(no subject)
Well, I've finally got the net at my place. Which is a heaven-sent. It took a while to get it up and running, but I finally did it. All on my own, I might add. I'm so very proud lol. And doing that kinda encouraged me to get more stuff done. I've finally got my entertainment unit, my coffee table and my dining table up. I cleaned a bit of the room and I've done some washing. The kitchen is a little more organised and I'm slowly getting used to the taps in the bathroom (ever notice how taps seem to have their own personality? Every time you use different ones for a shower or bath you have to adjust to how they work, the little bastards). My bedroom furniture has yet to arrive, but I don't mind too much. The sofa isn't the most comfortable thing, but because it's in the living room and the a/c is in there, I'm not too tizzed about it. Basically, I'm slowly settling in to this place. The room looks more like a living room, the kitchen has all that I need, I have net access and my dvds....it's kinda nice. Sometimes, when I'm cooking dinner or getting myself something from the fridge, I look around and it amazes me that I'm living on my own. But not just that, the fact that the adjustment from living with my family to living on my own has hardly made a dent in my everyday dealings. I mean, some people find it hard to keep up with the laundry, or haviung to constantly cook for themselves, or even keep the place clean...but the only difficulty I'm having is tidying the place up because I've still got to organise where to put all my crap. I'm just happy the transition hasn't effected too much.The thing that annoys me the most is washing my clothes. The actual doing it and putting it up on the line and folding it isn't such a problem. It's the fact that I have to share a laundry with the rest of the building, which means I have machines that only accept one dollar coins (which, I'm suddenly realising, I never have), and because there's no dryer, there's a public cothes line which, I don't know about other people, but I canNOT stand. I mean...call it paranoid, but I don't like strangers having visible and physical access so easily to my clothes and manchester. It's creepy and wrong.
The only other adjustment I've had to make is not being able to talk to Clint, though that has nothing to do with moving out, it's just a coinciding incident. I miss him. I miss talking to him. And I don't know why, but for some reason, the longing is particularly strong tonight.
We broke up. Or rather, he broke up with me, and it sucks. I wasn't sure about being with him, but I knew that I loved him. he said that he wasn't ready for a relationship. I'd only been in Sydney for a week. I was really mad and angry and hurt. I've been slowly getting by. Just focusing on my unit and my friends. It's been working. I don't feel like crying anymore, and I don't feel angry towards him anymore. I've kind of accepted it as the way things are. If he needs time, that's cool. I have things going on right now and it might be good for us to not be so involved with each other. I guess I've learnt to gain a little perspective. Not just that though. He called me up a few days ago and said he'd read my last blog entry (which I reread last night and wow am I a bitch when I'm emotional. I'm kinda sorry he read it, and I feel bad about the things I wrote...the fact that he read them. I was just angry at him, trying to go from completely undferstanding him, to being angry and hating him, because I needed to stop hurting.). We had an argument and I was strangely bitchy to him. I mean, I've been angry at him, and even raised my voice when I'm talking to him, but I've never downright been a full on bitch. But I was that time and he just took it, and soon he had me crying, right there in an internet cafe. I felt like an idiot. Once I stopped being a cow, we started just being honest and...I'm not sure why, as nothing he said was different from before or from what I knew deep down, but I guess hearing him, it gave me some perspective. It gave me peace. I'm not hurting over him anymore, and it's nice. I just miss him a lot. I definitely think we can be friends...good friends, because I care about him so much. And I don't think I'll ever really stop loving him, or worrying about him, or wanting to take care of him. But now I can do it as a friend and we can both just relax the intensity a little.
He did the right thing. And I admire and respect that.
I don't know if I'd ever let myself be with him again, I don't know if I should. But I do want him in my life. And while I'll be jealous if he finds someone else, I think I'll still be happy that he's happy. Moved on from that selfish love, to a more selfless love.
And I feel better for it.
I've been obse4ssing over the idea of getting a new kitty for my flat. I know Tamsin's just had a litter of kittens come in, and there are two tawny males, which is what Laurie was. The problem is, when I got Laurie I felt really guilty for buying him when I knew that there are unwanted kittens in the pound and rspca, and I told myself if I was going to get another cat that I'd get it from there. But...somalis are so pretty, and I'm used to their temperament. Then again, it's under $200 to get them from the pound, and they come desexed, vaccinated and microchipped. A show cat costs $400 and that's just for the cat. So, seeing as I'm on a budget, and I'm not really allowed to have any pets here anyway, I might just get one from the pound.
I really want a somali though. I think it's just because I miss Laurie. We got so close.
My diet is working well. Granted I've only been on it for a few days, but it's worked well because I have so little temptations. The food in the firdge is only the food I buy, so I don't have my mother's chocolates and my sister's breads etc to tempt me. I end up eating healthily and it's great. And with all the walking I do, and two flights of stairs I have to go up and down in my block of units, I think I might actually start losing weight.
There's not much else to say. My back's been playing up. I had to lift my TV off the ground to get it onto the entertainment unit, and it killed my lower back. I think I'll go to a doctor in a few days just to make sure I haven't done any permanent damage. Maybe I'll start seeing a chiropractor. I've always wondered if there was something wrong with my back, posture and my feet. My back was because it's always hurting when I wake up. My posture is because I slouched a lot in the past and I think my back has formed to that humped over shape. And my feet, because they hurt after I've walked for long periods of time. And when I say long, I mean not short, but not a full day hike. I'm talking a few hours. I think the weight distribution is all wrong. As a child I used to wonder is people could walk on only the side of their feet, so I'd so it all the time, and I think even now I put more pressure on the side of my feet rather than on the ball of the foot. And that could effect both my back and my posture. So I might as well get it checked out.
Anyway, that's enough from me. I'll update when I have more to say.