If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?
Sheryl Crow.
Everything is summed up in that one sentence. I don't quite know what is making me write. I'm sure no one checks this anymore anyways, but I thought I'd write some things out. Perhaps it is the time of year or the fact that graduation is around the corner, but I have been thinking so much lately. My life is about to change in so many ways and all the while I don't feel anything but scared. I guess that is a lie. I am excited. But I can also say that I have never been more scared in life than I have been in the last few weeks. The world is right there and I'm really not looking to reach out for it. There is sentimental feeling that has taken over lately and has prevented me from really being excited about graduating and moving in with Tim. I am going to miss so many of the little things about my life right now. Everything is about to change.
I sat here packing all day and came across pictures and notes from four years ago. It was not until that moment that I realized how different things are today. There are people who I have not talked to in four years and people that I talked to just yesterday. I don't really regret anyone thing in the past four years, but I do wish some things had happened differently. Some days I wish that Craig and I had worked things out so that we were still good friends. Some days I wished that I could understand Jeff and that he would let me in. Some days I wished that I had decided to move to Cincinnati to be in the same area with Siu. But if those things were different, then my life would be different as well.
I wished that I had been more crazy the last four years. I wished that I was young and forgot about alot of things and enjoyed life when I didn't. At the same time, there were so many nights when I left everything behind and just let go. For nights like those, Joyce has always been the best. I realize she wont read this but its for me anyways. Joyce has been the wake up call that I need some days. She has taught me to stand up for myself. She is so carefree about everyone. Nothing gets in her way and if someone doesnt like her or what shes doing... it doesn't stop her. Sometimes that could be a bad thing too, but our assets can sometimes be faults. Lately I miss my girl time with Siu. I miss alot of things... but I am looking forward to the future. Once everything gets together, Tim and I should have a great time in our new home. Seems so weird to think that we are going to be living together... it also seems weird to me that we have been together for almost 3 years. Three fast and amazing years...
Anyways, Boston is waiting for me next year and once again, I will return to her. The city has caught hold of me. I'm not quite sure what I would do if I wasn't in it. I certainly never thought I would miss the drunken stumblers at 2 am underneath my windows... the strangest things become sentimental.
Bittersweet.
So once again,
If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?
Everything is summed up in that one sentence. I don't quite know what is making me write. I'm sure no one checks this anymore anyways, but I thought I'd write some things out. Perhaps it is the time of year or the fact that graduation is around the corner, but I have been thinking so much lately. My life is about to change in so many ways and all the while I don't feel anything but scared. I guess that is a lie. I am excited. But I can also say that I have never been more scared in life than I have been in the last few weeks. The world is right there and I'm really not looking to reach out for it. There is sentimental feeling that has taken over lately and has prevented me from really being excited about graduating and moving in with Tim. I am going to miss so many of the little things about my life right now. Everything is about to change.
I sat here packing all day and came across pictures and notes from four years ago. It was not until that moment that I realized how different things are today. There are people who I have not talked to in four years and people that I talked to just yesterday. I don't really regret anyone thing in the past four years, but I do wish some things had happened differently. Some days I wish that Craig and I had worked things out so that we were still good friends. Some days I wished that I could understand Jeff and that he would let me in. Some days I wished that I had decided to move to Cincinnati to be in the same area with Siu. But if those things were different, then my life would be different as well.
I wished that I had been more crazy the last four years. I wished that I was young and forgot about alot of things and enjoyed life when I didn't. At the same time, there were so many nights when I left everything behind and just let go. For nights like those, Joyce has always been the best. I realize she wont read this but its for me anyways. Joyce has been the wake up call that I need some days. She has taught me to stand up for myself. She is so carefree about everyone. Nothing gets in her way and if someone doesnt like her or what shes doing... it doesn't stop her. Sometimes that could be a bad thing too, but our assets can sometimes be faults. Lately I miss my girl time with Siu. I miss alot of things... but I am looking forward to the future. Once everything gets together, Tim and I should have a great time in our new home. Seems so weird to think that we are going to be living together... it also seems weird to me that we have been together for almost 3 years. Three fast and amazing years...
Anyways, Boston is waiting for me next year and once again, I will return to her. The city has caught hold of me. I'm not quite sure what I would do if I wasn't in it. I certainly never thought I would miss the drunken stumblers at 2 am underneath my windows... the strangest things become sentimental.
Bittersweet.
So once again,
If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?