(no subject)
I went to a conference in Philadelphia this weekend, and let me just say that the recruiters there were a WHOLE lot nicer than the ones that come to the RPI career fair....at least the ones that I spoke with. I managed to pull off 3 interviews during the career fair. YAY! =D I would have gotten a fourth one except that it was a follow up interview for one that ended at 3:30, and the career fair was over at 4, so they didn't have time to do another one. So I am anticipating a phone call soon. :) I am seriously praying that everything goes well....
Besides that, the weekend itself was okay. The boy ran into all of his frat brothers so of course, he was all excited about seeing them and I definitely felt like the odd one out. The worst part of these conferences is that I'm not close with any of the girls that attend...and thus I hang out with Kash and that crew all day and I end up feeling like I'm tagging along everywhere. And that's a problem in itself...I shouldn't feel like I'm tagging along, but maybe thats just my insecurity considering the present circumstances. There were a few fights here and there, lots of "realizations" and me thinking about what exactly I'm doing and what is going to come of this. He hasn't changed much, and he said he's trying, but the words that sometimes come out of his mouth are just so rude and nasty. It makes me feel as if he doesnt give a crap, and I have to keep telling myself to not expect ANYTHING. Honestly, how do you deal with the realization that the person you love may not be the one that you are meant to be with? There are just so many things that are wrong, and yet I see him making somewhat of an effort, and trying to show he cares. It's really hard but I'm trying to take my time and think things through.... I know alot of people tell me to walk away but I don't give up that easily and I don't want to.
So now we're at this in between stage where we love each other and we hang out alot but we're not in a relationship and I seriously don't know how to deal with it. He introduces me to people (if he remembers to introduce me at all) as just Nivi, whereas in the past I was his girlfriend. Yet at the same time, he's willing to show his affection to me in front of other people, as if I AM his girlfriend. So what does that mean? I ask him and he questions me about why I "NEED" a title, but this - not having a title thing - is messing with my mind too much. It's supposedly his way of working things out and improving our relationship, but the more and more I think about it, the more he's pushing me away.
Time can only tell.....
Besides that, the weekend itself was okay. The boy ran into all of his frat brothers so of course, he was all excited about seeing them and I definitely felt like the odd one out. The worst part of these conferences is that I'm not close with any of the girls that attend...and thus I hang out with Kash and that crew all day and I end up feeling like I'm tagging along everywhere. And that's a problem in itself...I shouldn't feel like I'm tagging along, but maybe thats just my insecurity considering the present circumstances. There were a few fights here and there, lots of "realizations" and me thinking about what exactly I'm doing and what is going to come of this. He hasn't changed much, and he said he's trying, but the words that sometimes come out of his mouth are just so rude and nasty. It makes me feel as if he doesnt give a crap, and I have to keep telling myself to not expect ANYTHING. Honestly, how do you deal with the realization that the person you love may not be the one that you are meant to be with? There are just so many things that are wrong, and yet I see him making somewhat of an effort, and trying to show he cares. It's really hard but I'm trying to take my time and think things through.... I know alot of people tell me to walk away but I don't give up that easily and I don't want to.
So now we're at this in between stage where we love each other and we hang out alot but we're not in a relationship and I seriously don't know how to deal with it. He introduces me to people (if he remembers to introduce me at all) as just Nivi, whereas in the past I was his girlfriend. Yet at the same time, he's willing to show his affection to me in front of other people, as if I AM his girlfriend. So what does that mean? I ask him and he questions me about why I "NEED" a title, but this - not having a title thing - is messing with my mind too much. It's supposedly his way of working things out and improving our relationship, but the more and more I think about it, the more he's pushing me away.
Time can only tell.....