its just like birthdays...
i've been hanging around the Canadian Brass website and it gives me warm fuzzy feelings deep inside. They still have a recording of "Galliard Battaglia" and "Wendet Euch Um Ihr Aderlein" by Samuel Scheidt. It gives me warm feelings reminding me of when I played this back 5 years ago during my freshman year at CPP and how much effort I put into it. It makes me wish they had a recording of all the other Samuel Scheidt pieces that i've played before. Ah well I can't win them all... this just gives me warm feelings. I must be a music retard. -_-;
I spent earlier this afternoon at the Dickens Faire with neku_niku and her family, and SO. It was a lot of fun! I got my frosted almonds... and boy did that taste good. I realized it was the first Dickens Faire that i've been to that I'm able to actually drink! haha. I had some hot spiced mead there... and wow did it do the trick for me. In the end... I went off searching for Lodema's Pottery and spent a good hour or so over at Lodema's Pottery shop debating on buying my own mug. Instead I was approached by one of the lady's who worked there and I asked if I could get custom mugs. So in the end I spent a good hour talking to Lodema, telling her the size and shape of the mug that i'd like to get, that I wanted it made with sandstone clay and this intricate design of flowers on it. I'm sure its going to be beautiful. I trust that she knows what she's doing. The only unfortunate thing is that apparently i was number 41 on the custom order list and she told me that she wouldn't have it ready until Feb. I told her that it was fine... and she's even going to inscribe my name on it as an xmas gift. I'm excited... I had bought mugs from her 2 years ago and I LOVE IT. They're my parents mugs... and even I myself had fallen in love with them. heh. I look foreward to it.
Besides Dickens Faire festivities... the past hour or so I've been feeling down and depressed. I think that sour holiday mood is finally hitting again. Christmas time... feels similar to that birthday time. It's something I don't look forward too mainly because of all the negative/depressive animosity that are attached to this holiday. I vividly remember the one year that my house almost burned down... I was still dating Ian back in the days. I can't even recall the number of times there was some sort of yelling, hating, arguing, bickering and I'm caught in the middle without any escape what so ever. Sometimes it's no wonder that i've turned out to be such a fucked up person in the head.
How many years have I lived being constantly reminded that my father is a bastard... and that my grandmother is a saint. A major reason all together why I left my religion. I really hate the things that are said between my families... for once I wish people were kind to each other. To forgive, to forget... to move on. To progress in life and yet people are so caught up with the past and over such small trivial things that make me want to shut my life all together, pack my bags and move somewhere else.
It happens ever year... the weeks upon end of my grandmother telling me that my father is a bad person (because she hates his guts). My uncles birthday dinner. He's such a bastard really... he does things that I think are complete innapropriate and he considers himself to be a 'good son' to my grandmother.
The Christmas Eve dinner at my uncles house. Still after all these years i'm quite sure no one else but my immediate family can actually spell my name correctly (when writing on gift labels, cards, etc). The dinner is one thing... something I don't mind. But then comes the complaints about the food, the complaints about them money, and other hypocritical issues my uncle tends to bring up. it just causes more arguments over things that really shouldn't even be discussed the night before christmas. then there is christmas day... my grandmother refuses to go to 'church' with us. my grandmother refuses to open christmas presents if my dad is anywhere near her... and goes on reminding us constantly he's a bastard. all of this negativity that my grandmother causes... only causes my dad to become depressed, angry, frustrated which in the end causes me to feel like shit because no one is fucking 'happy'
i was sitting on the couch at my parent's friends place this evening (they invited us to dinner) and I thought to myself... what will life be like down the road a few years from now. out in a home to call my own... out to start my life fresh all over again. the taste of freedom from the shackles that hold me down. a little step day by day and i'm almost there. i've made it this far emotionally. i hope i can keep it up. if i don't write tomorrow I hope everyone has a Happy Christmas!
I spent earlier this afternoon at the Dickens Faire with neku_niku and her family, and SO. It was a lot of fun! I got my frosted almonds... and boy did that taste good. I realized it was the first Dickens Faire that i've been to that I'm able to actually drink! haha. I had some hot spiced mead there... and wow did it do the trick for me. In the end... I went off searching for Lodema's Pottery and spent a good hour or so over at Lodema's Pottery shop debating on buying my own mug. Instead I was approached by one of the lady's who worked there and I asked if I could get custom mugs. So in the end I spent a good hour talking to Lodema, telling her the size and shape of the mug that i'd like to get, that I wanted it made with sandstone clay and this intricate design of flowers on it. I'm sure its going to be beautiful. I trust that she knows what she's doing. The only unfortunate thing is that apparently i was number 41 on the custom order list and she told me that she wouldn't have it ready until Feb. I told her that it was fine... and she's even going to inscribe my name on it as an xmas gift. I'm excited... I had bought mugs from her 2 years ago and I LOVE IT. They're my parents mugs... and even I myself had fallen in love with them. heh. I look foreward to it.
Besides Dickens Faire festivities... the past hour or so I've been feeling down and depressed. I think that sour holiday mood is finally hitting again. Christmas time... feels similar to that birthday time. It's something I don't look forward too mainly because of all the negative/depressive animosity that are attached to this holiday. I vividly remember the one year that my house almost burned down... I was still dating Ian back in the days. I can't even recall the number of times there was some sort of yelling, hating, arguing, bickering and I'm caught in the middle without any escape what so ever. Sometimes it's no wonder that i've turned out to be such a fucked up person in the head.
How many years have I lived being constantly reminded that my father is a bastard... and that my grandmother is a saint. A major reason all together why I left my religion. I really hate the things that are said between my families... for once I wish people were kind to each other. To forgive, to forget... to move on. To progress in life and yet people are so caught up with the past and over such small trivial things that make me want to shut my life all together, pack my bags and move somewhere else.
It happens ever year... the weeks upon end of my grandmother telling me that my father is a bad person (because she hates his guts). My uncles birthday dinner. He's such a bastard really... he does things that I think are complete innapropriate and he considers himself to be a 'good son' to my grandmother.
The Christmas Eve dinner at my uncles house. Still after all these years i'm quite sure no one else but my immediate family can actually spell my name correctly (when writing on gift labels, cards, etc). The dinner is one thing... something I don't mind. But then comes the complaints about the food, the complaints about them money, and other hypocritical issues my uncle tends to bring up. it just causes more arguments over things that really shouldn't even be discussed the night before christmas. then there is christmas day... my grandmother refuses to go to 'church' with us. my grandmother refuses to open christmas presents if my dad is anywhere near her... and goes on reminding us constantly he's a bastard. all of this negativity that my grandmother causes... only causes my dad to become depressed, angry, frustrated which in the end causes me to feel like shit because no one is fucking 'happy'
i was sitting on the couch at my parent's friends place this evening (they invited us to dinner) and I thought to myself... what will life be like down the road a few years from now. out in a home to call my own... out to start my life fresh all over again. the taste of freedom from the shackles that hold me down. a little step day by day and i'm almost there. i've made it this far emotionally. i hope i can keep it up. if i don't write tomorrow I hope everyone has a Happy Christmas!