i need a journal, again
today, my psychiatrist told me i was too complex to ever reach what i picture as good mental health.
so...
i need a new project.
i already set some evil plans in motion.
i found a good line up for roomies.
i joined some new clubs.
i gave up on helping other people.
i am on top of my life in short...
and im not in the mood to start drama, really...
i just wish sometime that people would pick up and be more fun- and even with them all cracked out on drugs, people are only fun for so long. everybody seems to be getting old, but not growing up... like wrinkles, packing on pounds and other things their drugstore make-up can't hide--- but not doing anything different than when we were all teenagers- now we just dont have to hey buddy the booze. and it gets me cause they are just content with just that. i dont understand the idea of just getting by means we're doing well for ourselves. and i feel like im the only one that wants more and is willing to try to get it. cause nobody is gonna hand any of us the world on a silver platter - see, even that saying gets me: nobody i have ever met knows what the real sense of the silver platter - well my silver platter anyhow.
i just know that im the only one that wants more and knows its just not gonna happen magically.
and im tired of trying to make it.
the highs wear off and who are you then? same person as before, just with a headache and baggy eyes. nothing's new anymore. great! amanda lepore is on the computer- but none of us are trying to do anything like that- we just watch. and worse off when people do try to, they're so blinded by their pride to see that they are chasing a dream that they will never get- and it makes them look pathetic.
i guess im just asking too much, but i don't think i am.
i just want something to happen. i try to spark stuff and nothing. i throw huge lavish parties, causing a break from this reality, but its just lame dull kids dressing up and for one random night being the belle of the ball- after sunrise, all we have is memories and a house to clean.
i just need something to keep me busy.
moreover i want people to keep me busy.
not just busy, also enetertained
something that isn't this- i deserve more.
im bored of this.
somebody very close to me told me- its cause i grew up spoiled and was promised more and just haven't gotten it yet. that our standards of life are a lot higher than people we've met thus far in our lives. that might be true, but that is who i am. i just am not content with being less than above average in all senses- im not greed, im just human.
see infamous party kids have issues too.
so...
i need a new project.
i already set some evil plans in motion.
i found a good line up for roomies.
i joined some new clubs.
i gave up on helping other people.
i am on top of my life in short...
and im not in the mood to start drama, really...
i just wish sometime that people would pick up and be more fun- and even with them all cracked out on drugs, people are only fun for so long. everybody seems to be getting old, but not growing up... like wrinkles, packing on pounds and other things their drugstore make-up can't hide--- but not doing anything different than when we were all teenagers- now we just dont have to hey buddy the booze. and it gets me cause they are just content with just that. i dont understand the idea of just getting by means we're doing well for ourselves. and i feel like im the only one that wants more and is willing to try to get it. cause nobody is gonna hand any of us the world on a silver platter - see, even that saying gets me: nobody i have ever met knows what the real sense of the silver platter - well my silver platter anyhow.
i just know that im the only one that wants more and knows its just not gonna happen magically.
and im tired of trying to make it.
the highs wear off and who are you then? same person as before, just with a headache and baggy eyes. nothing's new anymore. great! amanda lepore is on the computer- but none of us are trying to do anything like that- we just watch. and worse off when people do try to, they're so blinded by their pride to see that they are chasing a dream that they will never get- and it makes them look pathetic.
i guess im just asking too much, but i don't think i am.
i just want something to happen. i try to spark stuff and nothing. i throw huge lavish parties, causing a break from this reality, but its just lame dull kids dressing up and for one random night being the belle of the ball- after sunrise, all we have is memories and a house to clean.
i just need something to keep me busy.
moreover i want people to keep me busy.
not just busy, also enetertained
something that isn't this- i deserve more.
im bored of this.
somebody very close to me told me- its cause i grew up spoiled and was promised more and just haven't gotten it yet. that our standards of life are a lot higher than people we've met thus far in our lives. that might be true, but that is who i am. i just am not content with being less than above average in all senses- im not greed, im just human.
see infamous party kids have issues too.