crying is okay here.
I just read that. I've been staring at the computer for at least 45 minutes now, not knowing where to start, what to say, or even how to feel. I was just clicking around the internet absentmindedly, and I came across something that said "Crying is okay here." And I thought, whew, good thing.
I am so sad. I'm in this incredible funk. And it's not just today, although my sadness was increased exponentially by the fact that I feel really relieved that the health care reform bill passed - - and then I logged onto facebook and everyone was posting about Socialism. I wanted to say so many things. Hmmm, what kind of socialism are you disappointed with? Our free education system? Having police officers and firemen? Oh no, don't tell me. Is it the Library?! But I didn't. I wanted to say You have NO IDEA how much this is going to help the children and their families that I work with every day. They SO needed this. What's that? You didn't? Then you have been very blessed. Good for you. Congratulations. I wanted to scream If you currently have healthcare coverage and you haven't had any problems, you probably haven't ever been very sick. Congratulations again.
But I didn't say any of those things. And I won't. Not like that. I will sit here, quietly, and be happy for what I believe is a step in the right direction. I couldn't say that a few months ago. I didn't know what the hell healthcare reform was going to do - or not do. So when the issue was brought up I would just say "I don't really know. I guess it sounds good from what I've heard, but I haven't read it."
I wonder how many people have read the bill? Especially the ones complaining about it. It seems like I heard one politician saying something about it on NPR a few weeks ago, at that same thing has just been repeated and repeated and repeated.
It's frustrating. But that is not what this is all about.
I'm sad. I'm burnt out. I just don't give a fuck anymore. About a lot of things. I feel empty. In my head.
Maybe if I scream a little louder, about all of the things that make me mad, I will feel better.
Maybe if I jump into a waterfall screaming like Tarzan, I will feel better.
Maybe if I dye my hair bright pink and pierce a random body part, I will feel better.
Maybe if I pray a little louder and sink a little lower, I will feel better.
While all of these are, in my opinion, excellent ideas - I know they won't make me feel better. And that just pisses me off. How much more creative can I be? What more can I do?
Eat more asparagus?
Cry even harder?
Ok. I will try.
I am so sad. I'm in this incredible funk. And it's not just today, although my sadness was increased exponentially by the fact that I feel really relieved that the health care reform bill passed - - and then I logged onto facebook and everyone was posting about Socialism. I wanted to say so many things. Hmmm, what kind of socialism are you disappointed with? Our free education system? Having police officers and firemen? Oh no, don't tell me. Is it the Library?! But I didn't. I wanted to say You have NO IDEA how much this is going to help the children and their families that I work with every day. They SO needed this. What's that? You didn't? Then you have been very blessed. Good for you. Congratulations. I wanted to scream If you currently have healthcare coverage and you haven't had any problems, you probably haven't ever been very sick. Congratulations again.
But I didn't say any of those things. And I won't. Not like that. I will sit here, quietly, and be happy for what I believe is a step in the right direction. I couldn't say that a few months ago. I didn't know what the hell healthcare reform was going to do - or not do. So when the issue was brought up I would just say "I don't really know. I guess it sounds good from what I've heard, but I haven't read it."
I wonder how many people have read the bill? Especially the ones complaining about it. It seems like I heard one politician saying something about it on NPR a few weeks ago, at that same thing has just been repeated and repeated and repeated.
It's frustrating. But that is not what this is all about.
I'm sad. I'm burnt out. I just don't give a fuck anymore. About a lot of things. I feel empty. In my head.
Maybe if I scream a little louder, about all of the things that make me mad, I will feel better.
Maybe if I jump into a waterfall screaming like Tarzan, I will feel better.
Maybe if I dye my hair bright pink and pierce a random body part, I will feel better.
Maybe if I pray a little louder and sink a little lower, I will feel better.
While all of these are, in my opinion, excellent ideas - I know they won't make me feel better. And that just pisses me off. How much more creative can I be? What more can I do?
Eat more asparagus?
Cry even harder?
Ok. I will try.