My life on a Monday
Work is slow this time of year, so with not a lot of urgent matters crossing my desk, what better to do that waste my time by writing! I don’t often write at home anymore as I dropped my laptop on the floor a few months ago and buggered up the screen! It still works but I’m now tied to the desk and a monitor, and I don’t enjoy being tethered like that!
Went out Friday night for Karaoke, but didn’t stick around. Just wasn’t into it, which is disappointing as there is never much going on in this little town! So I hate to not take full advantage of something happening, but I called it an early night. Had some company over afterwards, which was…. Odd. I’ll leave it at at that!
Saturday was not ideal. Dan had asked me last week to come to his place Saturday and spend the night. I was really looking forward to it, as it was a big step in what could have been a potential relationship. The ex was dog sitting so I offered him the house rather than his apartment, since I wouldn’t be home and the kiddo is at camp. All worked out so nice and tidy. That should have been my first clue! Dan cancelled our afternoon/night plans, and said he would pick me up Sunday morning instead. I was pissed, disappointed, upset, hurt, a whole whack of things. There’s a big difference between the way I approach things, as someone who has been a part of an “us/we/our” situation for the past 13 years, as opposed to the way single guys approach things. Guys who have been “me/I/mine”. I can at least recognize that - doesn’t help me understand it much though!
Anyways - made alternative plans since I had been ditched for studying and sleeping! Met up with Glen, who is someone I’ve been talking to for weeks but never acted on. He has been very upfront since day 1 about only looking for a physical relationship. Doesn’t want to get involved in anything serious, so we just chatted and left it at that. But with a Saturday night to myself and nothing to do looming in front of me, I made plans.
Turned out to be the best night I’ve had in ages. He’s great in so many ways. We have so much in common, were both so comfortable and relaxed. No pressure, no awkwardness, just a great night. Except he doesn’t want serious.
I thought I did. But after Sunday, I’m not so sure. Dan picked me up in the morning and we headed for the beach. We’ve reached a certain level of comfort with each other, as I guess technically this was our 3rd date. We’re past that nervousness stage. But with being past that stage, I have certain expectations. A kiss hello… a kiss goodbye. A little bit of affection just to show that he’s enjoying being with me. I’m not talking about rolling around on the ground and tounges down each others throats… but just a little something to show me you don’t think of me like a sister! There was none of that. We were sitting at the beach and I tried to kiss him. Tried - being the key word. He turned a cheek. As if! He got a little better as the day went on, but still the only lip action I got was a sad little close lip peck at the end of the day.
I know there’s more to relationships than the physical, but that’s an important part. Especially at this stage where in my opinion, we shouldn’t be able to keep our hands to ourselves! It’s all fresh and new, and we’re happy to be with each other. It’s before we’ve gotten into all the heavy stuff.
I had a moment where I suddenly started to feel very overwhelmed. I was comfortable with him. We sat on the beach and I read a book and he studied. We walked by the river and just walked… and it was comfortable. It didn’t have that new rush, that anticipation… just comfort. And I suddenly questioned whether that’s what I’m ready for or not? After Dave, and 13 years of that familiarity, I don’t know that I want to dive headfirst into that part. I don’t to skip the goosebumps and butterflies and stomach flips. But that’s what’s happening with Dan. We’re just straight into that comfortable routine.
I know that a year from now, maybe even six months from now, that’s the part that I’m going to want. That’s what I’ll be missing from my marriage (not that I’ve had it in ages!). I’m not ready for that now - but if I lose it now, will I have it then?
Or - I could stop overthinking!!!
Glen gives me goosebumps, makes my stomach flip. I daydream about him. Dan is comfortable and stable.
Maybe I just enjoy this time of dating, not being serious and committed and just explore both worlds! That’s what this time is for, right?
Went out Friday night for Karaoke, but didn’t stick around. Just wasn’t into it, which is disappointing as there is never much going on in this little town! So I hate to not take full advantage of something happening, but I called it an early night. Had some company over afterwards, which was…. Odd. I’ll leave it at at that!
Saturday was not ideal. Dan had asked me last week to come to his place Saturday and spend the night. I was really looking forward to it, as it was a big step in what could have been a potential relationship. The ex was dog sitting so I offered him the house rather than his apartment, since I wouldn’t be home and the kiddo is at camp. All worked out so nice and tidy. That should have been my first clue! Dan cancelled our afternoon/night plans, and said he would pick me up Sunday morning instead. I was pissed, disappointed, upset, hurt, a whole whack of things. There’s a big difference between the way I approach things, as someone who has been a part of an “us/we/our” situation for the past 13 years, as opposed to the way single guys approach things. Guys who have been “me/I/mine”. I can at least recognize that - doesn’t help me understand it much though!
Anyways - made alternative plans since I had been ditched for studying and sleeping! Met up with Glen, who is someone I’ve been talking to for weeks but never acted on. He has been very upfront since day 1 about only looking for a physical relationship. Doesn’t want to get involved in anything serious, so we just chatted and left it at that. But with a Saturday night to myself and nothing to do looming in front of me, I made plans.
Turned out to be the best night I’ve had in ages. He’s great in so many ways. We have so much in common, were both so comfortable and relaxed. No pressure, no awkwardness, just a great night. Except he doesn’t want serious.
I thought I did. But after Sunday, I’m not so sure. Dan picked me up in the morning and we headed for the beach. We’ve reached a certain level of comfort with each other, as I guess technically this was our 3rd date. We’re past that nervousness stage. But with being past that stage, I have certain expectations. A kiss hello… a kiss goodbye. A little bit of affection just to show that he’s enjoying being with me. I’m not talking about rolling around on the ground and tounges down each others throats… but just a little something to show me you don’t think of me like a sister! There was none of that. We were sitting at the beach and I tried to kiss him. Tried - being the key word. He turned a cheek. As if! He got a little better as the day went on, but still the only lip action I got was a sad little close lip peck at the end of the day.
I know there’s more to relationships than the physical, but that’s an important part. Especially at this stage where in my opinion, we shouldn’t be able to keep our hands to ourselves! It’s all fresh and new, and we’re happy to be with each other. It’s before we’ve gotten into all the heavy stuff.
I had a moment where I suddenly started to feel very overwhelmed. I was comfortable with him. We sat on the beach and I read a book and he studied. We walked by the river and just walked… and it was comfortable. It didn’t have that new rush, that anticipation… just comfort. And I suddenly questioned whether that’s what I’m ready for or not? After Dave, and 13 years of that familiarity, I don’t know that I want to dive headfirst into that part. I don’t to skip the goosebumps and butterflies and stomach flips. But that’s what’s happening with Dan. We’re just straight into that comfortable routine.
I know that a year from now, maybe even six months from now, that’s the part that I’m going to want. That’s what I’ll be missing from my marriage (not that I’ve had it in ages!). I’m not ready for that now - but if I lose it now, will I have it then?
Or - I could stop overthinking!!!
Glen gives me goosebumps, makes my stomach flip. I daydream about him. Dan is comfortable and stable.
Maybe I just enjoy this time of dating, not being serious and committed and just explore both worlds! That’s what this time is for, right?