secondary gravitational role for the plot to spin around. Which I really liked.

Good job :)

firstbreaths July 2 2011, 03:58:36 UTC

Thanks so much for commenting. ♥

Honestly, when I came up with the concept, I didn't think I'd reach the 2000 word minimum, let alone be able to draw the prompt out this far. So I'm glad it didn't get at all boring for you.

zia_montrose May 23 2011, 15:53:23 UTC

I really enjoyed this from the first paragraph on. I liked the way there was vulnerability on both sides and a very realistic, angsty progression, complete with little bits of fumbling, like Lily's eyes raking up his Quidditch robes and James's embarrassment over the not-so-perfect posters. I also thoroughly enjoyed your Quidditch descriptions, even the little ones: the way the Quaffle is slick in James’ hands and I liked this line, among others: he’s found an equal, someone who appreciates him not because he makes them laugh by being brasher, more spontaneous than they dare but because his own jokes fit neatly alongside theirs, each one balancing out the other. That's essential Lily/James to me. : )

Great job! And great use of your prompt!

firstbreaths July 2 2011, 04:00:20 UTC

Thank you! I felt like such a cheater picking a prompt that was essentially just the one word (and a word that left me with about ten different plotbunnies before I settled on this one), so I'm glad that you enjoyed it! ♥

Also, your icon is adorable. I'm sitting here all "addkshdkfsdjkfjghs" right now.

ichthyes May 23 2011, 20:07:45 UTC

I really enjoyed this fic. The writing style is interesting because it's not heavy on dialog, and in place is much more descriptive of James' inner thoughts, and of actions/ events. It's something I don't think very common among J/L fic (that I know of) so it was a nice bit of something new. I thought the story tied in with the theme very well because James' thoughts were tightly woven around how Lily reminds him of Quidditch... which makes a lot of sense for James, haha. So good job! And as another has said above, some lines in here were very striking! Oddly enough I think I loved most that you had James' thoughts stray to the fact that the heroic Quidditch banners constructed in his likeness showed off a bit of acne. It may seem trivial but it just stands out as a nice reminder that James, like everyone else, is not perfect. More than that, that he gets embarrassed when people are invited to notice the imperfections on his face... which, in all likelihood, no one probably noticed ( ... )

firstbreaths July 2 2011, 04:02:00 UTC

Thank you! ♥

Dialogue is kind of my writing weakness, so I'm glad it worked for you despite the lack of it. (It's become kind of a thing for my characters to tell an entire novel in their head in the space of one scene, these days).

Also, yes to the posters still being sexy. <3333 It's James, how could they not be?

missgoalie75 May 23 2011, 20:30:40 UTC

This was gorgeous. I loved how the theme of the prompt was so effortlessly weaved in; it didn't feel forced at all.

Amazing <3

firstbreaths July 2 2011, 03:57:31 UTC

Thank you. <3

(Also, true story: I went to check which fic was yours, and was pretty much all "I can totally tell that she wrote this, it just sounds like her". And then smiled when I saw that I requested more seeing as that's generally what I do every time you write fic).

missgoalie75 July 2 2011, 04:02:37 UTC

(I DID THE SAME THING WITH YOURS!! This fic was one of my favorites of the fest <333)

museme87 May 23 2011, 21:32:01 UTC

So I love the way that you've incorporated what could have been a really simple prompt into a complex, moving fic. Really, you made each passage fresh, while still keeping it centered on Quidditch, which is not an easy task to accomplish ( ... )

firstbreaths July 2 2011, 04:08:33 UTC

Thank you so much! ♥

I think one of the reasons I was drawn to the prompt is because everyone's done it except me, so I wanted to play around with it and see if I could put my own spin on the prompt, which this fest gave me the perfect opportunity to do! As for James and the acne (something which I'm amazed that everyone is commenting on), I do sort of think that the James we see in canon is almost too perfect because of the bias of the characters we see him through (Sirius/Remus/Harry/Dumbledore), so I love the idea of him not being perfect, but still damn attractive because of it.