How did she know?
my friend miranda has the weirdest timing....
A Forwarded Email (that happens to really describe how I've been feeling...creeeeepy)
In the beginning, I was one person, knowing nothing but my own experience. Then I was told things, and I became two people: the little girl who said how terrible it was that the boys had a fire going in the lot next door where they were roasting apples (which was what the women said) ~ and the little girl who, when the boys were called by their mothers to go to the store, ran out and tended the fire and the apples because she loved doing it.
So then there was two of I. One I always doing something that the other I disapproved of. Or other I said was I disapproved of. All this argument in me so much.
In the beginning was I, and I was good.
Then came in outside authority. This was confusing. And then other I became very confused because there was so many different outside authorities.
Sit nicely. Leave the room to blow your nose. Don’t do that, that’s silly. Why, the poor child doesn’t even know how to pick a bone! Flush the toilet at night because if you don’t it makes it harder to clean. Don’t flush the toilet at night, you wake people up! Always be nice to people. Even if you don’t like them, you mustn’t hurt there feelings. Be frank and honest. If you don’t tell people what you think of them, that’s cowardly. Butter knives. It is important to use butter knives. Butter knives? What foolishness! Speak nicely. Sissy! Kipling is wonderful! Ugh! Kipling (turning away).
The most important thing is to have a career. The most important thing is to get married. The hell with everyone. Be nice to everyone. The most important thing is sex. The most important thing is to have everyone like you. The most important thing is to be sophisticated and say what you don’t mean and don’t let anyone know what you feel. The most important thing is a black seal coat and china and silver. The most important thing is to be clean. The most important thing is to always pay your debts. The most important thing is to not be taken in by anyone else. The most important thing is to love your parents. The most important thing is to be independent. The most important things is to speak correct English. The most important things is to go to the right plays and read the right books. The most important thing is to do what others say- and others say all these things.
All the time, I is saying, Live with life. That is Important.
But when I lives with life, other I says no, that’s bad. All the different other I’s say this. It’s dangerous. It isn’t practical. You’ll come to a bad end. Of course…everyone felt that way once, the way you do, but you’ll learn.
Out of all the other I’s some are chosen as a pattern that is me. But there are all the other possibilities of patterns within what all the others say which come into me and become other I which is not myself, and sometimes these take over then who am I?
I does not bother about who am I. I is, and is happy being, other I says get to work, do something worth while! I is happy doing dishes “you’re weird!” I is happy being with people saying nothing. Other I says talk. Talk, talk, talk. I gets lost.
I knows that things are to be played with, not possessed. I likes putting things together, lightly. Taking things apart, lightly. “You’ll never have anything!” Making things of things in a way that the things themselves take part in, putting themselves together with surprise and delight to I. “There’s no money in that!”
I is human. If someone needs, I gives. “you can’t do that! You’ll never have anything for yourself! We’ll have to support you!”
I loves. I loves in a way that other I does not know. I loves. “That’s too warm for friends!” “That’s too cool for lovers!” “Don’t feel so bad, he’s just a friend. It’s not as though you loved him.” “How can you let him go? I thought you loved him.” So cool the warm for friends and hot up the love for lovers, and I gets lost.
So both I’s have a house and a husband and children and all that, but both are confused because other I says “you see? You’re lucky,” while I goes on crying. “what are you crying about? Why are you so ungrateful?” I doesn’t know gratitude or ingratitude, and cannot argue. I goes on crying. Other I pushes it out, says, “ I am happy! I am very lucky to have such a fine family and a nice house and good neighbors and lots of friends who want me to do this, do that.” I is not reasonable either. I goes on crying.
Other I gets tired, and goes on smiling because that is the thing to do.
Smile, and you will be rewarded. Like the seal who gets tossed a piece of fish. Be nice to everyone and you will be rewarded. People will be nice to you, and you an be happy with that. You know they like you. Like a dog who gets patted on the head for good behavior. Tell funny stories. Be gay. Smile, smile, smile… I is crying… “Don’t be sorry for yourself! Go out and do things for people!” “Go out and be with people!” I is still crying, but now, that is not heard and felt so much.
Suddenly: “What am I doing?” “am I to go through life playing the clown?” “What am I doing going to parties I do not enjoy?” “What am I doing being with people who bore me?” “Why am I so hollow and the hollowness filled with emptiness?” A shell. How has this shell grown around me? Why am I proud of my children and unhappy about their lives which are not good enough? Why am I disappointed? Why do I feel so much waste?
I comes through, a little. In moments. And gets pushed back by other I.
I refuses to play the clown any more. Which I is that? “She use to be fun, but now she thinks too much about herself.”
I lets friends drop away. Which I is that? “She’s being too much by herself. That’s bad. She’s losing her mind.
