Tired... of everything
I came home today from the parade and slept for what seemed to be five minutes... ok it was two hours. Waking up to my cell rining 152 times... ok not really.. but when you are sleeping and a small object by your ear is making the worst noise possible to the dreamer's mind, then it sure seems the phone rang that much. I went to the play this evening with Frank, Jeff, and Danielle. Suprisingly Frank came after he called me earlier saying work was backed up and he didnt think he was going to. When he got there of course he was being a fig, he wasn't feeling well enough to hang out with me, but sure he was suppose to hang out with Joe tonight. I hate being upset with him, but at the same time he had made it really difficult lately not to get sad. It is bad enough that we will more then likely have to break up when and if I away this fall to Flagler, since he won't "date a ghost." I can't blame him. It wouldn't be fair for me to ask him to continue being with me if I am over 5 hours away up the coast. It kills me to think that at the same time next year I will be saying goodbye to my friends and my boyfriend all at once. Possibly that is why we are at eachother's throats now. We both are dreading the inevitable, and feel that if we push eachother away now, the hurt later won't be as painful. At the same time, thinking of loosing him rather then fulfiling our future dreams together feels as if I am not only betraying him but my heart as well. Though people tell me if we are meant to be then we will be, at the same time how could someone who loves another leave them knowing that it would be goodbye.
Watching the play tonight was just, well I can't describe with words. Since Beauty and the Beast is by far my favorite Disney movie I was extremely excited to see the play. Never did I ever think it would have been what it turned out to be. I got chills and I cried throughout the play, and especially when Michael Focus sang and when Belle sang to him at the end when he was "dying." The movie also struck home. I have always thought of that movie to be a desciption of Frank and I. Me being Belle, the "odd" bookworm who loves her father dearly, and Frank the Beast who has to learn to control his temper and who learns to love for real when he is with Belle, like how Frank was with me. Except what if our ending is truly to be, as oppose to what our dreams are that we have talked about on numerous occasions.
Well I suppose I shouldn't jump to conclusions quite yet. I will know more after talking to my guidance counselor on monday. Hopefully then I will know if I am leaving in the fall, or going to FAU or BCC. If it turns out I can go away then it will be hard to leave my friends for our final year, but I feel it is something I have to do. I feel like there is nothing left for me in high school and going away has always been my dream. Though I can't help but wonder if things will all work out in the end, or if I will be making a mistake, one that I will always regret.
Watching the play tonight was just, well I can't describe with words. Since Beauty and the Beast is by far my favorite Disney movie I was extremely excited to see the play. Never did I ever think it would have been what it turned out to be. I got chills and I cried throughout the play, and especially when Michael Focus sang and when Belle sang to him at the end when he was "dying." The movie also struck home. I have always thought of that movie to be a desciption of Frank and I. Me being Belle, the "odd" bookworm who loves her father dearly, and Frank the Beast who has to learn to control his temper and who learns to love for real when he is with Belle, like how Frank was with me. Except what if our ending is truly to be, as oppose to what our dreams are that we have talked about on numerous occasions.
Well I suppose I shouldn't jump to conclusions quite yet. I will know more after talking to my guidance counselor on monday. Hopefully then I will know if I am leaving in the fall, or going to FAU or BCC. If it turns out I can go away then it will be hard to leave my friends for our final year, but I feel it is something I have to do. I feel like there is nothing left for me in high school and going away has always been my dream. Though I can't help but wonder if things will all work out in the end, or if I will be making a mistake, one that I will always regret.