Things I Thought About Tonight...
I’ve been sitting here playing solitaire and thinking I should post something new.
Thinking: I want to know how people are doing, but I don’t want to pick up the phone. I treasure my few hours alone as much as I resent them. I am in the same boat I’ve been in for the last few years; struggling to make ends meet and resenting everyone around me who isn’t struggling as much as I am, especially the couples.
Getting caught up a little: So, Lynn, how are you doing? I think about you all the time and wonder, but it’s never when I can talk or when it’s a reasonable time to call.
Carl, how about you? I don’t know that you’ve replaced your phone yet…
Relationships: Steve is still around. I know I haven’t mentioned him by name in a long while. It’s mostly because I can’t decide if he wants me to go away forever or suck his skin off. Some of you have been in his position. I am pleased to say that all of you who have been there have found the fortitude to let me know which you prefer.
Damn it! Now my feelings are hurt. Why can’t I find someone who even likes me enough to want me for a roommate indefinitely? My son told me that he’s buying a house next door to mine even if he has to buy me the house. I can’t decide whether to be touched or offended. (Yes, I was touched. The offended remark was purely for humor.)
Yes, Steve, that was a direct dig. I want you to love me, but you have made it perfectly clear that you can’t. Even so, I wish and hope but know you’ll never change your mind. To keep from caring more than I already do, I remind myself regularly that you won’t give, although you do help a lot by being a random prick. It always snaps me right out of the maybes and shoves me into the “what the hell am I thinking” state of mind. Damn! I can’t decide if I should leave you to suck your own cock or if I should keep trying in hopes that you’ll fuck me again ‘til I come. Fuck you piss me off! I don’t want to be like all the girls I’ve counseled over the years. I don’t want to be like my mom. I want to be the logical woman that I’ve always been. I don’t want to follow my romantic side everywhere. I want to go back to being an optimistic realist.
The Gym: According to my trainer, the gym thing is going ok. I’ve lost only six pounds, but I’ve lost three inches on my hips and waist. That’s good, right?
Work: Well, work is work. I got demoted for a failure to perform. Then, after I requested a transfer several times, the man who “just wanted to make me feel good” even though I found him “morally repulsive” decided that it was okay to touch. I was transferred immediately after reporting it.
Ugh! I had a wretched day at work. I got a photo radar ticket. I locked myself out of the van at a customer’s house. I ran out of gas. Just shoot me now…
That’s all I have for now.