WOW... what all i wish i could write, but damn!
Well life and boys..EWY! he he he! Well i guess lets go from the past to now... Ah, well if it is possible to go from talking to more to JUST friends in 5 days, what am i saying it is possible i did it! I found a guy that made me question what i wanted and where i was going, i thought i saw something... Key word ended up being "thought"! He is one of my best friends, someone that i am comfortable telling anything to, and to be honest for about 24 hours i wanted more than friends. Then reality hit in... that other girl that he is in love with (no not a girlfriend, for those of you who dont know the whole story). I realized that no matter who i was as long as i am not her, i have no chance! And i wonder if this is just a lust thing, that has become a project and the whole i cant have it so i want it more type of thing. I realized I guess i am tired of lessons this life is trying to teach me, i am ready to met the one that my lessons prepared me for! But then i wonder if i am only lonely, cause it seemes like everyone else has someone!! I will get back to school and things will seem normal again HOPEFULLY! (too bad both the roomies have boys! DAMN!!!) I just dont know anymore what i want, where i am in life. I am 21 years old and i have friends that are married already! or they found someone they could marry.. me i feel far from it. Being that finding the love of my life and settling down to raise a family are my BIGGEST goals in life, i feel like i am behind. THEN i think about how i am NOT ready for that kind of commitment in my life. and that is my CIRCLE of thoughts that CONTINUOUSLY run rapid in my head. And about that boy... i have to deal with just being friends, something i can handle and these next weeks of being hella busy will help that out A TON! ok more recent news... i am going on a date tonight! HAHA yeah i finally gave into the guy at work...PROBLEM he is 30!!! we are going to a bar where i feel he is going to try to get me INTOXICATED! i guess i am just not comfortable with the situation, going out with a bunch of 30 year olds just not my style! HAHA i am a younger boy kinda girl! lol, as well all of you should know and know well! Well kids that is all that i can muster up now! WAIT no i am moving out in 2 days!!!! out on my own, HAHA yeah right! But i am definatly ready for Lawrence and my Lawrence ppl and things! Sunday is the beginning of work week so expect to see my shining face at the bars EVERY NIGHT... lol well out and about anyway! then it is no booze no bars no boys for a week! BOOOOO but shhhhh! might have to break that rule heheh ok that is all i can muster up! so good bye and thanks for listening to me!