(no subject)
Sometimes I really hate myself just because of some of the thoughts that cross my mind. Inside my head I'm the most conceited, arrogant, uncaring, volatile bitch on the face of the planet. Seriously, I make Paris Hilton look like a saint. I know I'm not really like that though but it upsets me that I can even dwell on thoughts like that. I realized this whole thing just a few minutes ago. I was on Facebook and got a request from a girl I haven't seen or heard from since graduation. We'd been friends growing up but after middle school, as most friends do we just went out seperate ways. Let's face it, high school society just didn't allow it. I drank and partied with the best of the best and she spent Friday nights at the comic book stores reading manga. We still kept in touch though with the occasional 'hi' in the halls and myspace message every now and again. So I'm interested in what she's been up to the past year so I start checking out her Facebook. We go to the same school (much to my surprise, I'd never seen her) and she's getting married next week and wanted to invite me (the whole purpose behind the request) Another fact faced, she's always been a pretty plain girl. Back in the day we both bonded on being the chubby girls and over the years I sort of grew into mine whereas hers still stuck in all the wrong places. But back then things like that didn't matter to me, we could talk all day and just be kids and have fun. So I see she's getting married and I really am genuinely happy for her but I got to thinking about my current relationship situations and I was a bit relieved because I thought if a girl like her can find someone to marry then I should have no problem at all doing it. The second after the thought crossed my mind I hated myself for thinking it. It kind of puts in perspective the kind of person I see myself to be and I don't like that at all. I just can't stand being myself anymore.