(no subject)
I told someone to "fuck the fuck off you piece of shit, can't you understand what NO means?" last night. I almost spit in his face. I should have.
Last night I experienced the result of misogyny being validated in our society. I haven't felt truly unsafe, violated, and disrespected by men in a long time but unfortunately, that happened last night. I've been through far worse and I've learned how to be very strong because of these experiences. Piles of trash, just bottom of the barrel scum have "graced" my life, and I've had to pull myself out of those dumpsters of trauma and pain, but I'm stronger now. The misogyny is something that is so prevalent in our society though, and it is just so spectacularly sickening.
Last night I was quite excited to go out dancing at one of the gay friendly bars in Bellingham with my best friend from high school. The drinks were extremely cheap and the dance floor and DJ were on point. There were also pool tables in the room next door, which is where I found myself. After beating my friend (by a long shot, lol), two guys came up and asked us if we'd like to play doubles. I said, "sure! we're really bad though." Lol. They went to go get drinks, and in the time that we were waiting for them, a probable better choice in a match came to ask me as well- but I had to turn him down, as I had already accepted the others' inquiry. They came back and we started- I broke and got a solid in. That was unfortunately my only good shot of the game (and I had been doing so well, too!). This proves that pool has an incredible psychological component to it, because as I grew more uncomfortable with the two fellows playing us, I continued to lose whatever small amount of skill I've developed in pool. The small white guy with tattoos seemed to be on drugs, or yearning to do them, and the larger brown guy was quite persistent at pursuing a conversation with us, and said 'you know you guys can talk to us too', and other semi questionable, not welcoming things to say.. so. Needless to say it was a little hard to continue conversations when he was so terrible at them. After we lost (on purpose), they offered to buy us drinks. Larkin said 'yes, VODKA shot' and ran off to the bar, and I was left alone with the brown guy. I politely declined his offer because I had just begun drinking a beer, and I'm a light weight. He continued to try and get me a shot, but I reluctantly said 'well, OK, if I'm still around, sure.' That was a bad thing to say, but I didn't know what else to say to get him to leave me alone. Apparently saying 'I'm going to dance right now, so I don't need a drink' wasn't enough.
I was in quite good company, with friends around, and I made friends with the bouncer, who was quite a good person. I told him the situation after he finally went away, and he told me he had my back. He was respectful and kind to me and treated me like a person, which was a nice refresher. Everything was fine for a while, I went dancing, had another beer, had some more conversations with old friends, but then this piece of shit kept coming to find me and pushing to buy me drinks and shots with his stupid meth-head friend. I continued to politely decline and he accused me of being skeptical of him for 'no reason' and that I had 'no reason to worry'. I told him that I was engaged and that I'm not interested in anything romantic, but he just said he wanted to ('innocently') 'continue the conversation', which he failed to do so, just on a fundamental level of being an idiot, and also being too intoxicated to realize he was bad at talking. I was really uncomfortable at this point because the way he pursued me was quite predatory. My friend saw that he was standing quite close to me, and came over to get me out of the situation. I walked away to the bathroom, and then just hung out with the bouncer for quite a while because my other friends were out smoking and it was cold. He came up again, and I wasn't nice anymore- gave him a piece of my strong, Native woman mind. After repeatedly telling him that I wasn't interested, he kept pushing the boundary, and I knew that he would overpower me if he forced himself upon me, so I just yelled- quite possibly a slur of words, I don't entirely remember what I said, all I do remember is what I stated above in the quotations. Then I ran away to the water cooler, and we proceeded to leave shortly after that.
Would I have been as strong as I was last night without the results of the election? Would I have had a motive to stand up for what is right, instead of just running away and avoiding the problem? I don't know. All I know is that I shouldn't have to cover up who I am and what I look like because of how terrible people are. I shouldn't have to hide behind "social buffers" to get out of a situation. I shouldn't have to tell someone repeatedly that I'm not interested, that I am engaged, that I am gay, or whatever else excuse, to get a man to stop pursuing me. Its ridiculous to me that being a woman has inherently become a curse, when we should be celebrating the beauty that women-that people- are.
I'll end on this note from my friend Paul: At least we can all be thankful that you were with good company to make sure nothing more from him happened. Beauty like so many other qualities-strength, intelligence, resourcefulness, etc.-are all kinda like lights. They help us see through the world and navigate things, but the cost is that it attracts scum from the dark, and the best thing that one can do is find those that have their own lanterns.
