Tonight's emotions
This is the first time in awhile I have dreaded going to sleep. Last time I dreaded sleep was when I was having nightmares for weeks at a time. I don't want to bed because I don't want it to be Tuesday. I don't want it to be Tuesday because I don't want to go to court. I don't want to go to court because I don't want to sit on the stand and be berated by my twin brother's lawyer. I don't want to have to see my brother and see the hatred in his eyes. I know it's there just from the relay of messages from my mother from him.
I hate that I have to cut him out of my life. He has been the one person I thought would never ever have to be gone from my life. I am sitting at my desk bursting into tears. I feel so weak. So stupid. I made a decision and now, I am suffering for it. I am not at all sorry I made it. We as adults have to understand what is right and what is wrong. Hitting someone isn't right. And there are legal consequences that follow that. Of course that only happens if it is reported. *frowns a little* I really don't like remembering that night. Tomorrow is going to be total hell. I just want this over. Everyone wants this over.
On another note, I am thinking about stopping my search for a domme. I think it's useless. No one is interested why should I continue to parade myself around and get my hopes up. I am just through getting my hopes up only to have them plateau and then fall flat. Yes, yes I know very pessimistic. I think it's merely realistic.
Something will come my way when it wants to.
I hate that I have to cut him out of my life. He has been the one person I thought would never ever have to be gone from my life. I am sitting at my desk bursting into tears. I feel so weak. So stupid. I made a decision and now, I am suffering for it. I am not at all sorry I made it. We as adults have to understand what is right and what is wrong. Hitting someone isn't right. And there are legal consequences that follow that. Of course that only happens if it is reported. *frowns a little* I really don't like remembering that night. Tomorrow is going to be total hell. I just want this over. Everyone wants this over.
On another note, I am thinking about stopping my search for a domme. I think it's useless. No one is interested why should I continue to parade myself around and get my hopes up. I am just through getting my hopes up only to have them plateau and then fall flat. Yes, yes I know very pessimistic. I think it's merely realistic.
Something will come my way when it wants to.