Man that kid made fucking up look cool. Aren’t we all so cool now, no.
Just woke up from really horrible dream. Have to write it down before I forget it. Damn. Forgot it already while I was writing that.
I remembered this from living with my mom: I kept staring into my closet, as if there were answers in there, as if there were clothes I liked in there. As if he was hiding in there. I took the doors off my closet, I don't know how he would hide.
Why is it so easy to write the first entry in a diary and so hard to write the second? Is it because you read over what you wrote the day before and realize how dumb you sound?
I really do like my life. As much as I would like to chug my entire bottle of medication and sleeping pills, my greatest fear will remain as death. Everything happens for a reason. I believe that too. I base everything on destiny and fate.
- - - -
Lately I have been so completely cynical and negative it's as if I had just lost my mom or something in some tragic man-eating dog accident. I bust my butt at school and I have nothing to show for it. I have been devouring food like a fiend. It is forming into a habit that I am breaking, starting now. My new life has begun today, congratulations to me.
Wednesday was such a page turner. I had a blast. I took pictures for my photography class and I will finish up my roll sometime during the school break. It was a perfect evening to a new beginning.
Valentines Day is coming up everyone. You know what that means? Couples will be sworming and taking over the school like every year that follows and singles (me) will be supportive of only friends who have dates but mostly envying and wishing the cutesy love birds fall on their faces. An endless cycle.
I have not gone to bed yet and it is 2:30 in the A.M. My eyes are burning. Expecting to be swollen tomorrow. Nothing can ruin my first day of my new life though, nothing.
Tolerance for bull shit is not allowed anymore. I am being possitive, happy, loving life, IN CHARGE OF MY ACTIONS, and most of all: disciplined.
Remember: Sometimes you just have to let things marinate.
I remembered this from living with my mom: I kept staring into my closet, as if there were answers in there, as if there were clothes I liked in there. As if he was hiding in there. I took the doors off my closet, I don't know how he would hide.
Why is it so easy to write the first entry in a diary and so hard to write the second? Is it because you read over what you wrote the day before and realize how dumb you sound?
I really do like my life. As much as I would like to chug my entire bottle of medication and sleeping pills, my greatest fear will remain as death. Everything happens for a reason. I believe that too. I base everything on destiny and fate.
- - - -
Lately I have been so completely cynical and negative it's as if I had just lost my mom or something in some tragic man-eating dog accident. I bust my butt at school and I have nothing to show for it. I have been devouring food like a fiend. It is forming into a habit that I am breaking, starting now. My new life has begun today, congratulations to me.
Wednesday was such a page turner. I had a blast. I took pictures for my photography class and I will finish up my roll sometime during the school break. It was a perfect evening to a new beginning.
Valentines Day is coming up everyone. You know what that means? Couples will be sworming and taking over the school like every year that follows and singles (me) will be supportive of only friends who have dates but mostly envying and wishing the cutesy love birds fall on their faces. An endless cycle.
I have not gone to bed yet and it is 2:30 in the A.M. My eyes are burning. Expecting to be swollen tomorrow. Nothing can ruin my first day of my new life though, nothing.
Tolerance for bull shit is not allowed anymore. I am being possitive, happy, loving life, IN CHARGE OF MY ACTIONS, and most of all: disciplined.
Remember: Sometimes you just have to let things marinate.