(no subject)
So I feel like I'm falling apart, cracking around the edges, breaking down. I'm trying so hard to stay the course through the wedding and moving to Seattle, but it's so fucking hard.
One of the women from the front desk called a "feedback" session with me because I (jokingly) pointed to my face and asked if it looking like a face that cared. This was said once I called a guest that was 5 minutes late for a 15 minute chair massage that is booked in a 15 minute slot. I had asked the woman to take care of my next guest's foot soak, which was already set up, so I could get back on time and she didn't do it. This was brushed under the rug during the feedback session and we focused on how I obviously had an attitude about the guest being late and must not know how to handle late guests. Bullshit. I may not be a big, fucking ray of sunshine, but my complaining was my way of getting that energy out of me so I wouldn't take it out on the guest. I am, once again, reminded that I need to keep my mouth shut and my head down. They only want to see a certain part of an employee's personality. I pick up on the resentment that boils under the surface of other employees when they are frustrated and can't talk about it and it affects me. I am a result of my environment and while they think everything is just fine, I know it isn't and it sucks.
I'm ready to move on. I want to focus on the next chapter of my life and be rid of the things that are anchoring me down. The debt is still looming. I know it is going down, but it doesn't feel like it is going fast enough. We're planning on putting together a wish registry for the wedding and asking people to give us money towards our student loans so we can pay them down faster. Getting the debt paid down would mean so much more than new dishes or a silver plated candle snuffer. I just hope everyone understands how important it is to us.
I just hate this feeling of being unhappy and being completely unable to do anything about it. It leaves me drained and standing on the edge of mental breakdown. I'm not the bitter employee with an attitude problem, the late 20-something that is going nowhere. I'm lost in my situations and feeling defined by them. How do other people seem to have things so together? I don't get it.
One of the women from the front desk called a "feedback" session with me because I (jokingly) pointed to my face and asked if it looking like a face that cared. This was said once I called a guest that was 5 minutes late for a 15 minute chair massage that is booked in a 15 minute slot. I had asked the woman to take care of my next guest's foot soak, which was already set up, so I could get back on time and she didn't do it. This was brushed under the rug during the feedback session and we focused on how I obviously had an attitude about the guest being late and must not know how to handle late guests. Bullshit. I may not be a big, fucking ray of sunshine, but my complaining was my way of getting that energy out of me so I wouldn't take it out on the guest. I am, once again, reminded that I need to keep my mouth shut and my head down. They only want to see a certain part of an employee's personality. I pick up on the resentment that boils under the surface of other employees when they are frustrated and can't talk about it and it affects me. I am a result of my environment and while they think everything is just fine, I know it isn't and it sucks.
I'm ready to move on. I want to focus on the next chapter of my life and be rid of the things that are anchoring me down. The debt is still looming. I know it is going down, but it doesn't feel like it is going fast enough. We're planning on putting together a wish registry for the wedding and asking people to give us money towards our student loans so we can pay them down faster. Getting the debt paid down would mean so much more than new dishes or a silver plated candle snuffer. I just hope everyone understands how important it is to us.
I just hate this feeling of being unhappy and being completely unable to do anything about it. It leaves me drained and standing on the edge of mental breakdown. I'm not the bitter employee with an attitude problem, the late 20-something that is going nowhere. I'm lost in my situations and feeling defined by them. How do other people seem to have things so together? I don't get it.