Alas, after quite a hiatus...
It's so strange to be back here...writing...
I doubt anyone is reading this, which is why I am bothering to write it at all.
It seems that since I've been married I have not bothered to keep up with blog writing of any sort. I love to browse around and find other peoples' observations about the world, but I never seem to have anything of my own to add.
This entry will prove to be no more interesting.
But, I have some things on my mind and I thought this would be a good place to put them down. I find that writing things out helps me to see the bigger picture. I am tired of always being in my head. Writing in a journal or blog has always been good for that, but as I've previously mentioned I do neither of the aforementioned activities on a regular basis. Hopefully this is the beginning of a change
Being out of school has made me feel dumb. I still read a lot, but it's aways novels, never anything educational. I suppose anything you read could be viewed as an educational source...as long as you take away something you didn't know before, you've learned... However, I feel wholly uninteresting and unoriginal. I also find myself doubting my own intelligence...For example, I just spell-checked the word "wholly" because I have no used it in writing for ages and I had a momentary freak-out when I realized I was no longer 100% sure of how to spell it. I am tired of this moments of self-doubt. I am tired of always being cloistered in my own safe little world.
I always tell myself that I love being with Chris all the time. And I do enjoy his company immensely, but I need more than just him. It feels good to have this realization. Because I realize that a relationship that is completely exclusive of all outside influence is unhealthy. I would never go so far as to say that was completely the case with Chris and me, but there are definite moments. I believe this stems from insecurities on the individuals' parts.
Chris says he wants me to do whatever I want that will make me happy. I tell him the same...
But do we mean it? I think there is always a twinge of doubt or uncertainty in my own consciousness... Perhaps I mean, he can do anything that will make you happy, as long as I approve it... That sounds crazy. I don't feel jealous whenever he talks about a girl at work, etc...he thinks I do, and for sure I used to get all stupid and huffy if I suspected he thought a girl was attractive... But, I've since come to realize that I can't control it and it doesn't matter anyway. I find other men attractive, but it doesn't mean a damn thing. And the same is true of him.
However...I must continue this later. I have to get my butt to work. Ah, the joys.
And to think this isn't even what I originally sat down to write.
I doubt anyone is reading this, which is why I am bothering to write it at all.
It seems that since I've been married I have not bothered to keep up with blog writing of any sort. I love to browse around and find other peoples' observations about the world, but I never seem to have anything of my own to add.
This entry will prove to be no more interesting.
But, I have some things on my mind and I thought this would be a good place to put them down. I find that writing things out helps me to see the bigger picture. I am tired of always being in my head. Writing in a journal or blog has always been good for that, but as I've previously mentioned I do neither of the aforementioned activities on a regular basis. Hopefully this is the beginning of a change
Being out of school has made me feel dumb. I still read a lot, but it's aways novels, never anything educational. I suppose anything you read could be viewed as an educational source...as long as you take away something you didn't know before, you've learned... However, I feel wholly uninteresting and unoriginal. I also find myself doubting my own intelligence...For example, I just spell-checked the word "wholly" because I have no used it in writing for ages and I had a momentary freak-out when I realized I was no longer 100% sure of how to spell it. I am tired of this moments of self-doubt. I am tired of always being cloistered in my own safe little world.
I always tell myself that I love being with Chris all the time. And I do enjoy his company immensely, but I need more than just him. It feels good to have this realization. Because I realize that a relationship that is completely exclusive of all outside influence is unhealthy. I would never go so far as to say that was completely the case with Chris and me, but there are definite moments. I believe this stems from insecurities on the individuals' parts.
Chris says he wants me to do whatever I want that will make me happy. I tell him the same...
But do we mean it? I think there is always a twinge of doubt or uncertainty in my own consciousness... Perhaps I mean, he can do anything that will make you happy, as long as I approve it... That sounds crazy. I don't feel jealous whenever he talks about a girl at work, etc...he thinks I do, and for sure I used to get all stupid and huffy if I suspected he thought a girl was attractive... But, I've since come to realize that I can't control it and it doesn't matter anyway. I find other men attractive, but it doesn't mean a damn thing. And the same is true of him.
However...I must continue this later. I have to get my butt to work. Ah, the joys.
And to think this isn't even what I originally sat down to write.