never thought this would be like this...
the past few days have been such an amazing, yet unexpected, set of experiences. i have never felt this way about a relationship... and i sat here on my bed thinking about all that has happened to me in the past few days and i cant help but think that i made the right decision about tim and i. i must confess - although it seemed that i was not- i was a little weary about meeting other people and not being able to date other people. the thought of being tied down to something quite frankly scared the crap out of me, but now that days have passed by, i remember why i said yes to him...
i have been going out, hanging with friends, meeting new guys, meeting up with old guys, and yet none compare to what i have with tim. although i do need and desire the physical touch and emtional attachment built by the presence of someone lying next to you in your bed keeping you safe at night right through to the next day, i can not even compare the others that i have met to tim. i miss him alot, but mostly at night i sit and think about what i am doing. it is a very weird feeling to know that someone really is thinking about me as i am thinking about them. even through my entire relationship with others (names shall remain unmentioned,) i have never felt the need to continue this long distance and continue on like this. it's weird because in one way i dont feel tied down at all. i am not letting it stop me from going out and meeting other guys. i am getting off my butt and enjoying myself. this year is very different for many reasons and i know that that is the only reason why i can keep this relationship going. my mentality is different. my confidence is different. my self worth is different. my trust is different. tim is different. and thats the way life should be. everything should be different than before. otherwise i would be living in rochester, ny still, working at linens n things for the rest of my life and forgetting every dream i ever had as a chold and right on through to now.
but i do miss being able to touch him and to feel his hands folded neatly in mine. he never understood why when we were together i would always stare at his hands, his face, his arms, his stomache. everything about him i wanted to soak in. everything i ever felt for him before has surfaced now and i am so glad that it did. he has the most beautiful hands... and in any event those who know me well know, nice hands are an amazing feature. i miss the contact of him and i physically being together. just being. skin on skin. i miss it like crazy but i know that this time will make our time together that much better... holidays some how seem a little bit sweeter.
although i cant wait for thanksgiving, i am loving school and my life here so i know that this longing to see him isnt affecting my entire life to the point of handicapping my progression both in school and out. its so weird that one thing you thought that would never really be becomes a major role in your life. amazing how some things can fly in a different direction with the slightest breeze...
" There will never come a day
that you'll ever hear me say
that i want or need to be with out you.
i wanna give my all
baby just hold me
simply control me
cause your arms they keep away the lonely
when i look into your eyes
then i realize
that all i need is you in my life
cause ive never felt this way about loving
no ive never felt so good
never felt this way about loving
it feels so good."
-Brian McKnight
i have been going out, hanging with friends, meeting new guys, meeting up with old guys, and yet none compare to what i have with tim. although i do need and desire the physical touch and emtional attachment built by the presence of someone lying next to you in your bed keeping you safe at night right through to the next day, i can not even compare the others that i have met to tim. i miss him alot, but mostly at night i sit and think about what i am doing. it is a very weird feeling to know that someone really is thinking about me as i am thinking about them. even through my entire relationship with others (names shall remain unmentioned,) i have never felt the need to continue this long distance and continue on like this. it's weird because in one way i dont feel tied down at all. i am not letting it stop me from going out and meeting other guys. i am getting off my butt and enjoying myself. this year is very different for many reasons and i know that that is the only reason why i can keep this relationship going. my mentality is different. my confidence is different. my self worth is different. my trust is different. tim is different. and thats the way life should be. everything should be different than before. otherwise i would be living in rochester, ny still, working at linens n things for the rest of my life and forgetting every dream i ever had as a chold and right on through to now.
but i do miss being able to touch him and to feel his hands folded neatly in mine. he never understood why when we were together i would always stare at his hands, his face, his arms, his stomache. everything about him i wanted to soak in. everything i ever felt for him before has surfaced now and i am so glad that it did. he has the most beautiful hands... and in any event those who know me well know, nice hands are an amazing feature. i miss the contact of him and i physically being together. just being. skin on skin. i miss it like crazy but i know that this time will make our time together that much better... holidays some how seem a little bit sweeter.
although i cant wait for thanksgiving, i am loving school and my life here so i know that this longing to see him isnt affecting my entire life to the point of handicapping my progression both in school and out. its so weird that one thing you thought that would never really be becomes a major role in your life. amazing how some things can fly in a different direction with the slightest breeze...
" There will never come a day
that you'll ever hear me say
that i want or need to be with out you.
i wanna give my all
baby just hold me
simply control me
cause your arms they keep away the lonely
when i look into your eyes
then i realize
that all i need is you in my life
cause ive never felt this way about loving
no ive never felt so good
never felt this way about loving
it feels so good."
-Brian McKnight