pondering
My moods have been shifting with tidal consistency these days, but today I'm feeling particularly good. It's nice out, and I read two articles between classes that I found to be very inspiring. If you're ever feeling sad, I suggest picking up Martin Luther King's sermon on Loving Your Enemies (it's not particularly long) or the selected writings of Dorothy Day from By Little and By Little. Every once in a while I start to get really down on life and feel hopeless about things, as I'm sure most people do from time to time, and these two articles helped give me the reality check that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself. It made me feel sort of disgusted with my moodiness, because I really have no right to be unhappy with my life. I just wish that there were more channels for this sort of positive, pro-active thought to flow into my day to day experiences. I feel like I'm surrounded by people who are wrapped up in their problems and their dissatisfaction with the world around them, and I'm finding it very difficult to keep from getting sucked into that sort of negative attitude. Also, I get very bitter and angry when my loving actions aren't reciprocated, so I consider the possibility that I should fight fire with fire and stop being nice to people. Reading Day's and King's work helped me to remember that hate only multiplies hate, and that I have to continue to give in order to truly recieve. I know so many people who spend their lives waiting for the world to give them what they think they are owed, rather than going out and doing good and not waiting on rewards (myself included). There are some very basic changes that I want to make in my own life in light of these articles. I could go into a long list, but the bottom line is that I don't want my happiness to be contingent on the responses or rewards or reactions of those around me. I want it to be contingent on my own satisfaction with myself and with the way I treat other people.
I know that was a lot, and it might not make any sense since I'm writing this in the 20 minutes I have before my Lit. History class and not really thinking about how logical my train of thought is, but it's very important to me, and I'd appreciate any feedback on these sorts of topics. I get frustrated with feeling like I am the only person who thinks this way, and the only person who isn't content to just give up on life and get angry at the world or escape from it. I think I've been craving a positive intellectual exchange, and lately I only seem to be getting it in the classroom or in conversation with my Dad, but I really want it to come from my friends, since I respect and value your opinions the most. I am overwhelmed by emo, whiny, pessimistic, "my life sucks" attitudes lately, and I'm dying for a change of pace.
thanks for reading this. i miss you guys.
bye for now <3
I know that was a lot, and it might not make any sense since I'm writing this in the 20 minutes I have before my Lit. History class and not really thinking about how logical my train of thought is, but it's very important to me, and I'd appreciate any feedback on these sorts of topics. I get frustrated with feeling like I am the only person who thinks this way, and the only person who isn't content to just give up on life and get angry at the world or escape from it. I think I've been craving a positive intellectual exchange, and lately I only seem to be getting it in the classroom or in conversation with my Dad, but I really want it to come from my friends, since I respect and value your opinions the most. I am overwhelmed by emo, whiny, pessimistic, "my life sucks" attitudes lately, and I'm dying for a change of pace.
thanks for reading this. i miss you guys.
bye for now <3