(no subject)
ok so its been a while. so here goes nothing.
i dont want to be done with you. but i have to. because for once i need to look out for myself. and i cant make you be who i want you to be. ok well i can but i dont want to. i want you to be mr perfect without me having to tell you what to do or what to say. i want to be able to trust you. but i cant. and that is a deal breaker. im sorry.
i need to stop thinking about the future. i thought i had it all figured out. but i obviously didnt. maybe i dont need to figure it out. i need to find someone who makes me happy now. and stop putting up with shit because i think itll make me happy later on. because you know what- we arent guaranteed a "later on".
im such a different person than i was a year ago. less innocent, less naive. a lot more cynical. i miss the hopeless romantic i used to be. but im not her anymore. im not ready for another relationship yet. and most likely wont be for quite some time. i wonder how im supposed to know if im ready. maybe its when i stop being so darn cynical. like when i can watch chick flicks and cry and say awww. but last night i watched garden state and instead of loving it like everyone else does, i was like wtf that was retarded.
i need to study for finals. i need to try harder in school. i feel like i dont always fulfill my potential. but then i wouldnt have a life. oh wait...i dont have one anyways. oh well. thats just how it goes.
i dont want to be done with you. but i have to. because for once i need to look out for myself. and i cant make you be who i want you to be. ok well i can but i dont want to. i want you to be mr perfect without me having to tell you what to do or what to say. i want to be able to trust you. but i cant. and that is a deal breaker. im sorry.
i need to stop thinking about the future. i thought i had it all figured out. but i obviously didnt. maybe i dont need to figure it out. i need to find someone who makes me happy now. and stop putting up with shit because i think itll make me happy later on. because you know what- we arent guaranteed a "later on".
im such a different person than i was a year ago. less innocent, less naive. a lot more cynical. i miss the hopeless romantic i used to be. but im not her anymore. im not ready for another relationship yet. and most likely wont be for quite some time. i wonder how im supposed to know if im ready. maybe its when i stop being so darn cynical. like when i can watch chick flicks and cry and say awww. but last night i watched garden state and instead of loving it like everyone else does, i was like wtf that was retarded.
i need to study for finals. i need to try harder in school. i feel like i dont always fulfill my potential. but then i wouldnt have a life. oh wait...i dont have one anyways. oh well. thats just how it goes.