A Bunch Of Shit
I've been real sick lately, but I can't tell what's wrong with me. I'm going to the doctor on Tuesday to have some blood work done. I'm been really lazy, sleeping all the time and when I'm not sleeping I'm dog tired, and I am never like that. Also I get really dizzy frequently throughout the whole day and it goes away a little after I eat but then comes right back. It's just a bunch or weird shit going on and I have no idea what the cause for it is. On Wednesday Christina Lynn went to Bacadoes with us and had an awesome time...she loved it, I had a great time with her there too, although I was somewhat upset because Nina Weena couldn't be there. She was suppose to but then said she couldn't, which really pissed me off because I hate when people do that and she knows that, but I was upset with her for maybe like 10 minutes and then got over it like usual. Tonight Nina Weena is coming out here and we're all suppose to hang out (my sister and the crew). Yesterday I went shopping with my mom all day long. It was AWESOME!!! It felt so good to just hang out and talk with my mom like usual. See because I've been living with Erica me and my mom don't see as much of each other, so most of the time when I go home to visit her and I end up snapping at one another, but yesterday we had wonderful conversation. I just realized how much I miss being around her all the time and I think thats part of the reason that when we do see each other we argue... because we just miss each other. She's an amazing, wonderful woman. I love you Mom!! Dude I have like 2 more weeks before school starts back up...I'm thrilled! blah! I've been thinking about death alot lately and I'm starting to freak myself out. It use to be that I feared death because I wouldn't be remembered, I'd be nothing and no one would have any recollection of who I was, however that's not the case anymore. I was listening to the song "only a 100 years to live" and it hit me, that's what brought these thoughts along. I fear death for a completely different reason now.... I can't imagine not having Erica right next to me, waking up to her beautiful, gentle face every morning; to truely feel her kiss, her touch, even something as simple as her breath against my neck. What if she was to die and leave me by myself, I honestly don't think life would be worth living then... I live for this girl. And what if I was to do that to her, would she be okay? I don't even think that if accepted into eternal life that I would be able to enjoy it if she's not there with me because I would costly worry about her well-being. I don't know why I'm thinking about this shit, but I think I just needed to get it out so the thoughts would leave me. I'm just going to make the best of everyday I have with Erica and worry about the rest later. I love you Erica!