I forgot what it's like to be normal...

[lilac7618]

Last night and today have been shitty to say the least. I thought that things had gotten better but clearly I was proved wrong once again. If you're wondering what I'm talking about just refer to the entry in which I'm drained and listening to the mix that Jenna made me. Yes that whole situation is still happening and doesn't appear to be ceasing anytime soon. Geez how did I get to be so lucky as to have to put up with this again?! I really don't know what to do anymore. Some people that I trusted have now pretty much lost that and won't be getting it back anytime soon. I hate trusting people...they always and I mean always let you down. Although it doesn't really matter now; Since it appears that this oh so wonderful situation is going to progress (not in my favor mind you) I won't have to worry about trusting people because the majority of the friends I have here, I'm sure, are going to side with the two other people. I'll of course once again look like the bitch who doesn't want her friends to be happy. I'm thinking that maybe I should just take on that role and make this easier on everyone. I mean if I was bitch then it would be so much easier to screw me over and not feel bad about it, right? I'm so sorry that I'm not making it easy for you to screw me over...I must not have gotten the memo. Damn. Yeah that's right I'm still being a nice person when part of me wants to start a war. Will I do this? No because I always give in and let things slide...well not this time. This time I'm hurt and pissed and a whole shitload of other emotions. I'm not going to go down without a fight. Maybe I'm being a bitch, maybe I'm not but the way that I'm being treated I deserve to act like a bitch and dish back to them what they've been serving to me. I'll make the comments that piss certain people off, I'll say what I'm feeling, and if you don't like it too F****** bad for you. AAARRRGGGGHHHH! I'm so upset right now and I have no idea what the hell I'm supposed to do about it. If you have any suggestions feel free to let me know. I need all the help that I can get. I just want things to be normal. There's just one problem, I don't know what normal is anymore.

*~*And if I meant as much to you as you claimed I did, you’d actually stop & consider my feelings for once…