Last night I experienced the result of misogyny being validated in our society. I haven't felt truly unsafe, violated, and disrespected by men in a long time but unfortunately, that happened last night. I've been through far worse and I've learned how to be very strong because of these experiences. Piles of trash, just bottom of the barrel scum have "graced" my life, and I've had to pull myself out of those dumpsters of trauma and pain, but I'm stronger now. The misogyny is something that is so prevalent in our society though, and it is just so spectacularly sickening.
Last night I was quite excited to go out dancing at one of the gay friendly bars in Bellingham with my best friend from high school. The drinks were extremely cheap and the dance floor and DJ were on point. There were also pool tables in the room next door, which is where I found myself. After beating my friend (by a long shot, lol), two guys came up and asked us if we'd like to play doubles. I said, "sure! we're really bad though." Lol. They went to go get drinks, and in the time that we were waiting for them, a probable better choice in a match came to ask me as well- but I had to turn him down, as I had already accepted the others' inquiry. They came back and we started- I broke and got a solid in. That was unfortunately my only good shot of the game (and I had been doing so well, too!). This proves that pool has an incredible psychological component to it, because as I grew more uncomfortable with the two fellows playing us, I continued to lose whatever small amount of skill I've developed in pool. The small white guy with tattoos seemed to be on drugs, or yearning to do them, and the larger brown guy was quite persistent at pursuing a conversation with us, and said 'you know you guys can talk to us too', and other semi questionable, not welcoming things to say.. so. Needless to say it was a little hard to continue conversations when he was so terrible at them. After we lost (on purpose), they offered to buy us drinks. Larkin said 'yes, VODKA shot' and ran off to the bar, and I was left alone with the brown guy. I politely declined his offer because I had just begun drinking a beer, and I'm a light weight. He continued to try and get me a shot, but I reluctantly said 'well, OK, if I'm still around, sure.' That was a bad thing to say, but I didn't know what else to say to get him to leave me alone. Apparently saying 'I'm going to dance right now, so I don't need a drink' wasn't enough.
I was in quite good company, with friends around, and I made friends with the bouncer, who was quite a good person. I told him the situation after he finally went away, and he told me he had my back. He was respectful and kind to me and treated me like a person, which was a nice refresher. Everything was fine for a while, I went dancing, had another beer, had some more conversations with old friends, but then this piece of shit kept coming to find me and pushing to buy me drinks and shots with his stupid meth-head friend. I continued to politely decline and he accused me of being skeptical of him for 'no reason' and that I had 'no reason to worry'. I told him that I was engaged and that I'm not interested in anything romantic, but he just said he wanted to ('innocently') 'continue the conversation', which he failed to do so, just on a fundamental level of being an idiot, and also being too intoxicated to realize he was bad at talking. I was really uncomfortable at this point because the way he pursued me was quite predatory. My friend saw that he was standing quite close to me, and came over to get me out of the situation. I walked away to the bathroom, and then just hung out with the bouncer for quite a while because my other friends were out smoking and it was cold. He came up again, and I wasn't nice anymore- gave him a piece of my strong, Native woman mind. After repeatedly telling him that I wasn't interested, he kept pushing the boundary, and I knew that he would overpower me if he forced himself upon me, so I just yelled- quite possibly a slur of words, I don't entirely remember what I said, all I do remember is what I stated above in the quotations. Then I ran away to the water cooler, and we proceeded to leave shortly after that.
Would I have been as strong as I was last night without the results of the election? Would I have had a motive to stand up for what is right, instead of just running away and avoiding the problem? I don't know. All I know is that I shouldn't have to cover up who I am and what I look like because of how terrible people are. I shouldn't have to hide behind "social buffers" to get out of a situation. I shouldn't have to tell someone repeatedly that I'm not interested, that I am engaged, that I am gay, or whatever else excuse, to get a man to stop pursuing me. Its ridiculous to me that being a woman has inherently become a curse, when we should be celebrating the beauty that women-that people- are.
I'll end on this note from my friend Paul: At least we can all be thankful that you were with good company to make sure nothing more from him happened. Beauty like so many other qualities-strength, intelligence, resourcefulness, etc.-are all kinda like lights. They help us see through the world and navigate things, but the cost is that it attracts scum from the dark, and the best thing that one can do is find those that have their own lanterns.