Which mind?
A Forwarded Email (that happens to really describe how I've been feeling...creeeeepy)
In the beginning, I was one person, knowing nothing but my own experience. Then I was told things, and I became two people: the little girl who said how terrible it was that the boys had a fire going in the lot next door where they were roasting apples (which was what the women said) ~ and the little girl who, when the boys were called by their mothers to go to the store, ran out and tended the fire and the apples because she loved doing it.
So then there was two of I. One I always doing something that the other I disapproved of. Or other I said was I disapproved of. All this argument in me so much.
In the beginning was I, and I was good.
Then came in outside authority. This was confusing. And then other I became very confused because there was so many different outside authorities.
Sit nicely. Leave the room to blow your nose. Don’t do that, that’s silly. Why, the poor child doesn’t even know how to pick a bone! Flush the toilet at night because if you don’t it makes it harder to clean. Don’t flush the toilet at night, you wake people up! Always be nice to people. Even if you don’t like them, you mustn’t hurt there feelings. Be frank and honest. If you don’t tell people what you think of them, that’s cowardly. Butter knives. It is important to use butter knives. Butter knives? What foolishness! Speak nicely. Sissy! Kipling is wonderful! Ugh! Kipling (turning away).
The most important thing is to have a career. The most important thing is to get married. The hell with everyone. Be nice to everyone. The most important thing is sex. The most important thing is to have everyone like you. The most important thing is to be sophisticated and say what you don’t mean and don’t let anyone know what you feel. The most important thing is a black seal coat and china and silver. The most important thing is to be clean. The most important thing is to always pay your debts. The most important thing is to not be taken in by anyone else. The most important thing is to love your parents. The most important thing is to be independent. The most important things is to speak correct English. The most important things is to go to the right plays and read the right books. The most important thing is to do what others say- and others say all these things.
All the time, I is saying, Live with life. That is Important.
But when I lives with life, other I says no, that’s bad. All the different other I’s say this. It’s dangerous. It isn’t practical. You’ll come to a bad end. Of course…everyone felt that way once, the way you do, but you’ll learn.
Out of all the other I’s some are chosen as a pattern that is me. But there are all the other possibilities of patterns within what all the others say which come into me and become other I which is not myself, and sometimes these take over then who am I?
I does not bother about who am I. I is, and is happy being, other I says get to work, do something worth while! I is happy doing dishes “you’re weird!” I is happy being with people saying nothing. Other I says talk. Talk, talk, talk. I gets lost.
I knows that things are to be played with, not possessed. I likes putting things together, lightly. Taking things apart, lightly. “You’ll never have anything!” Making things of things in a way that the things themselves take part in, putting themselves together with surprise and delight to I. “There’s no money in that!”
I is human. If someone needs, I gives. “you can’t do that! You’ll never have anything for yourself! We’ll have to support you!”
I loves. I loves in a way that other I does not know. I loves. “That’s too warm for friends!” “That’s too cool for lovers!” “Don’t feel so bad, he’s just a friend. It’s not as though you loved him.” “How can you let him go? I thought you loved him.” So cool the warm for friends and hot up the love for lovers, and I gets lost.
So both I’s have a house and a husband and children and all that, but both are confused because other I says “you see? You’re lucky,” while I goes on crying. “what are you crying about? Why are you so ungrateful?” I doesn’t know gratitude or ingratitude, and cannot argue. I goes on crying. Other I pushes it out, says, “ I am happy! I am very lucky to have such a fine family and a nice house and good neighbors and lots of friends who want me to do this, do that.” I is not reasonable either. I goes on crying.
Other I gets tired, and goes on smiling because that is the thing to do.
Smile, and you will be rewarded. Like the seal who gets tossed a piece of fish. Be nice to everyone and you will be rewarded. People will be nice to you, and you an be happy with that. You know they like you. Like a dog who gets patted on the head for good behavior. Tell funny stories. Be gay. Smile, smile, smile… I is crying… “Don’t be sorry for yourself! Go out and do things for people!” “Go out and be with people!” I is still crying, but now, that is not heard and felt so much.
Suddenly: “What am I doing?” “am I to go through life playing the clown?” “What am I doing going to parties I do not enjoy?” “What am I doing being with people who bore me?” “Why am I so hollow and the hollowness filled with emptiness?” A shell. How has this shell grown around me? Why am I proud of my children and unhappy about their lives which are not good enough? Why am I disappointed? Why do I feel so much waste?
I comes through, a little. In moments. And gets pushed back by other I.
I refuses to play the clown any more. Which I is that? “She use to be fun, but now she thinks too much about herself.”
I lets friends drop away. Which I is that? “She’s being too much by herself. That’s bad. She’s losing her mind.
Which mind?