THIS IS BRANDON, THE BOY THAT THE LAST ENTRY IS ABOUT
I wanted to just post a comment to the last entry but it wouldnt let me write so much so im going to write it on jeni's lj because i need everyone to see this. again THIS IS BRANDON TYPING, jeni has no idea im on her lj.
now, I would like to address this first part to all of jeni's closest friends, everyone, including tuesday, tommy, jackie, andrea, and especially zeke. this part also goes out to the people that might not even know jeni, or barely at all. eh hem..... I HAVE WRONGED THIS GIRL. what i did to jeni is absolutely unacceptable. it was wrong on so many levels, and i hate myself for it. jeni never did a thing to me, and i stabbed her in the back. i dont need to tell you how jeni is because you already know she is the most sweetest, kindest soul there is. she was nothing but beautiful to me and all i did was spit in her face. I AM A PIECE OF SHIT********** jeni never deserved this for one second, and ......all i did to try to make it better was cry wolf. thats all ive been doing my whole life, lying to get myself out of it. i told my mom what i did, and she even told me that thats not the kind of boy she raised. well shes right, ive done all of this to myself, i have no one to blame except me. what i did sucks so much, and will haunt me forever. i cant stand the idea of hurting jeni. as you all know, no one is perfect, but i took this to an extreme. the mistake i made hurt jeni and it hurt me. everything just happened so fast, i couldnt even realize how stupid i was acting. i fucked up, i fucked up more than anyone can ever realize.i would say sorry, but sorry isnt even enough of a word to understand the remorse i feel. i made the ultimate mistake, a mistake ive made too many times before. i stand before you baring everything, and i embrace any hatred you have towards me for what ive done. just know that it wont be a fraction of how much i hate myself.
jeni.....ive told you a lot of shit.....ive told you so many lies and ive hurt you BAD these past 5 months. well its pretty obvious i dont deserve you. look, ive made this mistake a thousand times before, i guess its just one of those things that never really sinked in. but, you jeni....you are the one who finally woke me up. if these events didnt happen the way they did, i probably would have never realized what i was doing. with me or not, you changed me. you changed my perspective. anyone else i would have just been, "fuck it, ill move on, ill get over it, im young, fuck it". but you jeni, you are the only person to ever make me realize the absolute meaning of truth. i know that a part of you hates me, i know. all of me hates me too. but jeni, id rather spend an eternity in hell for lying to you than a second with out you. i need you, more than i ever knew. what i did should have been the last thing to ever happen to you, and you have no idea how sorry i am. evrything you want to say about me now, ill accept. im a douche bag. BUT ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. jeni, im ready for the long run now. im ready for the the next steps with you, and im going to prove it to you because actions speak so much louder than words. i swear it, im going to show you the beautiful parts in me that only YOU could have ever brought out in me. you are the best thing that has/will ever happen to me. ive already shown you that i can fuck up plenty of times, well now im going to show that i can be cavilier. ill be true, and honest and loving, and everything i should have been from the start. if you never talk to me again, i will hurt but also understand why. Just know that you are different, ive never fought for anyone ever....and believe me this is a fight worth fighting. we will never be the same i know, but in a way thats good because i can make it better than how it was. we can make it better. and im not just gonna tell you this time, im gonna show you.
now, I would like to address this first part to all of jeni's closest friends, everyone, including tuesday, tommy, jackie, andrea, and especially zeke. this part also goes out to the people that might not even know jeni, or barely at all. eh hem..... I HAVE WRONGED THIS GIRL. what i did to jeni is absolutely unacceptable. it was wrong on so many levels, and i hate myself for it. jeni never did a thing to me, and i stabbed her in the back. i dont need to tell you how jeni is because you already know she is the most sweetest, kindest soul there is. she was nothing but beautiful to me and all i did was spit in her face. I AM A PIECE OF SHIT********** jeni never deserved this for one second, and ......all i did to try to make it better was cry wolf. thats all ive been doing my whole life, lying to get myself out of it. i told my mom what i did, and she even told me that thats not the kind of boy she raised. well shes right, ive done all of this to myself, i have no one to blame except me. what i did sucks so much, and will haunt me forever. i cant stand the idea of hurting jeni. as you all know, no one is perfect, but i took this to an extreme. the mistake i made hurt jeni and it hurt me. everything just happened so fast, i couldnt even realize how stupid i was acting. i fucked up, i fucked up more than anyone can ever realize.i would say sorry, but sorry isnt even enough of a word to understand the remorse i feel. i made the ultimate mistake, a mistake ive made too many times before. i stand before you baring everything, and i embrace any hatred you have towards me for what ive done. just know that it wont be a fraction of how much i hate myself.
jeni.....ive told you a lot of shit.....ive told you so many lies and ive hurt you BAD these past 5 months. well its pretty obvious i dont deserve you. look, ive made this mistake a thousand times before, i guess its just one of those things that never really sinked in. but, you jeni....you are the one who finally woke me up. if these events didnt happen the way they did, i probably would have never realized what i was doing. with me or not, you changed me. you changed my perspective. anyone else i would have just been, "fuck it, ill move on, ill get over it, im young, fuck it". but you jeni, you are the only person to ever make me realize the absolute meaning of truth. i know that a part of you hates me, i know. all of me hates me too. but jeni, id rather spend an eternity in hell for lying to you than a second with out you. i need you, more than i ever knew. what i did should have been the last thing to ever happen to you, and you have no idea how sorry i am. evrything you want to say about me now, ill accept. im a douche bag. BUT ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. jeni, im ready for the long run now. im ready for the the next steps with you, and im going to prove it to you because actions speak so much louder than words. i swear it, im going to show you the beautiful parts in me that only YOU could have ever brought out in me. you are the best thing that has/will ever happen to me. ive already shown you that i can fuck up plenty of times, well now im going to show that i can be cavilier. ill be true, and honest and loving, and everything i should have been from the start. if you never talk to me again, i will hurt but also understand why. Just know that you are different, ive never fought for anyone ever....and believe me this is a fight worth fighting. we will never be the same i know, but in a way thats good because i can make it better than how it was. we can make it better. and im not just gonna tell you this time, im gonna show you.