(no subject)
One of my friend's high school buddies passed away recently. The entire week we spent studying, this death was all my friend could speak about. He asked me how I felt when Troy passed away, how long it takes to "get over it" and basically wanted to confirm if what he feels is "normal".
So, I opened up my heart again, and spoke about it, the incident which I hadn't spoken so much about in quite some time now. We spoke about spirits, cremation vs. burial, Hindu beliefs and if the person actually ever leaves us. After these talks....I would cry...privately, alone, secluding myself from everyone else. Then I would dream, and he would appear in my dream, and he would look at me with his sparkling eyes and crooked smile, and he would extend his arms and say "NIVI! Where have you been? I haven't seen you in such a long time!" I look at him and this shiver of happiness extends down my spine, and I run towards him and say,
"Troy!!!! I missed you!" Then I stop, a couple of inches before his body and my smile turns into a look of confusion. I stare into his eyes and I step back realizing I am imagining his presence. He is not actually there. He is not really standing before me. Scared, I step backwards slowly. And at this moment, I somehow forcefully wake myself up from this dream/nightmare.
I usually cry myself to sleep these nights.
Damnit..... I miss you..... I miss having you to talk to and I miss making fun of each other's silly ways....
Some memories can never be forgotten.
So, I opened up my heart again, and spoke about it, the incident which I hadn't spoken so much about in quite some time now. We spoke about spirits, cremation vs. burial, Hindu beliefs and if the person actually ever leaves us. After these talks....I would cry...privately, alone, secluding myself from everyone else. Then I would dream, and he would appear in my dream, and he would look at me with his sparkling eyes and crooked smile, and he would extend his arms and say "NIVI! Where have you been? I haven't seen you in such a long time!" I look at him and this shiver of happiness extends down my spine, and I run towards him and say,
"Troy!!!! I missed you!" Then I stop, a couple of inches before his body and my smile turns into a look of confusion. I stare into his eyes and I step back realizing I am imagining his presence. He is not actually there. He is not really standing before me. Scared, I step backwards slowly. And at this moment, I somehow forcefully wake myself up from this dream/nightmare.
I usually cry myself to sleep these nights.
Damnit..... I miss you..... I miss having you to talk to and I miss making fun of each other's silly ways....
Some memories can never be forgotten.