Will the sun shine in soon?

[lilluv387]

I have finally sunk to a low where I have found it necessary to resort to livejourna. I can't talk to people about the numerous things that hurt right now, and all I can do is cry, though I try so hard to hold it in. I feel I am no longer that close with my friends. Which does hurt, but I just feel a huge gap has grown inbetween me and my ability to have a working social life when I know my smiles are fake. The one person who has helped me so much right now is Frank. I even feel bad for him though. How many times do I go and try to hold in my tears so that I don't bother him with them? And yet he always knows when something is wrong with me, and with one look from him I break down. He is truly amazing. He pulls me into his arms and kisses my foehead and tells me to cry it all out so I will feel better, and it's ok to cry I don't have to hold it in to try and be strong cause he even cries too when he gets fustrated. It's been over 5 months with him, but what feels like years, and I can't imagine my life without him in it. Frank has become my leaning post, my comical relief... my heart.

I just hope things will get better eventually. Just right now I only know that they will be getting worse. I am sick of my mom being sick, I am sick of crying, I am sick of being so vulnerable for money, and I am sick of putting on smiles for people around me just so they don't ask me the dreaded questions of "are you ok" or "what's wrong." What is the point in asking, few will ever understand anyways.