Flashbacks
Strange case of deja vu.
Saying goodbyes to a girlfriend because you're leaving for Ibiza in just a matter of hours.
The horrible feeling in your stomach knowing that you'll have an amazing time, but also that you'll miss her terribly.
Glancing to you're right and seeing that rediculous pink-lined suitcase and small red rucksack.
Although last time I wasn't bothered about going...this time I can't wait to leave. I have about half the money I had last year so I'll be stuck in alot of nights, but just leaving for 2 weeks to sit by the pool all day and read this amazing book I have, and have some laughs with my mates - it'll be amazing.
I cant wait to see Joanna and Samantha over there too, it could end up a bit of a chaotic first week!
When I come back - who knows. A lot of stuff's going on with my mates which could end up with things turning nasty between us and a another squad. Im not worried.
Some people have given me some grief in the last 2 weeks. Ailie seemed pretty dischuffed on Saturday night cos I havent "been there" or whatever. Fair doos, but as I said, I go through life and helping people with their problems day in, day out, giving advice or just listening. I take a wee bit of time just to sort my own head out and everything going on around me with fuck all help from anyone - not that I asked for it - and that was unacceptable. I just apologised. All I could do. I was steamboats but I still meant it. Contrary to what some people think I am fucking human, I have my own problems too, and when they got as bad as they did and the walls began to close in, Im very sorry but my own well being was top priority. Robyn also had the same argument as Ailie and I said the same thing to her. Although she then also gave me verbal for not talking to people about my problems when I have them. I told her to piss off and mind her own business. I dont realise exactly what people expect from me. Im not here to be at anyone's beck and call and I dont expect anyone to be at mine. If it's about being a good friend well, jesus, it takes fuckin two to talk. If ever I was "there" for someone in the past well it's been very much taken for granted. I mean I hope not. I hope both conversations were just alchol induced over reactedness although did contain an element of truth. I told Robyn to phone me about it, she didnt. I told Ailie to text me, she didnt. What can I do. Robyn has spoken to me since but about other things, I think she feels embarrassed I dunno...Fuck knows. The thought was tornadoing inside my head.
A cyclone hit Oman and destroyed the place. The beautiful place. The souque market where all my jewelry comes from is just rubble now, thousands of housands flattened. And yet it's not been on the news once. No aid is being sent from the West. What the fuck!
Well enough nonsense from me, Goodfellas awaits me and Im up at 7 bells to say adios to the rents.
It's a gas gas gas...
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