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well i guess sometimes things just don't work out the way we planned. Zach and i met up this weekend in Rutland to finally have our "talk" and basically he decided it wasn't worth trying a relationship anymore. so for all intents and purposes he "broke up" with me. i actually took it surprisingly well, i think i mentally prepared myself for it even though i was hoping it wouldn't happen. i felt a little twinge in my heart and my sunny disposition went straight to 50 below zero, but i didn't cry. heck i didn't say much of anything. i sat there staring straight ahead while he sat next to me talking to my right ear. after he had his say i told him that i don't deal well with breakups and my opinion is that if you don't want to be with me then i don't want to be around you. if you hurt me i have no reason to want to be with you. so i told him that other than Sam's birthday party this Friday i will probably never talk to him again. plain and simple. and it sounds harsh and granted who knows, in a year or so i could very well get over it and move on and be civil with him again, but right now i want nothing to do with him. my way of healing is to remove that which is causing me pain, and having him around being my "friend" right now is not conducive to my healing process. and he said he didn't like or understand why i had to be that way but if i needed it than so be it. and with that i left. got up and walked away. didn't say goodbye, just made a beeline for my car and went home. there were a few times i felt the tears well up a little but i held them back. no use crying over something you can't change.
so now i'm still stinging a little but i took his number off my phone and i'm tempted to remove his screen name of my AIM. at least for now. i need to not think about him. although once he starts work up at Farm & Wilderness i may not be able to avoid talking to him if he calls in on their paging line to have someone paged. that's how they keep in touch up there. since it's a hippy camp and they have no electricity... yet they carry pagers... yeah. but i can easily pretend i don't know him. and with any luck he won't recognize my voice. we'll see.
in other news i have some serious digestive problems going on. my mom mentioned to me that it could be h-pylori which is a bacteria that makes your stomach very acidic and can cause ulcers. i've had wicked indigestion lately and it's been getting worse, everything i eat either makes me feel bloated, gives me indigestion or makes me nauseous. so i think i need to get tested and get on some anti-biotics STAT before i do develop something worse like an ulcer, and that's the LAST thing i need right now. i have enough digestive problems as it is thanks to genetics, i don't need to have a chunk of stomach lining missing and not eat real food for a week... that's just not fun. so we'll have to see about getting in to see my doc tomorrow, although she's harder to get an appointment with than any doctor i've ever known. it's quite irritating actually. the office does open appointments. so basically i have to be waiting by the phone until 8am when i can dial their number as fast as i can and hope i get through ASAP to get the first available opening. although sometimes even that's pointless. when i had my UTI i called at 5 afer 8 and everything was booked until 3pm. that's how fast they fill up, and i didn't even get to see my own doctor. although seeing Dr. Barrett was a hell of a lot quicker than waiting an hour for Dr. Wulfmann to finally show up, say three words, then leave. she's honestly not the greatest doctor in the world, but i'd rather have a female doc during that one appointment that all women hate, and in order to do that you kinda have to be her patient. so i suffer the consequences of a doctor that really only sees numbers and not people... fun.
but enough bitching, if i'm going to be up at the ass crack of dawn i need to get sleep. i highly doubt i'll be seeing my doc tomorrow, but i can't predict the future. so we'll have to see.
night all
*A*
so now i'm still stinging a little but i took his number off my phone and i'm tempted to remove his screen name of my AIM. at least for now. i need to not think about him. although once he starts work up at Farm & Wilderness i may not be able to avoid talking to him if he calls in on their paging line to have someone paged. that's how they keep in touch up there. since it's a hippy camp and they have no electricity... yet they carry pagers... yeah. but i can easily pretend i don't know him. and with any luck he won't recognize my voice. we'll see.
in other news i have some serious digestive problems going on. my mom mentioned to me that it could be h-pylori which is a bacteria that makes your stomach very acidic and can cause ulcers. i've had wicked indigestion lately and it's been getting worse, everything i eat either makes me feel bloated, gives me indigestion or makes me nauseous. so i think i need to get tested and get on some anti-biotics STAT before i do develop something worse like an ulcer, and that's the LAST thing i need right now. i have enough digestive problems as it is thanks to genetics, i don't need to have a chunk of stomach lining missing and not eat real food for a week... that's just not fun. so we'll have to see about getting in to see my doc tomorrow, although she's harder to get an appointment with than any doctor i've ever known. it's quite irritating actually. the office does open appointments. so basically i have to be waiting by the phone until 8am when i can dial their number as fast as i can and hope i get through ASAP to get the first available opening. although sometimes even that's pointless. when i had my UTI i called at 5 afer 8 and everything was booked until 3pm. that's how fast they fill up, and i didn't even get to see my own doctor. although seeing Dr. Barrett was a hell of a lot quicker than waiting an hour for Dr. Wulfmann to finally show up, say three words, then leave. she's honestly not the greatest doctor in the world, but i'd rather have a female doc during that one appointment that all women hate, and in order to do that you kinda have to be her patient. so i suffer the consequences of a doctor that really only sees numbers and not people... fun.
but enough bitching, if i'm going to be up at the ass crack of dawn i need to get sleep. i highly doubt i'll be seeing my doc tomorrow, but i can't predict the future. so we'll have to see.
night all
*A*