I Can't Even Begin To Believe This
Erica and I just got back from a bar and damn is she shit faced. We ended up going to Maga's after the bar closed at 2 and I had a terrible time there. At the bar Erica and I were having a great time, talking about marriage and such I mean we both even kissed her best friend.... that's trust! But we got to Maga's and then automatically all her attention was focused on Maga just like before, maybe she never changed. Maga was obviously into her girlfriend Christina which caused her to not pay much attention to Erica and I believe that deeply bothered Erica. I had to drive home she was so completely waisted and she's actually sleeping in the bedroom right now. I mentioned to her that I was leaving tomorrow for good, and she showed no concern what-so-ever. I know she's drunk but I also know how Erica is when she's drunk and anytime anything is mentioned about me leaving she snaps out of it and this time she didn't at all. I watched how much she had to drink and it wasn't enough to make her emotions vanish. I honestly think her and I need some time apart. I want someone who wants me and desires me all the time even when an old crush is around and if that's too much to ask for then perhaps I will just be alone, because all I know is what she did tonight hurt more than anything I've felt before and I am actually dreading going and laying down in that empty bed next to her. maybe I'm not what she needs to be tamed, maybe I can't compete with her feelings for Maga, maybe I was just kidding myself; after all who would want to be with a plain jane like me for the rest of their life. Fuck it!