Jan 09, 2005 10:01
Wow its been WAY too long since i have updated! So much has happened! Where should i start?
Well my life is great! I am still with Doug! its been almost 3 months! We have had so many good times!
We have done alot and everytime i am with him i never wnat to leave. I love him so much! He is the hottest guy i know! ok i take that back...he is the hottest guy i have ever seen! not only that but he is so sweet! he is the perfect boyfriend! I could not ask for anything more from him! He has everything that i could ever want. I know we are going to do really well! I am so happy with him! I dont know what i would do without him! We are so open with eachother! haha...so many good times! haha....wow....How can i only be 16 ut be so serious about someone. Everyone thought that Lee and I were going to get married....but he got over me. He has moved on....and i am really happy....it let me find Doug. I dont know what i would do without Doug. I was not doing very well this summer. I was extremely sick. I was getting sick about 4 or 5 times a day. Yea, it was not good. i lost alot of weight in 2 months. But my mom found out and i have been going to the doctor and counseling ever since. I am on so many medicines. I had my stomach and my esophogus rupture and i was coughing up blood and stuff for a few days. It was so scary. But now everytime someone pokes my stomache or touches between my ribs....i want to cry. It hurts so bad. it feels like someone is stabbing me with a knife. I know i needed to stop...so i have been trying so damn hard....but how do i stop? i dont know HOW!? i wish i could just not dissapoint everyone.....i want to make everyone happy but i dont know how....ahh....Jenni and i were not talking for about a few days or maybe a week or so. I was so stupid. I was mad at her for some stuff she said about Doug. Why did i do that? I hate myself for it. She is such an amazing person! She does not deserve the crap that i put her through. i was so bitchy and rude to her. i hate myself. I feel like everything that she is going through right now is my fault. I know she says its not but i wish that there was something i could do about it. i want to help her. and i want everything for her to be perfect. i know that it wont...but i wish i could do something. I want to just take her awway and just be us. i want her to be happy. i want to see her be completely worry free. I love her so much. I hate myself when i look at her when she is upset because i feel like i should be doing something....ugh....i love jenni so much.....i just wish she knew everything i wish i could do for her...
Well im headed off to work...even though i dont have a car....