I'm depressed.
why am I depressed?
because I ruined somebody else's life again. because I ruined yet another relationship. because I get jealous. because I get angry. because I push people away. because I can't handle my emotions. because I don't think. because I think too much. because I don't know what I want. because I do know what I want.
I'm depressed because I'm alone, again. because I didn't know how to handle how I was feeling so I pushed him away.
maybe I was afraid. maybe I'm tired. maybe it's because I didn't get what I wanted.
it doesn't matter now. if we make it through this it would be a miracle. he's probably already looking at another girl. he's probably already trying to find a reason to call it quits. I should have realized it a while ago.
but instead I was stupid. instead I was trying to force him into something he didn't want. how could I be so stupid.
I miss him...
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