(no subject)
Wow it's been a while to say the least. A lot has happened, a lot will happen, and is it weird to say I'm scared?
I'm actually single, and I'm not trying to be pompous by saying that, just meaning it's weird, cause I have hopped about relationships for 2 months, and it has been over a month since I have done anything with a boy (that boy being brandon) and it's been 4 months since I was technically in a relationship. It is weird, I enjoy it. I miss having someone to think about, and sure I mean I think about everyone, but like a special someone, that you know for sure is thinking of you too. I went to bristol and visited brandon, which confirmed for both of us that we are friends, and it makes me happy that we are.
The biggest change is my future. I think I am changing my major, which scares me because it is something I have always wanted to do. this past semester it just changed though ya know? I just am not getting reassurance in this feild from cnu. I'm not getting casted at all, and I feel like I do put forth effort, but since I don't have the time to do everything I feel like they don't put me in anything. But now I don't know where to go. My backup would be like marketing for the music industry, or being a singer. I'd keep musical theater as a minor but I'd be done for the most part, and it's scary cause I would have to quit my voice lessons. I just don't know how I'll feel being in another major. I slowly feel my dreams slipping away from me cause I have lost my inspiration. THe only thing I can continue to maintain is music and dance, and it hurts that I'm withheld from expressing it. I wish I was more for them, and was givin opportunities to prove myself. I'll continue to try and audition, but I have lost the faith they'll want me. I have lost the faith in myself. ANd I know the dissappointment I'll recieve for giving up on it, but I think that I have to do things my own way. I thin kwhen I graduate I will go to ny or la, and do it that way. I'll give myself a year before returning home.
I'm actually single, and I'm not trying to be pompous by saying that, just meaning it's weird, cause I have hopped about relationships for 2 months, and it has been over a month since I have done anything with a boy (that boy being brandon) and it's been 4 months since I was technically in a relationship. It is weird, I enjoy it. I miss having someone to think about, and sure I mean I think about everyone, but like a special someone, that you know for sure is thinking of you too. I went to bristol and visited brandon, which confirmed for both of us that we are friends, and it makes me happy that we are.
The biggest change is my future. I think I am changing my major, which scares me because it is something I have always wanted to do. this past semester it just changed though ya know? I just am not getting reassurance in this feild from cnu. I'm not getting casted at all, and I feel like I do put forth effort, but since I don't have the time to do everything I feel like they don't put me in anything. But now I don't know where to go. My backup would be like marketing for the music industry, or being a singer. I'd keep musical theater as a minor but I'd be done for the most part, and it's scary cause I would have to quit my voice lessons. I just don't know how I'll feel being in another major. I slowly feel my dreams slipping away from me cause I have lost my inspiration. THe only thing I can continue to maintain is music and dance, and it hurts that I'm withheld from expressing it. I wish I was more for them, and was givin opportunities to prove myself. I'll continue to try and audition, but I have lost the faith they'll want me. I have lost the faith in myself. ANd I know the dissappointment I'll recieve for giving up on it, but I think that I have to do things my own way. I thin kwhen I graduate I will go to ny or la, and do it that way. I'll give myself a year before returning home.